perhaps, you | woosan

Chapter Twenty

POV: Wooyoung

It was another day of San helping Wooyoung out with his English assignments when the phone on the desk vibrated. 'No. 3' illuminated the screen, and Wooyoung decided to ignore it at a glance.

"Aren't you going to take it?" San asked, eyeing Wooyoung's phone busily ringing.

"Ignore it," he groaned, busily moving his pen on the paper scribbling what he didn't know.

"You made me take a call back then," San snickered. "It's your turn."

Wooyoung rolled his eyes at San who walked towards his bed, relaxing, who must have resolved in not helping him out anymore if he weren't to take that bloody call. Sliding that green illustration, he placed his phone next to his ear.

"Hello? Woo?" It was Seonghwa.

Wooyoung had his family's number registered in his phone (the main purpose of it was to ignore them), his father as 'No. 1', his mother as 'No.2' and his brother as 'No. 3'. Those three people he'd be willing to avoid as much as possible.

Giving back just a word or two, Wooyoung ended the call.

"That quick?"

"Choi San," Wooyoung turned his head to the man tilting his head. "You're coming with me."

"En?"

The three met at the quiet area of the dorm's garden. Seonghwa had suddenly come to visit Wooyoung, saying there was something he wanted to talk about. He could've just ignored and chased him away, but somehow he felt okay—under one condition; to have San by his side. He briefly explained that he wasn't on good terms with his family and that was why he started living in the dorm. The clueless man nodded, not prying further.

"Woo," Seonghwa smiled in relief seeing the face of his brother, clearly worried that he might not show up. His smile soon turned into a questioning face at the figure next to Wooyoung.

"This is Choi San, my roommate," Wooyoung introduced briefly, in which San greeted him with a smile.

"Hi San, I'm Seonghwa, Wooyoung's brother," like the good favourable man he was, Seonghwa soon turned his face into a friendly smile and shook San's hand.

He then mumbled only to Wooyoung, "um, Woo, this is kind of a private matter...."

"I know," he replied unbothered, and Seonghwa understood that he wasn't going to listen without San.

"I'm sorry for what happened the other day," Seonghwa started.

Wooyoung pretty much knew what was coming and only replied with a snicker. But what followed was a rather surprise to him.

"Your words made me realise how we have neglected you. How we didn't try to see you for who you are, but pushing our ideal upon you. I hope it's not too late for me to realise my mistakes."

Wooyoung looked into Seonghwa's eyes to see if this was another show they were pulling to have him under their control, but all he could see was genuine regret. He felt conflicted and agitated, to the point he reached for San's hand unknowingly, clutching it for assurance.

"...What made you think that way?"

"It's just what you told us the other day. It made me realise how much I didn't know you...even though you are my brother," Seonghwa smiled defeatedly. "It also cleared the fog in my mind—and made me realise that I was lying to myself all this while, because I was scared of my parents. And because I was scared of society's judgement."

"What lie?"

"That I wanted a standardised family; a beautiful wife and two children."

"You don't want to get married?"

"It's not that—I'm just," he breathed, looking conflicted on whether to continue but hesitantly said, "asexual."

Wooyoung furrowed his eyebrows at an unfamiliar term.

"Asexual?"

"Meaning he's not sexually attracted to someone," San explained.

Seonghwa bit his lip. "...Yes, I can't make a family."

Wooyoung was confused. Back in the days, he had seen Seonghwa dating a number of girls. Although if he were to recall, he did find it strange that none of his relationships lasted long. He probably was in high demand with his looks and his nature, but perhaps this could've been the reason.

"I tried dating people. And even though I am capable of being romantically attracted to them, no matter how much I tried I just couldn't-" Seonghwa broke off, his breath shaky.

Wooyoung understood. Although he personally didn't give a damn about his brother's sexuality or his future life, to have lived in that household where they established their beliefs over abominably stereotypical ground of 'ideal human life', which Wooyoung had always been a victim, Seonghwa probably felt suffocated, drowned, and strangled, trying to live up to their expectation but in the process denying who he truly was, choking himself.

Wooyoung barely survived revolting against those outdated people, and could only imagine his brother's twenty years of struggle being under that wing.

"You...Woo, you gave me the strength to accept who I truly am," Seonghwa, who looked fragile a moment ago, had now a small flame inside those eyes—newly lit, yet to grow, and never to fade. "I'm sorry for who I was, and thank you."

Wooyoung didn't know what to say. It wasn't easy for him to forget the nineteen years of betrayal he had received from him. But he wasn't heartless not to feel the genuine regret in the man's voice. He felt his hands gripped tighter—San was reassuring him that he was there, and now he could breathe.

"I've already told my parents. It was a rough ride, but they'll have to accept it sooner or later," Seonghwa said. Slinging his bag strap on his shoulder, he stood up. "I need to catch my bus to head to Seoul now. Thanks for hearing me out, the two of you," Seonghwa smiled, glancing at the two boys holding their hands.

He took few steps, hesitated before he added, "...Woo, I hope you could give our parents some time...and a chance to forgive."

Wooyoung watched as his brother walked away. He could feel from San's stare and his grip that he was urging him to say something. He wanted to. But didn't know the right words. In the end, he yelled, "hyung! Hwaiting!" at his back, in which Seonghwa replied with a waving hand.

He never turned back, so Wooyoung will never find out how a smile tugged on Seonghwa's lips, as tears brimmed on his eyes—because those short words meant so much to him.

The two boys walked back to their room, not realising they had their hands still connected.

"Thanks for coming along," Wooyoung mumbled.

"You don't have to thank me for that. I hope I wasn't intervening in family matters."

"I wanted you to be there."

Only after the words left his mouth did Wooyoung realised it sounded too intimate, as if San were his boyfriend. But that was nothing but his true feelings. Somehow with San, he could breathe easily. He could become braver and stronger. He could be who he was, and feel safe. He felt like he could fight anything if he were by his side. It was a strange feeling, but it had built its firmness as days went by.

Pursing his lips, he glanced at the man walking next to him, earning a thump in his heart as he saw San replying with a soft smile.

"By the way," San prompted. "Your brother is hot, you know?"

Wooyoung felt a sudden need to stitch the taller's mouth. He felt a bitterness spark in his heart, and chided with a new word he had just learned. "He's asexual."

"Regrettable," San chuckled, ignorant to how his unkempt words made Wooyoung sway.

A/N:

I hope you understand that although I'm not an expert in LGBTQ+ knowledges, I respect every shape of love, or even if love isn't what you relate with, I appreciate for who you are.

Needless to say, so long as it isn't morally wrong.