Blue Ribbon

Chapter 30 - It was only the beginning (Part Two)

"Don't forget: somewhere between hello and goodbye, there was love, so much love."

Ten days later...

Lilly's POV

"My wild heart longs for you; Every part of me is crying out and begging for your return. Your leaving me alone is like some reflex of my bad karma, I had committed years ago. Now that you have left, it's like I am dying a hundred deaths each moment." I read the lines written over the piece of paper out loud, and my heart clenched so tight in my chest.

My gaze drifted up for one mere second and I looked into the crowd of people, all seated down in their assigned places, all of their eyes on me.

I am not the type to have a stage-fright or to get uncomfortable under people's gazes but today, at this moment, I wished to just run away.

Physically, I am in pain. Mentally, I am exhausted.

This play is not doing me any good either. It reminds me of him, in every way there is. We practiced these lines together once. We stood over this same stage and read them out loud.

"My eyes go numb when reminded of you. It hurts, It really hurts. What has happened to me; I don't understand. Has something broken inside me? Probably." I continue and remember how Mrs. Garcia told me that I am supposed to pour all of my emotions into reading this letter, she asked me to even shed a few tears if I can, "I can't live anymore without you, Why? I loved you, perhaps?"

And at that moment, at the sentence, the first tear slips past my eyes and falls down into the paper. No, I am not a good actor, I am crying because I am a terrible one. Pretending to be okay for the past ten days has finally taken its toll on me; I am tired, my heart is so tired from beating this much fast, from breaking down every second of the day, and my brain is exhausted from thinking and thinking and just thinking.

"Is that even a question? Of course, I am in love with everything you are. Oh, but how much do I regret that I couldn't confess it to you." More tears fall, each one of them taunting me, mocking me, "My heart has shouted your name the whole night, it refuses the separation and I have asked for you in my every prayer."

The irony of this play always made Chase laugh. His laugh...how much do I miss the sound of it.

"Without you, I am impossible," I added, my blurry vision made it hard to see as I went through the last line, "How much does love hurt? I think it couldn't be more, but it only gets worse with every passing minute. Will you forgive me? Will I forgive you? That's something only time can decide."

I place the paper away, just as the script said, my head dropping down, the tears I am supposed to fake hit me with a bang. For a moment, I forget that I am sitting under the spotlight, in the middle of the stage, in a room filled with more than a hundred people, watching me and expecting me to finish this last scene.

I press my eyes shut and I forget. Everything and everyone.

The pain pressing over my chest for the past ten days only intensifies, multiplies, and I feel the need to scream, to cry out loud. Maybe, maybe by that, the pain would go away.

This is the second time I am getting my heart broken, and by the same guy, but this time through no fault of his own. This time I blame the world. I blame the circumstances. I blame the time, because it could've had a better timing for us, but it didn't.

Tomorrow, he will be leaving.

I was informed about this a couple of days ago. Mom and dad were talking about it and I eavesdropped. I was probably the last one to know.