A/N This one's kind of heavy...
In seventh grade, we learned about Achilles. We read the story of how he became completely invincible - well, almost completely invincible. You see, his mother held him by his heel when she dipped him in the River Styx, so that one spot stayed mortal. It was what kept him human; what tied him to the earth. His heel kept him from perishing as a baby, but killed him in the end.
I like to think I had an Achilles' heel; a lifeline tethering me to humanity.
Sometimes, I would be drowning. I would unknowingly plunge head first into a deep pool of sorrows. I would let myself be immersed in the cold water, in negative emotions. I would sink, deeper and deeper, until I was sure I had hit rock bottom. But no, there were still miles more to go, and I had no way out. I would just accept what was happening, and let the currents pull me down. I would let my conscious weigh me down, let it reach the bottom like it wanted. When all hope was lost, I would feel it. That tugging sensation in my back, that glimmer of light on the surface, it was there. He would be the rope tied taut around my waist, tugging me upwards. I would ascend to the surface, finally able to breathe again.
Sometimes I would be lost, trapped in a nightmare. I would kick and scream, trying to shake my fear, but I would stay confined in my own terror. All I would see is complete darkness; all I would hear is the sound of my own pleas for help. Pain and panic would rise, taking control over my body; working me into an uncontrollable frenzy. I would thrash in my sleep, throwing about the sheets like an enraged monster. I couldn't be in control of my own actions, and that scared me even more. How could I live if I did something when I wasn't myself? When my inner demons wrecked everything around me, leaving me to clean up the debris, how would be forgiven? How is it when I was so horrible, a soothing hum would wash over me, cleansing my mind of its impurities. A faint light would appear in the corner, leading me back to sanity, taking me back to reality. I would once more be a blank slate, and each time I would awake to a pair of thin arms wrapped around me and hot breath on my neck. The sweet nothings whispered in my ears in a comforting matter had never felt so important; so far away from being nothing.
Sometimes, I would dream. I would dream of conquering the sky; of claiming my mark. I would tread among the galaxies, making all know my name; making all know my mission. I wanted to be remembered, to make a lasting impression on the world. I didn't want to be another hero, or villain, or even a victim. I wanted to be remembered for the influence I had, not for my tragedy. It was foolish to think I could accomplish something on a grand scale, but I let it rule my slumber. When bright stars were floating in my vision, I would picture my life as I truly wanted. It was so different from the life I lived now, it was nearly impossible to imagine. Interpreting my dreams was like interpreting an abstract painting, nearly impossible, but there would be that element of familiarity nagging at you from the back of your mind. No matter what exotic places or ridiculous situations dreams brought me, he would always be there. He would always tell me when I dreamed I was like a balloon, and he had to make sure I didn't float away. He was my anchor, keeping my feet on the ground. He was my wings that made my dreams lift off, carrying me close in the perfect position to get a taste of the moon and keep my heart where it mattered. As long as I was next to him, I was home.
Achilles' downfall came with a sharp blow to his one weak point. It was seen as a foolish mistake, that Ancient Greece's greatest super soldier could be brought down so easily. Someone so big and strong was seen as fragile and weak in death.
I wouldn't say that my end came the same way.
You see, when he died, my lifeline snapped in two. It lashed back at me, whipping me and causing excruciating pain. My body ached for the loss of its tether, and my heart shrunk upon itself until there was nothing left. I was the mere shell of a man, nothing but a conscious drifting through the air.
Now, I found myself sinking once again, but there wasn't a rope this time. There was no lifeline to guide me to safety, no light above the surface.
There was only darkness.
It was so easy to just let go, to hit that rock bottom and let the water claim you, to let it fill your lungs and stop your heart. Eventually, the water claimed my mind too, and it silenced my last shred of existence. I died clinging to the thought of an afterlife, one where I would have my lifeline once more.
