My Spirit Love (phan)

二十一 - 𝓘𝓶𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓣𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱

"You deserve better than me." the seventeen-year-old whispered as he clawed at the bed sheets above his waist.

Dan chuckled uncomfortably, "What? Of course not."

"You got me, because I'm the only one with this level of ability. Anyone could have had it; anyone else should have had it." he sighed, hitting the mound of covers he'd formed and letting his back fall against the head board of their double bed.

Restless nights like these weren't uncommon anymore. Dan spent countless bedtimes easing Phil through his panic and concerns, although sometimes he shared them and couldn't reason them himself. Every day Phil woke up, instantly turning his head to the spirit resting against the pillow beside him. Dan wasn't aware he did this until he caught him one morning in the flurry of terror, questioning him on what he was doing, "Sometimes I think I'll wake up and you'd have gone." he responded before turning away with tears forming in his eyes as his heart rate slowly fell.

Dan promised him that unless it was out of his control, he'd let Phil know every thought he had about letting Phil go. The poor human boy had buried himself in fears he couldn't ease and they were eating at him more than the sickness from his energy being drained.

"Maybe they're caused by the energy being drained." Dan thought to himself as he wrapped himself against the older boy. Phil sucked in a breath, scraping the fabric of the bed covers against his eyes before pulling his laptop onto his lap and opening their website.

The blog had been doing outstandingly well and Phil was even making a substantial living off of it. He'd been updating with information about Cambridge University's research and his involvement with them, which although hadn't been much progress, there was plenty to write about. PJ came around every few months, but as Phil's anxiety increased, the days between them meeting did too.

"I just don't think it's helpful for me to come around." PJ told Dan the last time he was leaving, "He's becoming too focused on fixing this. I want to help, I really do, but I'm a nineteen-year-old collecting research. I'm so glad I've made friends out of this, but I think me coming round just focuses Phil too much on the wrong thing."

"I get it." Dan replied, "I know what you mean, too. Keep in touch though, alright?"

"Definitely." PJ reassured the spirit, "I'll still come around. We'll get back to routine once Phil's better." the student chuckled, the sounds of amusement fading out as they both realised that was either without Phil, or without Dan.

Dan nodded, wiping his thumb against his eye before subtly turning away, "Yeah. Of course." he sighed, "See you around, Peej."

***

The spirit looked over his boyfriend's laptop, watching his tabs dissappear between research and their website. He sighed, sitting between Phil and the screen, demanding his attention to be diverted, "Stop, please." Dan slowly begged.

The black-haired boy nodded, closing the device and chucking it to the side, running his fingernails against the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit he'd formed after Katherine began to discuss what he was to do for universities. If he was to attend, which he didn't want to, he was going to have to apply in the next few months. He'd discussed taking a gap year, but she still wanted him to have a look.

Phil's lip was sucked between his teeth as he nodded, diverting his eyes away from the concerned boy in his lap. Dan's brown eyes sank into his face, the light from the window behind them reflecting in the left of his pupils, bouncing off the water forming against them. The room around them was still, apart from the sniffling of the older boy and the heavy breathing of the other, as they held themselves motionless.