My Spirit Love (phan)

二十八 - 𝓜𝓪𝓻𝓴𝓮𝓽

"You fucking idiot."

"I know." Phil brokingly stammered.

"What were you fucking thinking?"

"I was just rambling and getting frustrated, and I'd fainted-"

"And you've fucked everything up! Who says she won't say she's putting this house up on the market? Then what?"

"Then I guess we'll sell and you'll be dead in a week!" Phil snapped, throwing a plush in the direction of the spirit.

Daniel gasped, his eyes puffy from crying and throat raw from hurt. He shook his head, "Fuck you." he whimpered, but there was almost a loving laugh to the sound, the contrasting tone to the statement putting Phil in unease. The spirit sighed, taking a seat next to his boyfriend and curling into his body, "I don't care, Phil." he truthfully muttered, "I just don't care anymore. I'm empty, I'm lost. I can't not love you, no matter what you say, so there's no point being a twat and arguing."

Phil giggled, shaking his head, his hands still shaking and his heart's pumps still visible on the fabric over his chest, "I'm sorry."

Dan looked up, "Me, too." a part of him wanted his hands against Phil's shoulders, moving his palms over his boyfriend's body until they were bare in each other's arms. He wanted him inside of him, the words not syllables to mutter from a tongue, but instead gestures of love that they still hadn't accepted they could never have.

Phil saw the poisonous lust in the spirit's eye, so he turned away. This wasn't how he wanted Dan, even if he had to remind himself of that. But they wanted control. There was nothing else in the world these two boys had right now apart from a book on the line to being published in five months, and their untouchable bodies.

It was almost winter solstice. It would be pointless to try and touch beyond the metaphorical gestures of romance, yet they both wanted something more because they had nothing else. Neither of them could decide if they really wanted it, but when Phil leant in and whispered, "Do you want to go into the garden?" with the poison in the ocean of his eye and at the expense of his own dignity, Dan shuffled closer, his neck besides Phil's lips as he imagined would it would feel like to have his breath there, like he could feel during the summer seasons, or to have his lips moving against the delicate skin until his teeth moved in and bruised him. He remembered that he was ticklish when he was alive.

Dan nodded, running after the human boy that had his shirt slung over the banister of the stairs before they'd taken a step into the open air. Phil felt his toes nestle into the damp ground, his back falling against the peeling wooden bench as he unslung the belt from around his waist. He could battle with his flies while the pantless figure of Dan straddled himself over his lover's waist, throwing his own top to the side while he sat exposed above the human.

"Keep them on," Dan whispered, holding his palms where Phil's were contemplating stripping his jeans from his legs, "I don't want to get you into too much trouble."

"You already have." Phil whispered, "What's a bit more to the reputation?" he smirked, their noses brushing through one another's as they begged to taste the other's breath.

"Don't." Dan warned, playfully shaking his head as his left fist guided itself towards his lower half. Phil's instinctively fell down; they'd done this before, they had a routine, but the spirit shook his head, his fringe falling over his eye, "Look at me." he demanded, his neck exposed to the other boy.

Phil's bottom lip peeled between his teeth as their pupils met halfway. Phil had chosen Dan's left eye, and Dan chose Phil's right. The stars of the horizon reflected into the black hole in the blue of the human's eye, and the same lights bounced back into the spirit's. They couldn't share a taste, but they could share the glimmers of the night's lamps.

Their hands rose and fell against their lengths, their breathing audible in each other's ears. They were so close together, Dan's right fist was even placed through Phil's shoulder so he could grab where the back of the bench perched against the wall. They could barely be closer, yet as the release of their orgasms rippled across their delicate forms, they couldn't have felt further apart.

"Why do we feel so...far?"

Their heads burrowed into the other's neck and Phil tucked himself back behind the crotch of his jeans, his palm falling to where his fingers should have been dancing along Dan's spine. They were so unstable, so afraid, they were nineteen-year-olds facing problems the moon hadn't seen before, and it sympathised for them as it shone a full beam back onto the frosted grass around them. They were both so, so cold, and Dan couldn't feel temperature.

"You'll get ill." the spirit whispered into Phil's collarbone.

"I am ill." the human admitted.

"I know," Dan shakily responded, "I'm sorry." he wept.

"I'll get better soon." Phil smiled, pushing his eyes back into Dan's.

"And then we can go to the beach together." Dan suggested.

Phil nodded, "Yeah, and we'll do this again there," he laughed, "We'll have to make sure we go at night."

"Of course, it's prettier at night."

"It's suits your eyes: the stars."

"Your eyes suit the stars." Dan kindly muttered.

"And we'll get some ice cream."

"You love chocolate ice cream, but I like vanilla. I think we should eat them while we dig our toes in the ocean's sand."

Phil hummed, "And then we can go back to our bedroom."

"And do it all again?"

Phil nodded, "Because Dan?"

"Nothing will stop us, Phil." Daniel finished, his teeth visible in the widest grin he'd had for a year. They were happy.

***

Katherine sat on her bed with her phone to her ear and papers in her hands. Nigel stiffly sat beside her, his fingernails raw and lips dry. He had no say in this, "We'll find somewhere soon, somewhere nearby, Nigel." Katherine remained him.

"I know, it's just...this has been our home."

"And it's been destroying this family ever since we got here. This is our chance, Nigel. It might already be too late to save him but if there's even a slither of hope, I'm taking it."

"What if we're wrong?" he pushed.

She rolled her eyes, "If we were wrong, he wouldn't be getting more unwell by the day. I told you that he fainted this morning? He only had to carry the cabinet in and place it by the stairs. He's sickly and it's all in his mind."

Nigel nodded, standing up and folding the socks in his underwear drawer. His wife used to do it for him, but he barely remembers those days. He used to bring her up a coffee every morning, but she'd long forgotten that.

Within half an hour, Phil's childhood home was back on the market, and Dan sat straddled across his lap in the freezing bite of the night. They were completely vulnerable, and they both knew it, but they smiled until their cheeks ached and their eyes could cry no more.