Losing Game/// James Potter

Chapter 58

Elsie was at war with herself. While her heart was dragging her in one direction, her brain was screaming at her to stop. And of course, it was all because of James Potter.

All she had ever wanted was to be with James, for him to love her and only her. And now that she had that chance, a voice in the back of her mind is telling her to run as far as she can away from him. It was the voice of reason telling her that love has never been kind to her; love always took more from her than it ever gave her, it has always left her when she needed it most. It was the reminder of the time her heart shattered into pieces when she found her first boyfriend in bed with another girl, or how when she was finally starting to be happy with a boy he left her without a goodbye. But most of all, it was a reminder that for 7 years she was never good enough for the boy she loved most.

But of course, all of that rationality was thrown into shreds whenever James Potter walked through a door. Her heart practically leaped in her chest trying to jump straight into his hands at the mere sight of him. It's like her heart was naturally giving itself to him, as if it was a wandering soul who was being called back home.

And so with the inner battle of head vs. heart playing out, she dragged herself out of bed an hour earlier than she needed to. Hoping to take her mind off everything, she tiredly got dressed and headed down to the common room where she surprisingly found herself not being the only one up early.

"What are you doing here so early?" She yawned out while plopping herself down on the couch next to her scar-faced friend.

Remus immediately gave into the feeling of Elsie tucked into him and threw his arm around her to pull her in closer, grumpily explaining why he was there, "Wormtail is a bloody loud snorer."

"Awww, did Moony not get his proper sleep?" Elsie teased while reaching her hand up and ruffling his hair.

The boy slightly chuckled while shaking his head no, "Why are you up?"

Elsie's mind quickly brought her back to the reason why she couldn't sleep, her smile slowly slipping off her face as she gazed down at the ground, "Couldn't sleep, just have a lot on my mind."

"Fancy talking about it?" He raised his eyebrow at her in a concerned way while raising her face to look at his.

She anxiously began chewing on her bottom lip as she looked up at her friend, not exactly knowing if she wanted to talk about the thing she's been thinking about all week. Elsie locked eyes with Remus, who had a knowing look on his face, and found herself telling him everything. Maybe it'll be good to talk about it with someone...

"It's just...well, it's James," she sighed her facial expression matching the chaos brewing inside of her, "I want to be with him, but-,"

"But, you're scared? Because of your past?" He attempted to finish her sentence for her, seeing the struggle within her eyes.

She solemnly nodded her head in agreement while speaking again in a quiet voice, "I-it just never works for me, Remmy. Everyone leaves."

Remus internally growled at the thought of Elsie's past relationships, not understanding how anyone could possibly want to give up the amazing girl in front of him.

"Is it me, Remmy?" Elsie self-consciously asked Remus, staring up at him with sad eyes, "Do I make everyone leave?"

"They leave because they're fucking wankers who don't deserve you," he quickly responded, not letting her think that about herself for even a second, "Don't blame their incompetence on yourself."

He pulled her tighter into chest while speaking again, "Maybe you should talk to James about it."

Elsie remained quiet after this suggestion, letting the idea sink into her chaotic mind. She's always been able to tell James anything, why should this be any different? Maybe he's right, maybe I should talk to James about it. He's been so patient with me recently, he deserves to know why I've been so hesitant...But how would I bring it up? What would I even say?