[OLD] One Helluva Boss! (A Blitzø x reader fanfiction/Oneshots, Scenarios, etc)

Loo Loo Land

It opens to a shot of the exterior of Stolas's mansion at night, before cutting to the master bedroom where Stolas and Stella are asleep. Octavia's frightened voice can be heard. "Mummy! Daddy!" Octavia screamed. Stolas is roused from his sleep. "Via's calling us, Stella." "You get up." Stella said sleepily. Stolas sighs and gets out of bed, and enters Octavia's room, where she is hiding beneath her blankets. "Dear? What troubles you, my owlet?" Stolas said as he opened the door. "Daddy! Daddy! I had a dream! A really bad dream!" Stolas yawned. "A nightmare." I was looking all over the palace, and... I couldn't find you anywhere! You weren't there!" Stolas summons his Grimoire to him telekinetically, and flips it open. "There there, Via, it's okay; you're okay. When you're scared and you don't know where I am, you must remember: no matter what happens to me, I will never be far away from my special little Starfire."

♫ It always seems more quiet in the dark ♫

♫ It always feels so stark ♫

♫ How silence grows under the moon♫

♫ Constellations gone so soon ♫

♫ I used to think that I was bold ♫

♫ I used to think love would be fun ♫

♫ Now all my stories have been told except for one... ♫

♫ As the stars start to align ♫

♫ I hope you take it as a sign ♫

♫ That you'll be okay. Everything will be okay ♫

♫ And if the Seven Rings collapse ♫

♫ Although the day could be my last ♫

♫ You will be okay. When I'm gone you'll be okay... ♫

♫ And when Creation goes to die ♫

♫ You can find me in the sky ♫

♫ Upon the last day ♫

♫ And you will be okay... ♫

As his lullaby finished, Stolas left as his daughter settles to sleep. Cut to several years later, where she is jolted awake by smashing objects and screaming, far less content. "I can't believe you slept with an imp, IN OUR FUCKING BED!" Stella shouted at her husband. "It was unexpected! I didn't have time to go to a motel!" Stolas tried to defend himself. "A motel?! Like a fucking plebian?!" Octavia grabs her phone, and puts in earbuds, starting a pop song as she strides down the halls of the estate, stepping over the smashed remains of a plant thrown in her path.

