Coder Girl /Dreamwastaken/

՞՞102՞՞

I turned off my phone and kept it like that for the rest of the night. I didn't even get a second of sleep tho. And I didn't keep myself busy with anything. I just sat there in the darkness completely broken, trying to stop the pouring tears and finding it absolutely ridiculous how he succeeded to make me cry once again. I almost never cry, and when I do, at least I have self control to stop when it gets too much. Not this time tho.

Has he always been this toxic? But I was so happy with him..?

Wasn't he happy with me? Was I toxic to him? The amount of times he said I fucked him over but I ignored his words..

I hurt him. But he hurt me more.

He has issues, he's manipulative, he's toxic, he's jealous and possessive.

And what am I? I'm egotistical. My issues are stronger than his.

He respected mine, while I told him that he needs help.

He was so good to me. So fucking perfect. Everything I could've asked for. Yet what did he do? Ruin it all in one night. Shatter everything. He broke me. We're bad for each other. We're so bad for each other.

Why did he say he loves me?

Does he love me? He just said it to break me more, right? He doesn't love me.

Wait.

What is wrong with me? Why am I blaming myself?

No really, what's wrong with me? He fucking manipulated me, that's all. He made me blame myself and succeeded.

Not anymore. I'm not that weak.

Over. It's over.

I didn't even notice how the morning came. I was so scared to turn on my phone, I already knew what was about to come. But keeping it off would be too egoistical-

God, I hate that word.

I had 9 missed calls from my friend. The one that waited for me to show up, but I never did. I texted her that I'm okay and muted the notifications for the chat.

I had 3 from my mom, and also a lot of texts from her too, asking if my phone died again. I texted a simple "yes, sorry" to her and muted the notification for that too.

The rest of the notifications were a mess.

I had 18 missed calls from Nick, 20 from George and.. and 43 from Clay. And all of those were fresh from the past 2 hours.

There were too many texts, there's no point even looking at the numbers. There were obnoxiously many.

One by one. I'll read them all and be strong. I promise.

Georgenotfound sorry was in a call

Georgenotfound not you getting salty and leaving🙄

Georgenotfound I CAN SEE YOU'RE ONLINE WHY WOULD YOU IGNORE ME

Those messages were from the evening, during the time me and Clay were still texting. And then there were also messages from 8 a.m., which was two hours ago.

Georgenotfound Lizzy pick up

Georgenotfound Clay called

Georgenotfound Lizzy please pick up

Georgenotfound I told him everything, he got it all wrong, I'm so sorry

Georgenotfound it's all my fault I'm so sorry you should've told him, the surprise wasn't even worth it I'm so sorry