f o r t y - f i v e

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so this song doesn't have anything to do with the chapter but it's a really good song and i fucking love it so much so here please listen to it because i actually just spent actual money actually buying it legally on itunes because it was so good [close enough - the stationary set]

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I spat, sounding a lot like razorblades and third-degree burns, before shoving Owen back by his shoulders once he entered the dorm.

 "I-- Luke, what are you talking about?" He asked with a bit of a scowl, but his eyebrows were knit together and he was fiddling with his fingers the way he does when he gets anxious.

I just scoffed, and my chest was constricting in an angry manner and I was quite literally trying my hardest not to hurt Owen right now.

"You're the one who brought me back here, right?" I spat, shoving him against the door by the shoulders. "And you're the contact Ashton has?"

He gulped, noticeably so, shrinking down against the door and moving his gaze from mine to the floor.

"Luke..." He croaked.

But I just laughed. I laughed the most hollow laugh I could muster up, and you could practically hear all the cuts and burns on my insides. And Owen visibly cringed at the sound, but God, I was actually glad.

"Fuck you." I breathed. "People are leaving me left and right and here I thought you'd actually be the dependable one. Fuck you."

And with that, I shoved him aside and slammed the door behind me as I stormed off down the hall. There was a force stronger than words could describe that slammed into the ground with each step I took, and if it weren't for all of my muscles being all constricted in fury, I probably could've fallen apart right there in that hallway.

But I didn't. Parts of me almost wished I did, but I never did. I just walked down that hallway, tearing at the seams but patching each one up so as not to have an attack in front of all these people who were already staring at me to begin with.

"Luke--" Someone had said-- I believe it was my friend Ellie, actually, but I didn't turn around. I didn't even acknowledge her. She'd left me a long time ago; I wasn't looking for someone to comfort me and ditch me two seconds after.

So I stormed right out of the building without my phone or my meds or anything at all, really, aside from a bit of loose change and self-loathing. Not sure that would get me that far, though.

And I walked and walked and walked after that. I walked past the college, past that stupid flower shop on Fifth Street, past a million different outlet stores and small restaurants, past people travelling in every direction while the sun went down, and I felt like I could've walked forever.

Eventually though, when I'd come to a part of town I was completely unfamiliar with, I had to force myself to cave. So I found a payphone and crammed some quarters in the slot, only then realizing that I didn't really have anyone to call.

I could've called a cab, but since Ash told me that story about the fake cabby when he was like, seventeen, who basically tried to kidnap him, I didn't really trust cabs very much anymore. Especially not at night.

I shook my head; I was trying my very hardest not to think about anyone at all right now.

I shakily dialed a number, my heart sinking lower and lower with each ring, and I very quickly became aware of the fact that he wasn't going to answer. Not that I was surprised, surely, he'd never pick up if he didn't know who it was; I knew that about him, and it used to drive me crazy, actually. How does your curiosity not drive you crazy when you ignore a phonecall like that? It could be important, and you'd never ever even know.

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