In the kitchen, Stella continues to scream at Stolas.
"You want to fuck this one, too?!"
Stella grabs an imp servant and violently tosses him in Stolas's direction. "No! Of course not!" "You are a God damn embarrassment! I'm not spending another moment looking at your pathetic, imp-sucking face!" Stella storms out of the room, shouting angrily the entire time, and smashing more potted plants. Stolas sighs in exhausted exasperation before he notices his daughter has entered the kitchen. "Good mooorning, Octavia! Did you sleep well, my owlet?" Octavia puts down the cup of coffee she was drinking. "Was that a serious question?" Stolas opens the refrigerator to retrieve a massive chunk of zebra meat "Mm-hmm... What's that you're listening to?" Stolas turns away and grabs the meat. "This song is called 'My World is Burning Down Around Me.' It's by Fuck You Dad. It's a band."
Stolas bemusedly trys to go along. "Oh! How charming..." Stolas feeds the zebra meat to a massive potted plant situated in a small alcove off the kitchen as he pets it. It then falls dormant, closing its three eyes. "So, you two done screaming for the day?" Stolas didn't know how to respond. "Um..." Stella lets out another scream of anger and an object is heard shattering in the distance. "You know what I haven't done in long, long time? I haven't taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell! Why don't we go to Loo Loo Land?" Octavia wasn't excited nor amused. I'm not five anymore..." Stolas tried to convince his daughter it would be fun. "You always were so happy when I took you to Loo Loo Land! What do you say we go there again, have a day, just the two of us!" The owl stated as he motioned slightly towards a family portrait. "I'd rather kill myself."
Stolas made a 'eh, good enough for me' tone. "There we go! Anything but staying in this house. Now, I'll arrange our security." Stolas picks up a phone carried on a platter by his now bruised and battered servant. "Security for a theme park?" Octavia asked with slight confusion. "We are rich, and we're hot. People want our money and our bodies..." Octavia mumbles underneath her breath. "Our money, maybe." "Speak for yourself, Princess. Now, I'm calling the only man who can **** me!"
Octavia dropped the cereal she had with disgust. "What...?" Stolas tried to make up a way to cover it up. "Who can protect me! Us! Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know." Octavia groans and pulls her hat down over her eyes." Cut to I.M.P Headquarters, where Blitzo is busy doing 'important' work in his office, involving crude representations of Millie, Moxxie, and Y/n made out of office supplies that he puppets around and speaks with. Blitzø, who is impersonating Millie, "Oh, Blitzø, you're such a good boss!" Then he starts to impersonate Y/n. "Yeah! You're the hottest thing here in hell! You're the best boyfriend ever!" Then he impersonates Moxxie. "Yeah, I really want you, sir!" He starts to impersonate Millie again. "Me too!" And then Y/n again. "Me three!" Then eventually he goes back to his normal voice. "Let's four-way!" Blitzo lowers his 'employees' and 'girlfriend' below his desk to his crotch level and starts to moan, before being interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. Blitzø angrily responded while he sipped his coffee. "What?!" Stolas replied lustfully into the phone. "Why hello, my big-dicked Blitzy." Both Blitzø and Octavia spit out their coffee in sheer surprise. "WHAT--" "THE" "FUCK--" "DAD?!" Stolas lifts head up to tell his daughter something. "Language! Everyone! I have a special request~" Stolas twists the telephone cord with his finger. "Aw-- look, I just had a chemical peel and Y/n and I have a date later, so you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ass!" Blitzø said, obviously trying to avoid fucking him again. "It's for my daughter." He replied. "Ah, well make sure she washes it." Blitzø put a tiny crown on his head that he had earlier. Stolas was taken aback by this. "Oh! No! No, no, no! I'm taking my daughter to Loo Loo Land and I was hoping you brave little demons would accompany us." Stolas said as he referred to Millie, Moxxie, Y/n, and Blitzø himself. "We're assassins, not bodyguards, okay? Don't invite us to shit unless someone's gonna die." Blitzø said disinterested.
"I'll pay you."
"Pay me what?"
"Money~"
"Sorry, I'm gonna need more than that."
"Fine, I'll pay for whatever you and Y/n do on your date as well as a night of you two alone."
"Done!"
Blitzo hangs up and accidently smashes his phone down on the desk hard enough to shatter it. After a brief annoyed glance at it, he produces a megaphone. "M, M, (Your/first/initial), get in here! We're goin' to Loo Loo Land!" Moxxie opens the door to respond. "Loo Loo Land?" Y/n appears upside down on the ceiling near Moxxie. "Ugh, Loo Loo Land?" Millie excitedly smashes straight through the office door's glass, causing Y/n to be startled and fall."Loo Loo Land?!" Blitzø reconfirms. "Loo Loo Land!"
Loona is then heard from another room. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Then the scene cuts to Loo-Loo Land. A van with an I.M.P decal spray painted on the side pulls into the rather empty parking lot. Moxxie exits the van and opens the side door. A very cramped Stolas extracts himself excitedly. His daughter exits the van far less excitedly, along with Y/n. Y/n puts an arm around her in comfort. "Don't worry, Octavia. At least we're suffering together." Octavia gives a weak smile at her mother figure. Stolas dons an apple-themed hat and gestures toward the park gate. Octavia groans and pulls her hat low over her face. "Now remember: this is work and work only! Me and my crew, especially me and Y/n, are not here to satisfy your perverted bird needs, alright?! Especially me and my girlfriend, got it?!" Octavia, bored and unexcited tries to talk to her father. "Hey, dad, do we have to--" Y/n goes in front of Octavia for protectionof Blitø with both her hands out. "Okay yeah, hold on right there sweetie." Blitzø then turns to Stolas. "If you try fuckin' my little ass in that park, I swear to--"
Stolas leans in. "You are so cute when you are serious!" He flirted as Blitzø stared back at him uncomfortablely. "We're literally going to be sick." Octavia and Y/n say in a monotone voice. "Oh crumbs! I knew today would be a lot! What do you need?" Moxie fishes around in a fanny pack and retrieves several pill bottles as he lists off his inventory.
"Antacids? Ibuprofen? Morphine?
Moxxie shows Octavia and Y/n several hypodermic needles of a glowing,
