life's confessions

crazy

|deaja| it's been a little over four months that i've been staying with my aunt and uncle and i couldn't be more happy.

All though I have been a little rocky since the incident i still haven't felt this amount of peace in my life.

All the prayers, conversation, wisdom and just pure love has helped me through. It's august which meant school was around the corner.

I would be attending a new school for a fresh start.. I wanted to leave my past behind me. But I couldn't do that until I told my cousins about what happened.

I don't know how I lasted this long without saying anything but I have. When I'm around them it's like a weird tension between us.

I wanted to let that go before I went into the new school year.. I'd be starting my sophomore year which means I have to communicate more.

I walked in the room where all my cousins sat. Even though there's a huge age gap between me and them they've become like my older siblings.

"Hey y'all" I said walking in taking a seat not wanting to be near anybody when I dropped the bomb.

They all greeted me in their own ways and I sat thinking if I really wanted to do this. "wassup lil cous?" jay said egging me on.

I still sat there choked up overthinking, aggravated it had to be this way. "Dee come on you scaring me" kierra said and i opened my mouth telling them everything.

By the time I was done the boys were up pacing around the room, nikki and kierra came over to where i sat.

I lifted my head to the sight of jay and jdrew walk towards the door. "What y'all doing" I said standing chasing after the two.

"Deaja you're a baby that nigga will not be seeing the light of day i promise you that." J Drew said turning looking me in my eyes.

I turned over to jay reading the anger on his face. "Jay please don't do this" I said walking up to him.

"You're my little cousin, my little sister that should've never happened, he should've known how to keep his dirty limp ass dick in his pants"

I stood there knowing there was no stopping this.. If I hadn't had told them we wouldn't have this problem.

If I would've kept my mouth closed this could've all be avoided. I broke down right in the middle of the driveway.

"Deaja please don't do this" jdrew said walking to me lifting me over his shoulder. "Let me down foo" I said trying to keep the laugh that was threatening to leave my lips.

He carried me in the house with jay following behind me placing me on the couch. "I won't do anything only cause you don't want me to" he said after we all settled down.

"I'm calling mama and auntie on y'all cause y'all know better" nikki said grabbing her phone.

In the matter of fifteen minutes auntie doe and auntie karen came storming in kierras house. "jdrew i oughta knock your head off your shoulders for scaring my baby like that" she said hitting him upside the head leaving him rubbing his head.

"You alright?" She said grabbing both of my cheeks lifting my head. "Yes ma'am" I said smiling softly. I looked over to auntie dorinda fussing at jay.

"Trust me you don't think I wanna kill that man with my bare hands?" She asked him. "Mama I'm sorry" he said sighing looking at his feet.

"Y'all both should be ashamed, if nikkia hadn't have called y'all would both be in jail calling us to bail y'all out." She said ranting out of anger.

"I'm fine y'all I just didn't want y'all to get in trouble over me" I said standing up going to where the two sat.

"It's cute how protective y'all are over me" I said grabbing both of their cheeks. "Dee moveeee" jay said trying to push me off him.

"Why are you so annoying" jdrew asked.. just to annoy him more i repeatedly kissed his cheek. "I'm annoying but you love me" I said walking back to my seat.

"Remind me not to say nun when I get a boyfriend" I said scrolling through Instagram. "deaja don't play with me" they both said in unison.

"Y'all ugly" I said laughing to myself.. it felt good knowing someone was that crazy over me. "Deaja if you come on we can register you for school" auntie karen said grabbing her purse.

"Dorinda you coming?" She asked stopping at the door. "Yeah I don't mind" she responded trailing behind her.

standing to my feet I stretched before I hugged everybody goodbye. I sat in the back seat texting back all the people i hadn't texted back.

I had a bad habit of opening messages and not responding them. I looked up to my soon to be school. Why was it so big..

We all three walked in through going to the front office so we could get this over with. "You nervous?" Auntie k asked while she pulled out the folder that contained all my legal records.

"A little" I said shaking my leg biting my lip. Auntie doe placed a hand on my thigh stopping my shaking.

"Calm down you will be just fine" she said looking at me smiling. I shook my head trying to calm down as the papers were handed off.

We walked out the double doors getting in the car. "Well you start school monday.. two more days" she said looking back at me causing my stomach to turn.

I looked out the window taking in everything that's going on in my life. We dropped auntie doe off at her house before going to the house.

"Hey unc" I said walking into his study giving him a hug. "Heey, how was your day?" He asked me looking up at me.

I turned my head over looking at auntie Karen smiling. "Jay and jdrew was about to kill the man" she said shaking her head.

"I raised them well" he said chuckling. "drew now you know-" she said walking over him lightly tapping his shoulder.

"Drew give deaja your card so she can shop for some clothes and stuff for school" she said with her hand held out.

"What-" he said with a confused look on his face. I grinned widely, i loved spending money... especially if it wasn't mine.

She got the card after five minutes and handed it off to me. "Have fun, dinner will be done in a bit." She said as I walked out the study. I could really get used to this.