What You Caused

60.

TW: this chapter talks more in depth about Bella's ED so please skip this chapter if you feel like it will trigger you <33

Chapter 60 | The Reveal (finally)

Isabella:

It is agonisingly silent.

Thick tension blooms in the air, crackling all around us, wrapping around me so tightly it's almost making it hard to breathe.

I watch Lucas as he drives. Taking notice of his hands that are gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turn white, searching his face that is as impassive as ever and trying to figure out what he is thinking as of now. However, nothing in his features gives away his thoughts - his expression remains blank, neutral and void of any emotion.

I swallow and draw my gaze away, dropping my head against the window and peering outside of the glass instead. I give up trying to read him, I'll find out what he is thinking soon enough anyways.

The town, as we drive past, is nothing but a blur of colours. As it is nearing sun down, covering the streets is a blanket of golden-orange, remnants of old snow litter the sides of the roads and the trees and the tops of cars that drive alongside us. The sky is a hue of blues, pinks, purples and oranges. It is beautiful but I can't focus on the beauty of it. Not with the way my head is pounding with a hundred and one thoughts, not with the way my stomach is twisting and turning and not with the way my heart feels heavy with dread for what is about to come next.

My leg bounces up and down anxiously at the thought, rattling the box resting on my thighs alongside it. Looking down at the contents only makes my stomach lurch once again.

Remember that you wanted this. You wanted to tell him, how you wanted to get everything out in the open and off of your chest. You owe this to yourself, it is the next step in your recovery.

I shut my eyes and try to collect myself, repeating this in my head like a mantra. It is true, this was my decision. I chose to make the decision to tell Lucas everything.

After my breakdown, I had come to the conclusion that I needed to get everything off my shoulders and come clean to Lucas and explain my story to him. He was surprisingly adamant that I shouldn't - not right now always but I wouldn't back down.

With Maria having gone and exposed me, my mind was all over the place. I knew my brain wouldn't rest knowing that Lucas knew but didn't know everything. The dread that had also settled in my heart once realising that I was going to have to tell him the full story soon enough anyways was too much. I wanted it over and done with. I knew I wouldn't get any sort of peace until he knew and I urgently needed to calm the storm that was raging inside of my head.

On seeing my absolute desperation, Lucas had reluctantly agreed and had even suggested that he we talk at his little spot on the outskirts of town and that's where we were headed now.

As for Maria, my family had sent her and her mom packing. Abuela had chased the two of them out of the house with a broom but not before my dad had given his sister a verbal ass kicking and my mom had threatened to beat them to death with their own louboutins if they ever showed face in our town again.

And before my family had a chance to turn all of their attentions onto me, I had grabbed Lucas, the box of diaries from my room and had snuck out the house before they could notice or even protest. I was not in the mood to get coddled.

Soon enough, we begin to near our destination. The roads start to become more deserted as we begin to leave the busy town behind and drive into the outskirts. It baffles me how we had only been here a mere three weeks ago when the distance from now and the night Lucas and I had come to skate feels like centuries away. So much had happened since then.