His Beta of Submission

forty three

Remi

"You can talk all you want, but it doesn't change what has already been done."

I looked at my mom as Ezra was close beside him. My eyes settling onto him now in irritation.

"And I don't want an apology from you. I could care less about what you have to say or what you want to say. When I was younger you made it quite clear."

"Remi, please." My mom begged me, seeing him come towards me as he grips my arm. I look over at Micah who looked at me awkwardly since he was holding on to my other arm. "I don't want...this to be a benefactor to anything. Things have been misconstrued, things have been done that can't be undone, and we have gone about things incorrectly as parents-."

"No, you went about things wrong as a parent. Ezra is not my parent, and I'll never see him as one. This isn't about how I can't have you all to myself anymore, who cares about that. That was when I was a kid. Now...I just feel discarded and unwanted by my own mother who once cherished me. I hate the person Ezra has made you into, but I don't hate you mom. I just...have no desire to be here anymore. To be around this 'family'."

I didn't care as I saw tears streaming down his face. Ezra looked like he had something to say but I wasn't interested in hearing it.

Turning away from them, I tried to get away; but my mom was as grabbing my arm again.

"Remi, please, let's fix this. I didn't intentionally try to do all those things, not at all! I maybe, subconsciously, held some kind of resentment and anger towards the fact that I had a child with your father. It is nothing against you, and I didn't even realize I was acting a certain way-."

"And that's the problem. You have your dream family with Ezra, while I'm the nightmare. I wasn't wanted anymore, and you made it abundantly clear. Several times, many times - too many times! Why would I continue to stay here when you've even placed that disdain upon your kids with Ezra?" I question him now.

My mom's lips continued to tremble, and he cried even more. Before this would've bothered me and been enough. I would've wanted to fix things and speak with him on the matter. Except what's to talk about besides the same things that have already been said?

I have no interest in hearing it again.

"Let me go." I pull my arm from him again, and he cried even more.

I walk away with Micah as I ignore his cries, trying not to turn around.

The little kid in me...wanted to help my mom. To keep him from crying and protect him. Have him feel better, but I had to shove that feeling away. Because there came a certain age when I needed him the most...and he wasn't there.

He didn't protect me, he didn't keep me from crying.

Because of his lack of actions alone, I cried more than I needed to. I've never felt so let down.

"I feel kinda...bad for him." Micah says suddenly, and I look down at him curiously. "He was at least acknowledging what he did wrong. That's a step, right?"

"I guess so, but it doesn't change anything. He still let me down, and he still...hah. I don't even want to get into it because it'll frustrate me. It's not even about me being a brat anymore or wanting him to myself, just...be better. I want him to be better, and he won't with Ezra by his side. Especially with the other three, he won't be changing anytime soon. I don't need him to change for me though anymore. It's not necessary at this point. I'm nineteen."

"You still...are in your teen years of age. Just because of everything doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You're still his first born, and despite everything...losing you is not an option." He tried to tell me.