Hermitcraft AUs, Oneshots, and Jazz

Golden Rings

(12/23/20)close enough... *checks time, it's 12:36am on the 24th* yeeaahh

"Joe, you absolute moron. This is exactly why you die so often." Cleo held her head in her hands.

The former stood in front of the latter, donned in his half-iron half-netherite armor, "No, I'm convinced that is entirely the product of my stupidity alone."

Cleo furrowed her eyebrows, "Well, I'm pretty sure that your oath against diamonds probably doesn't help the situation. What do you have against them anyway?"

The poet crossed his arms, "Diamonds are an evil creation that was invented just to a better economy for the rich and condemn those unfortunate enough not to be born into wealth. The very premise of the economy, whether by choice or happenstance, is to corrupt those who understand it best, so I make it my goal to misunderstand it as much as possible." 

"So, say the currency was wheat. Would you swear off bread forever?" Cleo inquired, trying to understand the mess of a train of thought that ran through Joe's head.

Joe ran his hand through his beard, "Not bread per se, as bread is the combination of wheat and several other ingredients. Similarly to netherite armor being a product of diamonds, as well as gold and ancient debris. I purge the armor of its diamond remnants by soaking it in lava for a certain length of time, just as bread would cleanse itself in the heat of an oven as it changes."

Cleo pursed her lips, "I would say that I was surprised how much you've thought this through, but you're Joe, so I'm more concerned than anything."

Grinning, Joe stood a little taller, "I am very thorough in the matter of the economy and its downfall."

Cleo waved her hand in Joe's direction, "You do you, Joe." She stood up, brushing her hair out of her face. "Well, let's get this show on the road then, shall we?"

Joe frowned, "I'm still very convinced that this is a horrible idea that will only end badly with a side of possible death. Let's do it."

Cleo clapped her hands together, "Perfect!" She grabbed Joe's wrist and dragged him through a nether portal.

After getting over the initial queasiness of dimension traveling, the two stepped out into a more or less unexplored area of the nether.

Joe pulled up a small hologram with his current coordinates, "Let's get this over with before we come to our senses."

"Psh, like that will ever happen." Cleo waved her hand in dismissal before walking north, in the direction where a bastion was supposed to be.

Before they started walking, Joe pulled out a strange purple and black block, "Don't forget the respawn anchor; I'd prefer having a short commute if I were to die." He placed down the block before holding up a few shards of glowstone, which got sucked in, making the obsidian block glow. A shimmery purple liquid filled up the block, and Joe ran his hand through it, leaving a slight sparkle in its wake.

Cleo did the same before they headed off towards the bastion.

Since it was winter, the Nether was slightly cooler than usual, despite its having no correlation with the overworld and seasons- being another dimension and all. Now, rather than a barely bearable hot waste, it was a slightly more bearable hot that could be compared to a summer day in Florida, except much drier.

Soon, a tall towering black structure came into view through the thick nether fog. The cube structure was in ruins, yet it still stood strong.

Cleo and Joe both switched out their helmets for flimsier ones made of gold. Both looked as though they had been forged and enchanted in a rush, although that's because they were.

"Ready to die?"

"Absolutely!"

They both unsheathed sharp swords, one iron one diamond, and ran into the bastion.

Deciding that splitting up was probably a stupid decision, the duo decided to stick together. That way, they could slightly increase their rates of survival.

"Whoa whoa whoa-!" Cleo barely dodged the golden axe hurtling towards her head. She turned to see a piglin brute, seemingly the one who had thrown it. Fury filled it's milky white eyes.

Joe held up a shield, barely blocking another throwing axe, "Well, Mr. Brute, that was incredibly rude."

"Joe!"

"Sorry, Mr, Mrs, or Mx, didn't mean to assu-"

joehillssays was slain by Piglin Brute

"Goddammit Joe"

Joe was teleported to the obsidian respawn anchor, slight lingering pain in his chest's upper right part from the axe. A deep noise echoed from the purple cube, and it grew slightly dimmer.

Once he regained his bearings, he made his way to the bastion once again, retracing his steps.

He made sure to pay more attention to his surroundings as his footsteps echoed through the ruined blackstone building. One would think the inhabitants would have tried to upkeep it better for being such an inhabited building.

Finally, Joe made it back to the large room that he had died in. The good news, the piglin brute was gone. The not so good news, Cleo was there.

"Joe, I swear on my armor stand book I will break your legs one day." Cleo rubbed the bridge of her nose before tossing Joe's items to him. Joe quickly equipped his armor, and they started once again.

_____

It's safe to say that the trip went better than expected.

Although that wasn't saying much.

joehillssays was slain by Magma Cube

ZombieCleo was slain by Piglin

joehillssays was shot by Piglin

joehillssays tried to swim in lava whilst trying to escape Piglin Brute

ZombieCleo was slain by Magma Cube

ZombieCleo burnt to a crisp

joehillssays was slain by ZombieCleo using [Christmas Cheer]

<rendog> O_o

Joe and Cleo exited the remnants, battered and bruised, but nonetheless satisfied with their results. They may not have gotten to explore the entire bastion, but they had still walked away with a decent amount of loot. They even had a few chunks of ancient debris to split between themselves. 

After splitting up their rewards accordingly, Joe and Cleo stood in Cleo's base, close enough so that the rainbow was in view. Joe proudly put his hands on his hips, "I think that was a success!"

Cleo nodded in agreement, "And we didn't even die all that much!"

"It would have been a new record for how little we'd died in the matter of a day while together if you hadn't killed me in the end." Joe crossed his arms.

"Well, in my defense, you were annoying." Cleo defended, shrugging and rummaging through one of her chests. "In all seriousness, get better armor Joe, you're actually killing me."

"Well, technically speaking-"

"Joe, don't even start."

_____

1122 words

I was super happy because Grammarly wasn't giving me any corrections so I thought that I was writing well for once but the internet was just being sucky so hA-

Bye, you beautiful biscottis!