For laurenncamille
"Scott! Your package arrived!" Mitch said, the front door slamming shut behind him. He walked over to me and passed me a small box wrapped in tape. I immediately knew what it was.
"Thanks babe." I said, taking the delivery from him. "You rock. I'm gonna take this to my room, okay? Holler if you need anything."
I raced into my room and closed the door behind me. I had ordered this magic kit simply because it had a really good advertisement. Okay, that might be a slight lie and I might have ordered it because I was watching 3 AM infomercials drunk.
STILL, it said on the box that it had a spell to make someone fall in love with you, so I was going to try it out on Mitch. If he ever found out that I'm trying to pull this on him he'd probably throw me off a cliff so let's just hope this works.
I flipped open the included handbook and read the first page.
This book is divided into three categories: spells, potions, and rituals.
WARNING: Please do not use this book to summon Satan.
"Okay, seems simple enough..." I flipped through the contents until I found what I was looking for.
Ah, yes. 'How to make someone fall in love with you."
The instructions were simple enough. I needed to hold a strand of Mitch's hair in my left hand and clearly state the spell. I knew I could get some hair from the bathroom floor, since Mitch's hair had a tendency to fall out when he straightened it and he never managed to catch every single strand.
I went to collect the hair, ignoring the look Mitch was giving me as I passed by him only to return to my room without a word.
I sat on my bed, clutching the strand of dark DNA in my fingertips. I took a deep breath.
You can do this. You know the spell. Just don't pull a 2005 Patrick Stump, okay. Speak clearly and pronounce every syllable.
I took one last look at the book, the open page spelling in bold letters: diagonalley.
You can do this. Think of how worthwhile it'll be if it works.
I held the hair even tighter, and muttered under my breath: "diagonilly"
Now let's hope to Jesus that this worked.
I crept out of my room, feeling a slight bit more confident when I heard the TV still blaring in the background. I didn't see Mitch on the couch though, so I figured I'd just sit and wait for him to return from the kitchen or wherever.
I jumped over the back of the couch and winced when my ass hit something hard.
"OW! What the fuck?!" I heard. I looked around to see the source, but found no one. I moved over to the next cushion and saw a ginormous rock sitting next to me.
"Scott! What the hell did you do to me?" the rock said.
"Mitch?" I held back a laugh. "Is that you?"
"Yes, it's me. Please tell me I'm on drugs right now and this isn't really happening."
"I don't know Mitch, I'd say you look pretty stoned." I giggled, ignoring the absurdity of the situation.
"I swear, if I had arms right now I'd slap you."
"You wish you could." I tried to calm my laughing and take this seriously, but I failed. "Well, this backfired on me."
"What backfired on you?"
"The spell I tried to put on you. To make you fall in love with me."
"Why? I already love you, although I'm questioning that with each passing moment that I'm literally a rock, you piece of shit."
"Mitch, I think you meant a piece of schist."
"Just find a goddamn counter curse or whatever before I find a way to hurt you."
"Alright, alright." I threw my hands up in defense as I got off the couch to fetch my book.
