Coder Girl /Dreamwastaken/

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Watching Clay trying so hard to make the salad as presentable as possible and then being so excited about how it turned out that he forced me to take pictures of his creation was so wholesome.

He was so proud of it that he actually finished his plate of vegetables which was a rare thing to see. I was extremely proud of him too, which I kept repeating cause he loved to hear it so much.

"This is like a little date we got going on here." I smiled, bringing in the desserts with 2 mugs of hot chocolate when we finished our dinner.

"I'll take you to a proper date when all of this ends." He motioned towards his head and the bandage.

"I'd love to go on a date with you." I grinned, seeing him show a wide smile.

"I'd absolutely love to date you." He added. I was so giggly during this conversation.

That moment felt so natural and right. It felt like my problems disappeared from just seeing Clay smile like that. At that moment I realized that his happiness was my main priority. Seeing him happy automatically made me happy.

"We should be happy together." I spoke and realized that I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. It was just the continuation of my thought train.

"Hm?" He was still smiling, but this time a little bit confused.

"Fuck, I meant I'm happy when you're happy," I corrected myself, "so we're happy when we're together.."

His face expression was so pure that it made my brows raise involuntarily. Have I never told him that before?

"Really?"

The way he said that made me want to give him a hug. I feel like a big part of our problems is because of the status of our relationship. We've been stuck in a weird phase for so long now because of me being scared to label our relationship. And all cause I had severe commitment issues.

But what am I if not committed? If anything, I'm extremely committed. I've never been this committed before.

"I commit you."

I slapped my hand against my mouth, realizing that I should probably shut up or learn to speak properly.

"No, I mean- ugh, fuck." I wanted to say something else - no, I was thinking about something else that I don't know how to phrase.

Clay parted his mouth, trying to say something but guess he had nothing in his mind. I should probably explain myself.

"Uhm.. I know it's probably not the time, and it's probably going to sound weird, but I wanted to say that-"

"I love you."

I didn't get the chance to finish my sentence. Clay interrupted me with something that was probably a result of something impulsive.

And the best thing about it was that I could relate.

"I, uh, I wanted to ask if you'd agree to have a proper relationship? Like, be my boyfriend? And from what you said I guess you don't mind-"

"Say it back?" His voice was small.

I knew the impulsiveness was probably from the concussion cause I could see him regretting his words immediately and trying to apologize and correct himself. But this time it was my turn to interrupt.

With a deep breath, I finally said the words that I was too scared to even say in my head.

"I love you."

I actually felt a shiver running down my limbs. It felt so right and so ecstatic directing those words to him and seeing his cheeks flush with a slight tint of pink.

Our plates of desserts and drinks were long forgotten as I climbed to him on the couch, kneeling on the soft cushion.

"Is this really happening or do I need antipsychotics now?" The worst part about his sentence was the fact that I knew he wasn't joking.

And honestly I couldn't have chosen a worse time to have this talk, but for once I felt like I was ready and I was scared that I wouldn't have the courage later. If I had extra time to think about it, I'd probably end up overthinking and doing the wrong move.

"Hmm.. do you think kissing counts as physical activity?" I got even closer to him, answering his question with a question.

"Who cares? This is a happy way to die."

And just like that he pulled me into his body, capturing my lips and letting go of a relieved sigh. There was so much feeling and emotion trapped into the kiss, that it set the uncontrollable butterflies free in my stomach. This was also one of those rare kisses we shared that had nothing sexual in it. Just us expressing our feelings.

"Say it again?" He mumbled into the kiss and somehow I knew exactly what he meant.

"I love you." I didn't hesitate a second.

"I really hope I'm not hallucinating." He spoke again, making me giggle into his lips.

I had to break the kiss though, cause my paranoia was telling me that his brain wasn't getting enough oxygen. I don't know if my thoughts matched the reality or not, but I'd rather be safe than end up in the hospital again.

Despite all of the stuff going on at that moment in our lives, I think it was safe to say that I had one of the best evenings ever. We spent the rest of it cuddling and enjoying our hot chocolates, having each other in the center of attention as he wasn't even allowed to watch TV. But I liked it this way. This was so much better than anything they showed on TV.

"Hey.. can you change my bandage?" He spoke as we were getting ready for bed.

"But the doctor changed it just today." I looked at the patch and it looked fresh.

"Yeah, but I prefer the way you do it. The doctor makes it lumpy." He pouted.

And I could see how his words made so much sense only when I changed the bandage and saw the overstuffed cotton balls that were just laid on each other. And besides, the skin around the wound had quite a bit of dried blood smeared on it, which I guessed could be annoyingly itchy.

I always took my time cleaning everything up properly and closing it up in a way that wouldn't disturb him. But today I took some extra time to make it as neat as possible and finished his little appointment with a kiss on the forehead, which made him wrap his arms around my waist and squeeze me tight onto his body with final words:

"I love you."