What You Caused

74.

Chapter 74 | Moods

Somehow Isabella being in a bad mood, directly correlated with me being in a bad mood.

Since she had stepped into my car, it had been obvious that Isabella wasn't having the best of days and instantly I had felt my mood dimming slightly as a result.

I hated seeing her upset, it made me upset.

I would never let it show through however, Lord knows there would be nothing more that she hated than seeing how her being down in the dumps caused someone else to be down in the dumps too.

All throughout our shopping trip, I had been thinking of ways to discreetly cheer her up. To be honest however, I've not been doing a particularly good job. The most I had managed, was to elicit the teensiest smile from Isabella when I had begun to ramble about my fucking shoes and I bet that's only because she had been catching on to the fact that I always ramble about random things and ask her random questions to help her get distracted so she can eat.

I knew a note would most definitely cheer her up but the issue was...I was having a little bit of writers block. Don't get me wrong, there were about an infinite amount of things I could say about Isabella, ranging from her appearance to her soul, but right now everytime I even attempted to put pen to paper, all I would end up spitting out and writing would be 'I love you' and I definitely could not give a note to her that said that.

Yesterday, exposing my feelings for her had been a mistake. It had been impulsive and rash (like all my choices that day) and I'm grateful that I hadn't managed to freak her out.

She hadn't even properly responded to my confession or brought it up today, but that makes sense seeing as she had other things preoccupying her mind. However, it had lead me to believe that she may have interpreted whatever I had said wrongly which is fine by me because I'd rather she think I was being possessive over her and meant I 'liked her' in a super 'best friend' way or something rather than her realise what I really meant and freak out and go all awkward on me.

I should've thought before I had said anything because if I had given it a little bit of thought, I would have realised that clearly, there was very little way Isabella could reciprocate feelings for me. She was just about on the threshold of forgiving me so there was no way she was falling for me yet...or ever for that matter now that I think of it.

I wonder if her view on me would always be tainted by 'the guy who bullied her'. I wouldn't blame her if it was, the things I had said and done lead to a whole full fledged eating disorder and there was only so much making up I could do.

Will there always be a little bit of hatred towards me in her?

Man, just thinking about that made me feel like my heart was being severed into two. Fuck did it hurt; the prospect of realising that Isabella may not ever reciprocate my feelings.

"Hey you alright?" Isabella asks me, snapping me out of my daze, falling into step beside me as we walk out of the food court. "You're frowning."

I quickly plaster on a smile. "Yeah, I'm good," I reply but Bella still continues to eye me with suspicion. I turn the conversation back on her to deter her from curiously glancing at me. "How about you?"

This manages to shift her attention and her face almost lights up slightly. "I'm good too, feeling a little better than before," she smiles, a little more warmly this time. "I'm...I'm proud of myself for managing to eat least 4 sushi rolls."

My heart grows and my smile becomes genuine. "I'm proud of you too."

Isabella looks up to me with hopeful eyes. "Really?"