45. Quaranta­cinque

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Ghalat fehmi - Superstar

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Ghalat fehmi - Superstar

Aisa nahi kahin koi hai, Ghalat fehmi jo bani hai

Khoya nahi apnaapan, Ehsaas ki raah chuni hai

Tarasti hain nigaahein meri, Takti hain raahein teri

Sunn kabhi aahein meri, Yeh kaise main bataaun

Tujhe soti nahin aankhein meri, Kat'ti nahin raatein meri

My hands were unsteady, fingers trembling like I was experiencing cold when I brought the blade closer to my face to shave off my month-long beard

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My hands were unsteady, fingers trembling like I was experiencing cold when I brought the blade closer to my face to shave off my month-long beard. I'd briefly met mamma and the only thing she said to me was a complaint about my beard. When I finally reached home two days later, I decided to get rid of it. In her eyes, her son was not looking like a gentleman. I scoff, turning the tap on, the white foam had turned a light shade of red with my blood. I had several shallow cuts on my cheeks, another sign of my ineptness.

The workload is taking a toll on me, with my plaster and bandaged finger I feel like a cripple. After Lorenzo's death and Soto spending all night guarding Zara's house, I work double to hide his absence on the field. 

 I rubbed the aftershave over my clean-shaven face, feeling the sting on my skin. I fucking looked normal, felt normal with the pain ricocheting in my hands and face. It's been fucking while since Emiliano decided to baby me by barring me out of the fighting rings. Not that I have time. From watching Zara like a stalker every morning before heading for work, then getting my hands dirty at night, I have never been this busy in my life.

I was ambling towards the fridge to rummage for something to eat when my phone dinged. A message from Soto flashed on my screen. I threw everything and drove to Zara's house.

Using the key to her house, I jerked open the door and let myself in. Zara was on the floor, her legs tucked beneath her, hands falling limp to her side. Fat tears trickled down her face as she watched Van, sleeping on his bed. Her expression was twisted in a frown, her rosy lips were chapped and dry.

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