Okay, so I wanted to write something for Christmas, but that definitely did not work out. So have this thing that's not quite a story, but still tells one.
Dedicated to saran because i miss my moms loads and even though i'm out of practice i wanted to do something for them.
(sorry that this is short i said i'm very out of practice)
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They were best friends.
He never intended to fall in love, but he did, and now he can't stop his heart from fluttering like a hummingbird in chest whenever they're around each other. He can't stop himself from checking his phone constantly to see if he got a reply to that text he sent no more than ten seconds ago. He can't stop himself from letting his mind wander when he's supposed to focus, images of sharp, distinct features painting his vision.
His friends ask why he's always on edge these days, and he can't even give them an honest answer that makes him seem sane. What is he supposed to say, 'oh sorry, I just can't get this one person out of my mind long enough to have a conversation'? He's a grown man, he can't be distracted all the time, especially if he has to see the person that's causing the distractions every day. He settles for using the tired excuse of just having an off day. He knows it won't work forever, especially when his 'off day' turns into an 'off week' and eventually an 'off month', but what better excuse does he have? He's been asking everyone to repeat themselves because he can't focus on them long enough to hear what they say the first time. He's turning into a mess, and it's all because of this damn crush.
He supposes 'crush' is a pretty fitting term for being head over heels for someone. It's simple, like the feelings he thought he had when the crush first developed. It's endearing, like that dumb crooked smile that haunts his mind for weeks after he first sees it shine. Perhaps best of all, 'crush' is an accurate representation of the feeling in his chest when he can't get someone off his mind. It represents the sensation of being run over with a bulldozer of emotions and lying crumpled on the ground, thinking maybe that was the worst of it, maybe it's finally over and he can breathe again, only to see them standing next to him, offering a hand, and the pain amplifies until it occupies his whole body. But still, he smiles and accepts the outstretched hand.
He supposes that crushes can't be all that bad. They keep the mind entertained with fantasies like a small child is entertained by a stack of wooden blocks. It's nice to imagine cuddles in dimly lit rooms and walks under the stars, but it's heartbreaking at the same time. No matter how nice the fantasy, reality eventually hits, and the wreckage it leaves during the aftermath is a disaster of pain.
The aftermath is the realization that you can want with your whole body, that you can dedicate all of you to someone, but you will never be able to make them happier than they already are. No matter how hard you fall, they will be too busy with the person to whom they've dedicated their all to bother picking your broken shards off the ground.
That's why he leaves. He leaves before it's too late, before he ruins someone else's happiness.
He should've known that in the end, falling for his best friend would only leave him crushed.
