My Spirit Love (phan)

十七 - 𝓒𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓑𝓸𝔁

The two boys rested with their chests heavily rising and falling and limbs as entangled as they could be. Dan's forehead was pressed partially into Phil's collar, causing the world around him to turn dark. They stayed here together, soft smiles against their lips as they listened to their heartbeats drum in unison, a marching band out of only the two of them. Water nestled in the corners of Dan's eyes, "It's not fair." he whispered.

Phil knew it wasn't, but was fixated on not focusing on it, they'd work it out between them. He believed they had a lifetime ahead of them; a lifetime for intimacy, a lifetime for love. He sat up, Dan's head remaining where he held it until he rolled himself onto his back, looking at the light beaming over them. The older boy turned his head, admiring his boyfriend's lost stare with a dose of understanding and loss, but they had what they had and it was as near as perfect as they could achieve.

Dan's experience of sex was as far as what he'd viewed in the media, either through films, YouTube, or posts on social media. He wondered what Phil understood, with his life at school, and if the human would slowly learn that Dan wasn't enough for him. The tear slipped down the side of his face, quickly wiping it away before Phil caught it.

"It's not. But what would fair be?" Phil hummed, staring at the door with his hands against his lap, conscious that he was still bare, "If you weren't a spirit, you wouldn't have been able to be here every moment of my day. I couldn't have you when I wanted you because you'd be living with your parents in another house." he sighed, picking up his underwear from besides the bed and pulling them on, "God, my arms hurt." he ran his palms over his elbows, staring at them for signs of bruising. His entire body felt tired; more so than it should even if he was pressing Dan against the bed not long before, "It's like I've got the flu again." he looked at Dan with a troubled pull on his eyebrows, the both of them remembering the time his boyfriend sat by his side, talking to him as he lied still and exhausted with the virus taking over. It frustrated Dan that he couldn't fetch things for his best friend, limited to comforting words that Phil would assure him were enough.

It wasn't the first time Phil would get bouts of feeling weak. He had a passing realisation that it was around the times that Dan would be more alive in the physical plane, but couldn't figure out how it would connect. Not until Dan's guilty eyes fell away from his trusting gaze, the older boy growing with concern.

Dan sighed, "It's not fair."

"What isn't?" Phil pushed, his voice deepening with concern.

Dan titled his head back before sitting up to face Phil. But he shook his head, losing the confidence only seconds before he could share the truth.

Phil sat closer, pressing his elbows into his knees, "We didn't keep secrets when we were young." his tone was soft and forgiving, but stressed with hurt. He knew his boyfriend trusted him, therefore he grew with worrying understanding the words that lied ahead were nothing pleasant.

"We did." Dan admitted, "I did." he let the hum of the radiator burn out into the room before he sucked a breath in and admitted the weight that was chained against him for years, but he didn't do so with dry eyes, "I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't sleep. My energy is contained, so I don't need an intake, that is if I don't pass my energy out too much. Every laugh, every touch, every time I kiss you...I drain myself." Phil seemed confused, but the spirit didn't hesitate to answer questions, "So, I take a bit of yours. I have done for years. I wanted to laugh with you, so I stole the energy I needed to. I'm sorry."

"Dan?" Phil sighed.

"Yes?" he kept his eyes trained on his thumbs.

"I don't mind. If I can get energy from food, sleep, and drink, I'll have enough to pass onto you. I just need to make sure I stay healthy. I'll always take an excuse to eat more." the black-haired boy chuckled, a smaller grin appearing on Dan's lips, too, "Okay?" Phil asked.