My Spirit Love (phan)

三十八 - 𝓛𝓪𝓼𝓽 𝓖𝓪𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓷 𝓢𝓬𝓮𝓷𝓮

They stared at each other, Dan's head against his pillow on the right of the bed, and Phil's on his. They grinned, but the light in their expressions was held in their eyes as their faces rested mere centimeters away. Phil leant in, their lips brushing, whether or not they could feel the particles they shared. They only thought of how wonderful the other was.

"You look awful." Phil admitted after a while, his fingertips flowing over Dan's cheek.

"So do you." Dan laughed, shaking his head against the cotton bedsheets. He saw Phil's fear, but wanted to convince him they had today without worrying about it. They deserved one day, "We can do anything," Dan whispered, "Anything you want. I want to make up for every second I was gone and I want you to have a memory of me for when I'm gone."

Phil searched Dan's eyes, but only found dilated pupils and wonder, "Why would I need a memory of you? I've had a decade and a lifetime more to come."

Dan sighed, brushing his lips through Phil's and letting their eyelids flutter, "We don't have to worry about that now," he sighed, "Just trust me. Right now, I want to sit with you and let the stars gaze in awe at us. You're wonderful, Phil; we're wonderful, and I want us both to believe that."

"Okay." Phil smiled, having faith in every word that escaped his spirit's lips, "Then I want to go into the garden and lie with you in the cold."

"I'd like that." Dan agreed, sitting up with his eyes set on his boyfriend, "But you have to wear a coat."

The human chuckled, stepping off the bed, leaving Dan with his legs folded under his bottom and his arms sprawled out relaxed at his sides. He picked up his coat from the back of his desk chair and cradled it in his arms, his eyes falling to the perfectly arranged table. He hummed, pulling the chair out slightly and cocking the laptop sideways. Dan noticed it and he was satisfied.

They trod down the stairs to their family, Martyn sitting on the sofa perpendicular to Nigel and Katherine. They silenced themselves when Phil stood in the doorway, with Dan unknowingly hovering by his side, "We're just...going into the garden." Phil smiled, giving the three of them a shrug.

"Are you alright?" Nigel asked his youngest child.

"Yeah." Phil replied truthfully, "Thank you." he wasn't sure what he was thanking, but he needed to say the words. He walked through the kitchen and opened the back door, feeling their eyes fall off his back and returning to their conversation.

"Come, sit." Dan giggled, patting the ground besides him. Phil looked cautiously at the dirt, acknowledging the dug-up ground above the old well. Dan saw his best friend's eyes trail away and towards the ground he assumed caused his vanishment, "It's okay." the spirit comforted, "Sit with me!" his playful tone returned.

Phil looked around at the garden, chuckling as over the years, the sight barely changed. His mother had planted a few new flowers here and there, but apart from that and the decaying wooden bench, it had stayed a constant throughout his life. It was simple, but he thought it was beautiful, knowing he was probably biased.

"Phiiiiillll!" Dan was whining now, falling onto his back and staring up at the night sky alone, "It's not going to bite."

They'd not lied together in the strands of grass for months. The garden had slowly emptied as the two boys grew older, yet their love for the night never changed. Phil wanted to possess the childishness Dan had so easily managed to reabsorb, but it had changed, and there wasn't much he could do about it.

"It doesn't have to be the same." Dan whispered, Phil inching closer along the open space to hear him, "We're not seven anymore, so it's not going to feel like we're seven. But it doesn't have to, because we've grown. If we still felt like we did when we were children then we wouldn't have what we have now. But don't let that stop you from enjoying this, Phil. Lay across the grass with me, let's forget everything else. It's you and me, Phil; boyfriend and boyfriend; best friend and best friend. Let's make the most of it." but the young adult didn't seem to be upset, with his brown eyes staring at the lightless sky.

Phil sighed contently, nodding as he sat beside the spirit, "Dan?" he asked, an idea brewing in his mind.

"Mm?" the spirit chuckled, turning onto his side with his elbow propping his body up.

"If you were a human...do you think you'd want to get married someday?" he felt nervous, as though he should be looking away from the blushing curly-haired boy in front of him, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.

"Of course." Dan responded, sitting upwards and crossing his legs, circling his fingers on the grass' frost, "It would mean you couldn't run away-" he giggled, a loving tint to his smile.

"You idiot." Phil laughed, "I could say the same to you."

"I know." Dan hummed, looking back into Phil's pupils, "Who says we wouldn't be able to fight to get married anyway?"

"Okay, then." Phil nodded, his hands shaking beside him and his heart thumping against his ears, "Daniel Howell, will you marry me?" he thought about kneeling but he didn't think he could stably hold himself up, so instead he sat on one leg, the other just to his side with his arms supporting the weight of his upper body so he could lean towards the other timid boy.

Dan's eyes were wide, but he held a grin from ear to ear. He wanted to speak up, wanted to warn him, but if Phil hadn't made it clear to him that he didn't care how long they had left, then Dan obviously would never understand. But, he did because he felt what it was like to think he'd lost the older boy, and he'd never wish that on him. So, he hesitated, fearful of the harm he could do if he said yes, but was completely aware of the greater collateral damage he'd cause if 'no' slipped through his lips.

And he didn't want to say 'no'.

"Yes." Dan smiled, searching Phil for any signs of it being a joke, "Yeah." he nodded, an amused breath escaping his nostrils.

"Good, because I don't mind if we can never marry, but I'm tired of not being able to call you more than my boyfriend."

"Mm." Dan agreed, still in shock.

The moon watched over the two men as they laid across the white grass in its reflective glow. It was their spotlight, and the stars were their audience as they watched the lovers' lips close the air between themselves, across the Lesters' garden. They were perfect, just as they should have been, and they were beautiful, even with Dan's faded outline and Phil's whitened skin. But tonight wasn't about their limited time, it was about the moments they had left, and this is one of them they'd never forget, even if they had less than a year left.