My Spirit Love (phan)

三十七 - 𝓦𝓪𝓴𝓮

A week had passed, with Martyn and his parents going in and out of the house, collecting belongings, sleeping, taking food away, with no more than a few words spoken. PJ went home after the first night, Martyn using Phil's mobile to leave voicemails on for Dan to receive updates, but nothing ever changed. Ten voicemails a day turned to two in less than seven sleeps. They felt as though they were waiting for something that had already happened. A last breath is all it would take, and it would be over.

Dan listened to the whistles of the voicemail, his arms not entirely visible to himself with his outlines of his body shaking in his view. He thought he looked more like a cloud than a person. If Phil gave up now, he'd barely have a week left of conscience. If he wasn't going to give up, the older boy had better return soon, or it would be too late for the spirit.

***

Phil wasn't being admitted to inpatient psychiatric care - he learnt as the doctor sat at his side discussing the consequences. He'd woken up less than twenty minutes ago from his induced coma that was forcing his body to heal. He begged them not to, agreeing on thrice-weekly therapy instead. He could've sworn Dan was by his side during his unconscious hours. It was too real to be false, he hadn't yet begun to dream when his spirit love was whispering in his ear, crying out for him to stay.

"I just want to go home." Phil muttered helplessly to the doctor, who sighed as he nodded, walking away from the curled-up boy.

He didn't get a second to breathe before Katherine was tearfully at his side, her arms around his waist with her face muffled in his gown, "Phil..." she gasped, "I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up I was getting some water...do you want it?" she offered him the plastic cup, but he shook his head.

"Is anyone else here?" Phil quietly muttered.

Katherine smiled meekly, nodding her head, "Martyn's on his way already and your dad was asleep so he's just getting ready and coming in." the sickly-looking patient glanced outside his window, noticing the darkness of the winter sky. His mum's fingers fell in his hair, "You're going to be alright." she comforted him, although he wanted to know if Dan was back before he hummed in agreement.

There was a soft knock on the hospital door before a worn-looking Martyn with dark drags beneath his eyes stood grinning in the doorway, "Phil." he chuckled, his smile fading as he faced their mum.

She seemed to get the hint, surprisingly, looking between the two of them and the unspoken tension that was rising, "I'll go and talk to the doctor." she hummed, letting Phil go as she hurried out of the room.

Martyn was next to have his hands around his brother's back, holding him into him as he playfully spat, "You fucking idiot."

"I'm sorry." Phil chuckled. He hadn't yet decided if he wanted to be laughing.

"Dan's back." Martyn whispered, "I'll explain it all later, but for now just get your head back and get the fuck back home."

"Okay." Phil agreed, a genuine laugh on his lips. His mind then processed what he'd heard and he pulled away from his older brother, every feature in his face widened, "Dan?" he grinned, the drip still slung from his forearm as he held his arms to his stomach.

"Yeah," Martyn nodded, Phil inviting him onto his hospital bed. They sat beside each other, the younger boy shaking with the light reflecting back into his eyes.

Phil hesitated a moment before whispering, "When do you think I can go home?"

"Soon." Martyn suggested, "I'll make sure you get home soon." he thought about PJ's words about the fading spirit and his sickly look, wondering if the voicemails he was leaving on the lines were even being heard anymore. A gasp fell onto his throat, "Phil?"

"Mm?" the younger brother hummed, his head still bright with dreams.

Martyn hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was safe yet to suggest the vanishment of Phil's boyfriend, "Dan's not doing well. I managed to get PJ round-" he decided it was for the best if he told the truth. It felt as though their world was lacking that recently.

"PJ? Why?"

Martyn shrugged, "The lights were weirdly flickering, I got Dan to Morse code a sentence out and he told me to call him. Phil? I know you want me to fill you in, but I think it's better heard from Dan. Honestly, it doesn't make sense to me."

"Okay." Phil agreed, "But what do you mean he's not doing well?"

"PJ said something about him fading away. He looked... concerned..." he admitted.

Phil pursed his lips and stared at the drip tying him down, "Do you think I can discharge myself?"

"If you're supposed to be here, don't. If you seriously want to get home quickly, make sure you do what they say. They'll want to take you as inpatient, otherwise."

Phil groaned, running his palms over his eyebrows, "Can I call him?"

"Sure!" Martyn agreed, passing his younger brother his phone.

***

Dan sucked a breath in as Phil's mobile rang with the name of his brother, the tones ringing out until he was met with the answerphone message. He waited on the bed, his back facing the device on Phil's side-cupboard with the metallic drill surrounding him, almost wishing Martyn would stop calling so that he could live eternally hoping Phil was alive, instead of knowing the truth.

There was a short beep, followed by a soar-sounding throat, "Dan?" Phil's voice echoed down the line. The spirit gasped, turning his body upwards until he was standing with his elbows against the bedside table, his face looming over the device with a Cheshire Cat grin against his cheeks, "I'm okay." Phil began, "I'm so, so sorry. I know that doesn't begin to cover it, but...but..." he trailed off, "I don't know. I'm coming home and I'll be back soon, okay? Martyn said you weren't doing well but just hang in there for a bit longer and I'll be back. I love you."

"I love you, too." the spirit whispered, his fingertips running over the tears that fell down his face. His hands were barely definable, but it couldn't be long. He'd be fine, he believed. The line clicked and they were apart again.

***

The spirit rushed to the doorstep, waiting with his elbows against his knees for the next hour as every car struck excitement through him. He couldn't imagine how Phil felt through the month he thought Dan had died. He wished he could blame it on himself, but it wasn't his fault, even if he tried for it to be.

He recognised Martyn's car as it pulled up onto the curb, his eyes drilling into the passenger window at a very queasy-looking Phil. Dan smiled, standing up as the door opened and his boyfriend, although frail and pale, stood above him, their eyes locking mid-way.

They didn't need to say anything, so they didn't. Dan let his grin speak for him and Phil let the chuckles from his throat do the same.

"Welcome home." Dan whispered, Phil noticing how weak the spirit looked and his faded edges. If he looked closely, he could see the light from the hallway reflect the doorway through his stomach. Phil could see through Dan and it sent shivers against his gut; wondering how long his best friend would have had left.

"You, too." Phil hummed, looking into the house, "Can we go upstairs?" Dan nodded, leading the way back into their bedroom, where for the first time in two months, they could rest beside each other without fear in their veins. As long as they had each other, they'd be alright. That's why they didn't dare to be apart; never again for a single night.