Never Say Forever (LAMS READERS CHOICE)

Chapter One

I stare at the coffin in front of me. Alexander wasn't in there. No one ever found the body. But he was gone. That we were sure of. It wasn't possible that he survived being shot and then falling into the river. He either drowned or died of blood loss or-

"John, it's time to go." A french accent states as a hand is felt on my shoulder. 

I snap out of my thoughts and look up at him, tears threatening to spill. "But, the funeral-"

"Ended twenty minutes ago." He finishes my sentence. I freeze and stare up at him. 

"I- But- It did?" I ask. 

He nods and smiles sympathetically at me. I fall into his arms and hug him tightly, crying into his chest. I shake my head. "Why.. Why did he have to go?" I ask. 

Lafayette sighs and rubs my back carefully. "I don't know, John. The world works in weird ways." 

I pull away from him and look over across from me. Elizabeth was standing there, staring at the coffin as well. She didn't seem to have any emotion on her face, but I knew she was hurting. I knew deep down inside, she was falling apart. I knew this because I was the same way. We both loved the man, though she never knew how I truly felt. 

I walk over to her and stand next to her, looking at the coffin. "He will be missed incredibly." I tell her. 

She nods. "Yes, yes I suppose he will." 

I nod in response and we stand in silence for a little longer. Elizabeth then shakes her head, sadness finally finding a place on her previously emotionless face. "I just.. The kids are so young.. He was so young.. We had a whole life planned out together.." 

"I know, I know.. He would want us to move on, though. And in order to do that, we're going to have to help each other." I take a step closer to her and lean my head on her shoulder. "I'm here whenever you need help."

She leans her head on mine and I hear her sigh. "The children are devastated. Poor little Angelica, she's only two, she doesn't even understand what's going on." 

"Yes, but they have their mother. You are a strong woman, Elizabeth. Your children will be alright, I promise." I assure her. She sigh gently. 

"Thank you for convincing me to do this.. He deserved a nice funeral.." She says. 

"Eliza, you know it's been a week and they still can't find him-"

"Shut up, Peggy. He could still be out there!" Elizabeth snaps at her younger sister.

I was sitting across from them, holding my legs to my chest. The moment kept playing in my head over and over again. I couldn't stop thinking of it. The way we were being careless. The way the river ran. The way the shot echoed through the air. The way I couldn't catch him in time. 

"John, what do you think? There's no way he's actually gone, right?"  Eliza asks. 

I don't look up at her. "I think we should hold a funeral." I say quietly. 

They both are quiet for a moment. "But.. What if.. What if he's not gone..?" 

"Eliza, I was there. There's no way he's still out there. He's gone, and we need to have a funeral." I say, staring at the ground.

She frowns and drops to the floor. "He's really gone.." She says for the first time since he passed. 

I stand up straight and look down at her. "Come, I'll take you and the kids home." 

She nods and I hold her hand as I take her to my car. I help little Philip and Angelica into my back seat, buckling Angie in her car seat before turning towards Lafayette. 

"Laurens, are you sure you're alright to drive?" He asks. 

I nod. "I'll be fine to drive them home. I might break down when I get to my own, though.." I say, sucking in a breath so I don't cry then and there. 

"If you want, I'll come over and we can talk and drink." He says, to which I hug him. 

"Thank you, I would appreciate it." 

Timeskip brought to you by your last chance to negotiate.

I laugh at something Laf had said. I don't know what it was, and clearly it wasn't meant to be funny, but I was laughing. I was laughing so hard my head hurt. Or maybe that was from the whiskey. Who's to say?

"John, you need to stop drinking, you'll wake up with a pounding headache tomorrow, and you have work, do you not?"

"Aw, work shmerk! I'll just call in sick or something!" I slur, giggling lightly. 

Lafayette sighs and takes my drink away from me, and I whine. "John, you've been out of work for the past month. It's time to get back to work, time to get back to a normal life." He says sternly. 

I frown at him and reach for my drink, but he stands and brings it to the kitchen. "Life will never go back to normal." I pout as I sink back into the couch.

"Mon ami, please don't say that. We can get past this, I promise-"

"Can we, Laf? Maybe you can, but I don't think I can." I sigh and rub the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and my thumb. "I never even got the chance to tell him how I really felt about him.."

Laf paused for a moment. I had told him of my crush on my best friend, but he never told anyone else. It would be way too much drama than it was worth. He sighs softly.

"John, you know you couldn't have.. It's not your fault."

"But isn't it?" I ask, looking up at him. "I mean, maybe if I could have just...Caught him before he fell into the river, then we could have taken him to the doctor and he would've lived-"

"John, we can't focus on the what ifs. What happened, happened. You can't change it-"

"I can't change it now, but I could have. I could have prevented it from happening, and then I wouldn't be stuck grieving over him still and maybe eventually I could have told him how I really felt and then I wouldn't be so damn miserable and-"

"John, breathe." I do as instructed and he sits next to me, rubbing my shoulder. "I think you should get some rest. If you don't end up going into work tomorrow, fine. But please go back by next week."

I nod silently and he cleans up a little as I head to my room. I lay down in my bed, not bothering to change. I didn't want to. There was no point.

I lay in bed and sigh. If I go to work tomorrow, then I'd be forced to socialize but I'd be back to making money and such. If I stayed home, I could sit around and stay sad a little while longer. I weigh my options and slowly start to fall into a deep sleep.

Option 1: Go to Work
Option 2: Stay Home

Place your votes here ☞☞ (Voting Closed)

1220 Words

(I promise decisions will get better as we keep going, it's difficult starting off)

As I was writing the funeral scene, Helpless came on in my earbuds. I- That was cruel Spotify.