[OLD] One Helluva Boss! (A Blitzø x reader fanfiction/Oneshots, Scenarios, etc)

C.H.E.R.U.B.

(All Y/n Magne art is made by ShlaneUzamaki1776. Go check their other artwork out >:( they make good art. Thank you! :))

The scene starts with Heaven's gates opening on an adorable angel, who greets the audience. "Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did something good to get here! And good people deserve to give loved ones special presence!"

♫ Does it make you want to cry? ♫

♫ When your loved one has to die?♫

♫ Does it hurt you through and through?♫

♫ When your face is turning blue...? ♫

♫ Well luckily for you!♫

♫ There's something we can do!♫

♫ We can help keep them alive!♫

♫ So you can watch them thrive! ♫

♫ Cause here at C-H-E-R-U-B ♫

♫ We'll save your honey bun from dying violently! ♫

♫ Cause here at C-H-E-R-U-B ♫

♫ No, we never even ask a fee ♫

♫ Because good people spread the love! ♫

♫ And we're here for all above! ♫

♫ We'll do the paper work for you ♫

♫ And the heavy lifting too ♫

♫ So sit right back and let us bless a soooooul for you!♫

♫ Oh we!♫

♫Are the C-H-E-R-U-B-- ♫

The T.V. comes to a stop after it gets shot by Blitzø. Next to him was his faithful girlfriend, Y/n and one of his employees, Millie. "Nice one, B!" Millie said as she smiled with Y/n, in a disturbed and pissed off motive that he destroyed another T.V. that month and she was watching it. "Give me another, Mox." Moxxie proceeds to get another T.V., places it on the table, then switches it on. He turns it on to the 666 News Station, which made Y/n furious. "Eh, not feeling it. Besides, it's better we don't want to make Y/n angry. Next!" Moxxie has a scared facial expression and switches the channel once again, hazardous. The new channel shows an explicit Betty Boop cartoon. "Uh huh. Keep going, keep going." He tells Moxxie, gesturing with his gun in hand. The channel switches to an imp male on the screen, advertising for something. "I say, I say! Are you looking to work toward get crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets? Well, call me! At 'Wacky Wally Wackfords Wacky Idea "Factory"'! Where you make the things and I make the money! Please! I'm very desperate!" The spokesman spoke the audience about his terrible idea while Blitzø thought it was the perfect channel to shoot at. "Bingo!" He shoots, which causes it to explode. "Woo! You're on a roll, sir!" Millie states enthusiastically while Y/n pinches the bridge of her nose. "And there goes the 1 year warrant..." Y/n was pretty tired that day. After the whole fiasco of Verosika's bet, she wish she could go sound asleep just like how Loona was at the moment. "Oh, relax honey bun! You're way too tense today. You need to settle a bit." Blitzø said in reassurance and gave her a light peck on the cheek. "Thanks babe, I do need to calm down." Then suddenly, a loud rumble came through the building and knocked over Loona's drink. "Guys...do you feel that?" Loona said, waking up from her nap as Blitzø responded. "Oh shit. Is that a hell-shake?" "That's possible?" Moxxie replied, more confused then concerned though. "ALL RIGHT! DON'T PANIC MOXXIE!" Millie brought him up to her face. "I'm not 'panicking' because hell quakes don't happen." Moxxie, still a little confused said. "STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY!" Loona shouted at him, shook him, then hit him against the wall, which then causes someone to leap through the now broken wall. "Do not be afraid..." A mysterious man told the I.M.P. crew while Millie and Loona stand in defense. "Please tell me you got that insurance thing?" The imp boss told this random stranger who just crashed into their wall. "Who are you and what do you want?!" Millie pulled out an ax, which had a pentagram on it. The strange man replied. "I am Loopty Goopty! Dastardly invented of all things loopy and loopish!" Loona placed a hand on her hip. "Could've just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing." She looks back at her phone. "I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit!" He says as he wobbles around a bit. Blitzø smells Loopty for a second. "Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world! Did you just die?" Loopty expresses out his response. "Yeeeeees! Moments ago in fact! Which is what brought me here!" "Just sayin', the front door would've gotten you here fine." Loona looks at her phone without making eye contact with Loopty while he puts his finger in her face, making her growl. "Shut up, dear furry! This is the man I'm gonna need you to kill!" He pulls out a picture of an old man, resting in a bed. "Wow. That is the saddest picture if I've ever seen one." Y/n grabs the picture as her and her boyfriend inspect it. "Not even shits length time in hell and already plot revenge. I can respect a man with that sort if passion! I'm Blitzø the 'O' is silent and this is my girlfriend, Y/n." Blitzø shakes hands with him as he also introduces his new client to his girlfriend while she waves. "What O?" Loopty simply asks. "Aw, thank you. Now what's the tea, sis?" Blitzø tells Loopty as Y/n giggles a fair bit. "The tea?!" Moxxie fishes his hand out for help underneath the crumbles his in. "You guys! Help!" "Yeah, I mean, why are we killing this guy? What did he do to you?" Blitzø completely ignores Moxxie. Moxxie's arm inches back and he squeals in pain. "Losing ox-!"