acid green substance. "That was figurative, old man." Octavia walks off on her while Y/n stayed back to ask him something. "By the way, who the hell keeps all that shit in their fanny pack?" Y/n walks off to catch up with Octavia. "Oh, right." Moxxie chuckles sheepishly as he discards the needles into a nearby baby carriage, where a baby imp happily reaches out to play with its dangerous new 'toys'. "But they said it was literal..." Millie excitedly pulls off her shades. "Wooooow! I haven't been to this place since I was a tot!" A large letter falls off the sign of a nearby ride, crushing the teenaged imp underneath. "It hasn't changed a bit! Oh! LOOK! It's Big Woobly!" Millie gestures toward a hideously malformed animatronic dinosaur, which opens its mouth and lets out a terrifying, demonic shriek. "That is... deeply upsetting." Millie and Moxxie look at each other. "Oh come on! It's fun! You've never been here?" Moxxie looks down. "No. Theme parks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots..." The park's mascot, which is a rotton apple, appears out of nowhere behind Moxxie. "Well hey there!" "AAAH!" Moxxie screams in horror. "I'm Loo Loo! Welcome to Loo Loo Land! If y'all get hurt here, just try and sue us!" Loo Loo motioned towards the sky while holding out his arms. "Look! Via! It's Loo Loo!" Y/n rolled her eyes. "Ugh, fucking Loo Loo..." Moxxie looked at Y/n. "You two have bad blood or something?" Y/n crossed her arms. "Rotton apple here tried to rape me in the past..." Octavia smirked as she thought of an idea. "I have a question." Loo Loo turned around to face Octavia. "Well ask away, little girlie! A-hyuk a-hyuk a-hyuk!" Loo Loo laughs stupidly. "Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Y/n's father's far more popular Lu Lu World?" Y/n smirked, with her sharp teeth showing. "No..?" Loo Loo said and came up with a terrible excuse for it. "This place reeks of insecure corporate shame..." Stolas chuckles in slight embarrassment, as he leads Octavia away and Y/n following close by. "Why don't we go check out the rides?" Loo Loo points with his finger and motions toward Y/n and Octavia. "Those chicks' are creepy, huh?" Blitzø goes over to his girlfriend. "Ah, wait till one of their dads tries to diddle your holes. And for your information, one of the 'creepy chicks' is my bedroom partner." "What's that mean?" He asks Moxxie and Millie.
"Don't talk to me! I know you're a pervert under there!" Moxxie leaves, leading Millie off with him. Loo Loo hangs his body dejectedly. "Yeah..."
Moxxie and Millie head down a pathway, and Moxxie, sweating profusely, stops to catch his composure. "You really like this place, huh?" Moxxie asked his wife. "I love this place! My parents would bring me and the siblings here, when they could swing it. Money-wise." Moxxie looks over to see a worker wheeling a wheelbarrow piled to the brim with money into a nearby giftshop. The two approach the window, where novelty cups and stuffed apples are for sale. The cups appear to cost at least 29 souls per. "Yeah, the prices do seem rather criminal. I mean, that much for a novelty cup you use one time?" He points at novelty cup behind a glass window. "'Cause it's Loo Loo Land!" Blitzø walk up, having loaded up on merch, including a novelty cup, as well as a hat with attached can holders and straws, while Y/n is standing there with her arms crossed, not wearing any merch. "Listen to your hoe, Mox." Blitzø says as he pushes his cup towards his face. Y/n sighs and pinches her nose. "How 'bout we take the first watch while you two have a little fun?" Millie squealed in excitement. "Oh! We gotta do my favorite ride!" Moxxie questioned. "Oh yeah? Whi- which one?" Then it cuts to a shot of a lone imp riding a roller coaster named 'The Lawsuit' that suddenly plunges off a sheer 90-degree drop at incredible speed, while on fire, with its rider hanging on for dear life. The coaster plunges into a tunnel in the ground. "Oh crumbs!" After the ride, Moxxie is then seen vomiting into a trash can after having left the ride. A vomit-covered family walks by in the background, glaring disapprovingly at Moxxie. A massive dragon-like creature from the nearby petting zoo looms overhead, also glaring at Moxxie. In another part of the park, Stolas and Octavio walk along the path, as Blitzø and Y/n takes up positions all around them with his rifle, on the lookout for any danger. Y/n puts her rifle down. "I personally don't see why you agreed to this." Blitzø also put down his rifle. "I'm sorry my little cupcake, I...I should've just told you first, but could I return the favor later on?" Y/n looked over at her lover. "How long is 'later on'?" Blitzø replied. "At midnight or night all together." Y/n kisses Blitzø on the cheek. "Ok fine, but if I don't, you might have to face some severe consequences." Blitzø had pink dust on his cheeks, knowing exactly what she meant. Suddenly, a group of imps creep up behind the booths, ropes, knives, and pitchforks at the ready. They quickly scatter as Blitzø and Y/n look in their direction. "You know, it's quite thrilling to see you on the job, Blitzy~" Y/n gagged to herself. "Save it, bitch. We're working!" Octavia and Y/n look at them with complete disgust. "You both need to get a room." Blitzø, who seemed offended, tried to defend himself. "Hey, I am not a day-hooker!" A woman walking nearby with her baby glares at Blitzø before continuing on in a huff. "What? I just said I'm not one, prude!" Blitzø states as he flips her off. "Look, Via! You used to cry such tears of joy at this show!" Octavia remembered her horrid memories at the show. "Oh no..." Then a flashback of Octavia as a young girl, as she is crushed against the stage by an excited crowd of imp children, as Robo Fizz sparks and cackles maniacally leering over Octavia, who soon breaks into tears. A younger Blitzø is seen in the background tending to a food cart, dressed and painted as a clown, scowling. Then it cuts back to the present. Blitzø and Octavia state in unison. "I hate that fucking clown..."
Then it shows Stolas, who had been captured and hoisted aloft by the crew of imps from earlier. Stolas's arms are bound and his head is covered by a cloth sack, and the imps are pointing various weapons at him. One has stolen Stolas's wallet. "Oh Blitzy! I need my bodyguard, please!"
One imp jumps, to try and skewer Stolas with a pitchfork. Blitzø and Y/n quickly bring their rifles to bear, shooting the imp in the torso, splattering Stolas's head with blood. The other imps quickly scatter. Octavia enters the big top and finds a seat. Blitzø and Y/n carry Stolas in, head still covered in the blood-soaked sack, set him down, and walk off to take position. Stolas makes no move to remove the sack, until Octavia annoyedly rips it off her father's head.
"Hey hey hey hey hey, implings! It's me, the Robotic Fizzarolli! Shipped from Big Ozzie's factory to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Loo Loo Land, spelled with 'O's, to avoid lawsuits! Hit it!"