Tila nawalan ako ng kakayahan upang makarinig dahil sa isang simpleng pangungusap lamang. Ilang beses kong prinoseso sa aking isipan ang mga katagang binitawan ni Parker, ngunit kahit isa ro’n ay walang matanggap ang aking sistema.
Dahan-dahan na namuo ang mga luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata. At habang nakatingin ako sa mga malamlam n’yang mga mata ay pinipigalan ko ang pagtulo ng mga ito.
“T—tell me... T—tell me that you’re l—lying...” It was then when the tears began to stream down. I wanted him to tell that he was just lying, but his downcasted eyes say otherwise, “I—I’m begging you...”
Parker clenched his fist and avoided my eyes. I wanted his sweet, comforting words now. If ever he would tell me that he was just kidding, I will forgive him. I will...
At the corner of my eyes, I saw Cara walking in my direction. And before she could even go to me, my weakened knees fell.
Para akong isang bata na umiiyak, na kahit ilang beses kong punasan ang mga luha sa mga mata ko ay bumabalik pa rin agad ito. Tangina, ang hina mo, Amira. Niyakap ko ang aking sarili habang palakas nang palakas ang pag-iyak ko, wala na rin akong pakielam kung marinig pa ako ng mga Bozos.
Anong silbi ng paglaban ko sa aking buhay kung wala na akong inang uuwian?
I felt someone brushing my hair with care, “Amira...” My tears streamed more after hearing Cara’s voice. She knows how much I love my mother. Even though I doubted her back then, I love her more than my life.
“I— Ca—cara, ma—mama is... Mama is...” I feel so at fault. If I just didn’t run away in the past, my mother wouldn’t have met that tragedy. It was all my fault. “I—I should have been on... On her pla—”
“So, you’re telling me that picking you was a mistake?” It was harsh. Cara’s tone screams disappointment. I slowly lifted my head and smiled at her.
“You should pick my brother... At least the two of you wou—”
“CARA!”
My body feels numb, but that fucking slap hurts like hell. Cara was glaring at me as if I said something out of the line, and it was Chi who grabbed and stopped her from hurting me. And knowing them for years, their eyes were filled with disappointment and frustration as they look at me.
But they are not the only one who’s disappointed in me. I am too.
Ilang beses akong suminghap ng hangin hanggang sa napagdesisyonan kong tumayo. Mas naging klaro sa ‘kin ang mga ekspresyon sa mga mukha nila na tila ba sinasabi nila na naiintindihan nila ako. Mapait akong napangisi kasabay nito ang paglakad ko patungo sa pader kung nasaan ang katana ko.
Walang kahit isang nagsalita sa kanila nang lumabas ako sa RV.
Putangina, paano ba nila ako maiintindihan? Paano nila maiintindihan ang sakit na malaman na isang Bozos ang nanay mo? Na maaaring makalaban namin siya, na maaaring s’ya ang makapatay sa akin, o mas masakit ako ang makakapatay sa kanya, paano ba nilang maiintindihan ‘yon?
Lahat ng galit at sakit sa kalooban ko ay binuhos ko sa nakaharang na katawan ng clown. Pakiramdam ko’y ubos na ang lahat ng luha ko kaya’t ito na lamang ang naiisip kong paraan upang maibsan ang galit ko.
I did everything to chop its legs, and somehow, it eases my pain. I felt calmer and relax. This way, I can avoid spouting words they wouldn’t like, and at the same time, I will be able to remove my frustration.
And when the exhaustion hit me, my knees once again fell to the ground. The cerulean hues of the sky welcomed me, and another surge of tears rushed down to my cheeks. And the reality that I’ve been running away since earlier began to enter my system.
I cried silently as the memories of the past, together with my mother, together with my family, began to flash in my mind.
On how my fucking brother will tease me by sticking photographs of fucking clowns in my room, and afterward will be scolded by our mother.
My mom always cooks chicken adobo whenever I gain achievements, and it was her way of congratulating me.
My father and Alex resembles a lot, so they always match their outfits as if they are twins.
As I realized how perfect our family is. All the stories hidden within my family feel so surreal. Like what Parker and others have been telling were all fabricated as if they want to taint the beautiful image of our family.
I gently closed my eyes. What is the use of lying in the middle of an apocalypse? And as I tie all the facts they just told me, I am slowly beginning to question myself if the other side of the border was actually safe or not.
My eyes feel at ease, and it was slowly caressing all my exhaustion as it was inviting me to enter the world of fantasies, where everything I imagine can be perfect.
I felt someone lifting me as I slowly lost my consciousness.
Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang mga mata ko, napansin kong may isang unan ang nakaharang sa gitna namin ni Parker dahilan upang medyo sumikip ang higaan namin. Saglit kong pinakiramdaman ang tahimik na paligid bago tinanggal ang unan sa gitna saka umupo.
Saglit kong pinagmasdan ang mukha ni Parker saka ko napansin na nasa gilid n’ya ang cellphone ko. Nang buksan ko iyon ay agad kong inilawan ang paligid upang makapunta sa kusina, dahan-dahan akong umalis sa higaan para makainom dahil sa uhaw.
Madilim na ngunit kumakalam ang t’yan ko. Mahimbing na rin silang natutulog at sigurado akong nakakakin na rin sila bukod sa akin.
At habang naghahanap ako ng makakain, napansin ko ang isang pigura sa may labas ng RV. Nakatalikod ito sa ‘kin at nakaharap sa clown, ang parte kung saan binuhos ko ang galit ko.
I felt a shiver down to my spine as I slowly walk in front, just to reach the window and to be able to see it clearly. All of a sudden, my stomach stopped demanding. The silhouette tore the skin of the clown, and it started to taste it.
It was not a peculiar sight anymore, but I do not know why I felt terrified by watching it.
And as the silhouette slowly turned her head, I immediately crawled to my bed. I was so fucking scared, and I don’t know why.
Hindi ko na binalik pa ang nakaharang na unan sa amin ni Parker at dahil sa takot, ang pagtatampo ko kay Parker ay umurong. Niyakap ko ang walanghiya at tinalukbong ang kumot hanggang sa aking labi.
Pilit kong pinikit ang aking mga mata at nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng RV ay tila binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig. Dahan-dahan ang ingay nang paglalakad hanggang sa tumigil ito sa harap, ginagawa ko ang lahat upang maging natural lamang ang pagpikit ko sa aking mga mata.
Ngunit ramdam na ramdam ko ang paghinga at pagtitig nito sa aking mukha. At tiyak akong ilang pulgada lamang ang layo nito sa akin.
Natatakot ako na oras na buksan ko ang aking mga mata, isang nakakatakot na mukha ang bubungad sa akin. Mas lalo lamang humigpit ang yakap ko kay Parker dahilan upang umungot siya.
“Hmm!”
It was when the face slowly moves away from my facade. And that person slowly walked away, and even though I wanted to know who it is... I can’t. I don’t have the courage to open my eyes.
The RV has biometrics security, and the only registered in it were the people in this group.
And because of that...
One thing is for sure, among this circle, someone is infected.
#
BINABASA MO ANG
OUTCAST (PUBLISHED)
Science FictionPUBLISHED UNDER IMMAC PPH After an unexpected apocalypse, Amira and her friends found themselves trapped inside the border of Luzon, in which the virus was spreading rapidly. And in order to keep living, they needed to reach the capital of Luzon, an...
