Deranged // Taekook

Chapter Seven

Jungkook couldn't remember the time he walked out of his safe haven and never felt anxious. The thought itself - not having anxiety - was quite a bizarre thought for the naturally anxious boy.

Well, Jungkook wasn't necessarily naturally anxious. He was always timid but the events from childhood are what built up the anxiety to the point where it simply felt natural to have it. Jungkook wasn't anxious at home - his safe haven. But when he prepared to go outside, it would slowly enter him the way drugs from a syringe entered the bloodstream. It was an uncomfortable, crawly feeling that would start at the bottom of hís spine and slowly make its way upward and spread to the rest of his body and turned his blood to ice. It was like an icy hug from whatever demon was assigned to him from hell - a cold reminder that anything and everything outside his door posed as a threat.

Usually, he tried his best to ignore the spiders that crawled inside his body, leaving cold pricks all over the underside of his skin. "It's just simply paranoia", Dr. Irel had said, "and you must learn how to handle it and ignore it. No one is going to go out of their way to hurt you, Jungkook."

But someone had gone out of their way to hurt him so who's to say that it won't happen again?

Nonetheless, Jungkook managed to handle his anxiety and his paranoia fairly well.

But this time was different. The thin hairs on his neck and arms stood, his heartbeat was heavy and fast, his breathing was laboured, he felt as though an ice bucket had been dumped on him.

Someone was following him and he knew it.

Of course, Jungkook should have been scared when his laptop was hacked. But in a twisted sense, Jungkook was flattered.

Someone was watching him.

Someone was following him.

Amongst the 51.24 million people that lived in South Korea, someone decided that he piqued their interest. Someone discovered him and thought he was worthy of their interest; their attention.

Jungkook was very much aware that whoever was following him was probably following him with ill intent. He was either going to get his information sold (or that has already happened), his bank account hacked, kidnapped, or killed. The latter two didn't seem too bad. Jungkook's standard of living was incredibly low - his stalker could take him and lock him in a closet with no food and the boy would thank the person. Because death, at this point, seemed like a luxury that he'd never get. And being locked in a closet meant darkness and then meant safety.

Despite the intense paranoia and the anxiety that came with being stalked, it also filled the eighteen-year-old with a bit of excitement. He's heard stories about the infamous hackers working for the mafia that his idol belonged to; Internet Sharks is what many people referred to them as and in the exclusive interview Veleno did with Breaking South Korea (or BSK Now), he revealed that he led Group D - one out of a staggering fourteen groups that worked on the many layers of the internet. Group D, professionally known as the Department of Cyber Destruction, reported to Veleno but were paid by Guns. The paying method was never disclosed, but Jungkook assumed it was by commission in addition to annual salary since Veleno made it known that their employees make a lot of money annually.

Then again, of course, Lucifer and Satan would have to pay the people who work for them extra well considering their jobs are both illegal and incredibly dangerous.

Jungkook would give the leaders his entire savings just to work under them. He wanted to know what it felt like to be protected and the Kim Mafia offered protection. Of course, at a cost of your life. The first thing Jungkook would do is kill those who shattered him and left nothing to repair the damage - nothing but a wicked smile. Then he'd go to his parents and make their life a living hell for doing the same to him. He'd ruin his father for abusing him all those years after his first diagnosis and then ridiculing him after those boys brutally raped and beat him for hours.

Jungkook shook his head as he opened the door to the public library with a gloved hand. He needed to get rid of those thoughts. He needed to stop wanting revenge.

"I understand you hate those who hurt you so bad, Jungkook," Dr. Irel had said, "but don't you think hurting them the way they hurt you makes you about as horrible as they are?"

But Jungkook was horrible. He was a horrible person and his mind could prove it. But he would never act on his wants - his wants weren't important.

"You need to focus on yourself, not the hatred in you."

The funny thing is, Jungkook never dwelled on his hatred towards the antagonists in his life until he started researching the mafia. It was then when he started thinking about all the ways the mafia would allow him to get back at his attackers and his abusers.

Jungkook shook his head again.

"Hi, sir, how may I help you?" The woman at the checkout desk asked. "Do you need to turn a book in, renew it, or check something out?"

'Check a book out, ask her for the autobiography of NJ Kim'

"U-Um, yes I-I need - I-I want the book - autobiography - of NJ Kim."

Jungkook wanted to slap himself. He's practiced that statement ever since he decided to go to the library. Why did he have to fuck it up when the time came for him to say it?

"Let me see if we have it in," the woman said kindly but Jungkook couldn't help but feel as though he was being mocked in some way.

He silently stood in front of the desk as she typed on her computer. Jungkook stiffly drummed his gloved fingers against his thighs as the paranoia and anxiety settled over him again.

He glanced around the lobby. An elderly woman was sitting in the front room reading a newspaper and further behind where another sitting area was barely noticeable, a young boy and a young girl sat on the floor reading what Jungkook made out as comics or mangas. He went to look at the window that displayed the street he just left, but the woman made a sound that brought his attention back to her.

"Yes, we have a copy in right now, is that all?" She asked.

"Y-Yes, that's all..."

"Cool beans, you can find the book on shelf three under the Nonfiction genre. If you look up, you will see the genres hanging above the respective shelves."

'Cool beans' Jungkook barely smiled at that. 'Cool beans'

---

"When I think about my upbringing, I can easily describe it as a chaotic peacefulness. Like the calm before a storm.

My childhood was heavenly. My parents had stereotypical roles in my upbringing: my mother stayed home and read to me, cooked for me, bathed me, kissed the cuts on my knees after a rough time on my bike while my father left for work. My father would be gone for hours to months and when I asked my mother 'mommy, where's daddy?' She would answer 'just at work, sweetie'
There was never a time when I questioned my father on what he did. He was an authoritarian man but never once did he belittle me or disrespect me the way parents always disrespect their children.
In my childish eyes, my father went off to do manly and fatherly things. He wore business suits like Superman. And in the eyes of tiny, five-year-old me, my dad was, in fact, Superman."
- NJ KIM

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Word Count: 1278

Thoughts?

Namjoon's past next chapter!

July 1st edit: so this chapter was written in like Dec 2020-Jan 2021 idk and I had this one labeled at Chapter Nine. I finished writing Chapter Eighteen (ugh please you guys are gonna like this one, it gets really juicy 10+) and I came to publish Chapter Eight. HOWEVER, Chapter Eight wasn't touched since December and so when I tapped on it, I WAS MORTIFIED WHEN I FOUND THAT IT WAS NOT COMPLETED AT ALL with only 756 words 💀💀💀🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ I had a mini heart attack because I always complete my chapters. That was until I realized...Chapter Nine (this chapter) is actually Chapter Eight. I was so confused but decided to add the part of the old chapter 8 to chapter 10 and now things are back in order.