His Beta of Submission

thirty three

"I can't do this."

I was walking into the bedroom as all the kids were sleeping. I see Ezra shaking his head wildly, grasping ahold of his head tightly. Now I walk towards him and notice Ezra groan.

"I don't want...to hurt you again." Ezra whispers, shaking his head as I stood before him now. "How can I touch you calmly...without fear? I don't even trust myself."

"Is it enough that I trust you?" I murmur to him, grinning down at him. His hands were hesitant over my waist, but they just drop to his lap.

"No." He shook his head, and I sigh. I crouch before him and see his eyes still closed. He avoided me completely now.

I lay my head on his thighs, my hands resting on them too. I just continue to look up at him and smile.

Remi is the most ticklish around his thighs and sides. What if...?

I start tickling Ezra's thighs and he snickers, grabbing my hands to move them. Only for me to go back and I tickle him again.

"Theo you're being silly."

"And you're being super sad and it breaks my heart." I whine sadly, seeing Ezra grin down at me solemnly. "I told you...it's okay."

I see him shake his head as he leans against the couch more.

"It's fine, I know that you weren't the one doing it. You were forced into it - it's okay." I stand up, sitting on his lap. I wrap my arm around his neck and lean my head against his. "I don't like...seeing you this sad. I promise you it's okay."

As I sat here, I began to feel his arm go around my waist. It made me happy to feel such a thing.

"If I tell you...what went through my mind, you promise you'll be okay? Not...upset?" I hear him ask quietly, and I tilt his head up.

He looks up at me with a soft grin, and I grin back.

"Of course."

"Okay...listen to this..." He turns my body as I'm basically straddling him. I press my head against his and his hands caress my back. "When he controlled my mind...it was weird. In my mind you were the enemy, you were no longer the Theo I fell in love with. I couldn't see you as my Theo. I still saw you...but I couldn't do anything about how he made me see you."

I sat here quietly...feeling my heart begin to tighten.

"So...you saw me and still could beat me up?"

"I mean, it's complicated-."

"No!" I cry out, getting off of his lap abruptly. "You saw me...you saw me in your eyes and you still could beat me up like that? If you really loved me you should've been able to stop!"

"What don't you understand about mind and body control-?"

I rush away from Ezra now. I was annoyed very suddenly because it wasn't adding up at this point!

He could see me...okay? If that is the case then he should have been able to fight against such a thing! He's not weak whatsoever, so what's the problem?

I grabbed the babies and I was already rushing to my car. I honestly wanted to go to my moms house because this was aggravating me!

"You're so weird!" I hear him yell at me as I was downstairs trying to get the babies into their car seats.

"Shut up!"

"I was telling you what you wanted me to tell you! I was honest and I just tried letting you know. I was honestly helping you understand-."