life's confessions

love & war

|deaja| i sat there as everyone read the note that was sent because of me. Before I could even finish reading the note it was snatched from me.

The first sentence alone sent me into a near panic attack resulting in me emptying my insides.

"Let me see please" I begged auntie doe

"No look, you barely read it and you making yourself sick. She replied with a worried look on her face.

"Come on im begging you" I whined growing agitated at the whole situation.

"Let her see it" auntie Karen finally spoke up quietly.

"Here" auntie doe said handing me the paper that had typed out words on it.

"I'm not with the sugar coating shit so let's get straight to it, I want deaja so you all have until ten pm on the dot to have her dropped off behind your first church.. if not then your current one where you're standing right now will be blown to pieces at the push of a button... don't even bother in relocating or rebuilding cause i'll make sure it crumbles to the ground as well. I have eyes everywhere so fuck with me if you want. ~ xoxo your real daddy"

I was completely speechless.. but i said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm going" when those words left my mouth everyone's head shot up.

"No, no you are not" uncle drew rushed out shaking his head.

"Yes I am, if you all don't take me then I will myself no one is about to get killed because of me I'm ready to die anyways." I said not meaning to say the last part.

I looked over to see auntie karen in tears.

"Why are you crying?" I asked her confused and just over everything.

"First off, no child, niece or family member of mine is going to turn themselves in. This is a temporary building that can and will be rebuilt."

"You are a person, a soul, a spirit and once you leave the earth realm we cannot get you back. There's no replacing you. Only God himself can do that"

"So no, you will not be turning yourself in and watch your mouth when you talking to me cause you know I won't hesitate to whoop ya narrow behind" she finished pointed her finger at me with her head tilted.

I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and nodded my head. A knock on the door caused all of us to pause whatever we were doing.

"Who is it?" We all three asked in unison. "It's me and j" kierra replied from the other side of the door.

We all let a out a huge sigh of relief as they both walked in.

"Hey y'all why y'all have these weird faces on?" Jdrew asked sitting down on the love seat.

"Yeah what's going on?" Kierra asked squeezing beside me toying with my hair.

"Um, we got a unpleasant note sent to us.. here it is" uncle drew said grabbing the note before the ringing phone cut him off.

"Hello?" He answered.. his face immediately dropping. He put the phone down before putting it on speaker.

"Can she hear me?" A voice I never wanted to hear again asked.

"Yes she can hear you" uncle drew said in a duh tone.

"Great, first off hi deaja, you look beautiful on this lovely sunday" he started making my head shoot up.

"What are you talking about?" I asked looking at the faces of the people sitting around me.

"Look behind you" he simply said.

We all turned our heads and looked at the closest window which was behind us. Squinting my eyes I saw about three men standing at a distance.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I whispered out turning my head back to the phone.

"Cause those people you're sitting by took what was mine and brainwashed you to death." He said automatically making me feel disgusting.

"First off you took MY mother.. so let's not go there. Humble yourself wack ass nigga" I said slamming the phone on the receiver before storming out the room into the bathroom.

I stared looking at the reflection in the mirror.. staring at the girl that appeared to be me. "Do i even know me- do I even know who I am anymore?" I asked myself trying to pull out of my emotions.

"You are.. the epitome of a great young lady. You are one of my favorite people and that means something.. you keep pushing even when you want to give in and give out.. but you don't and you keep it moving.. i love you so much.. don't you ever forget that" her soft voice rung out through the bathroom.

"I just wanna make my mama proud but I can't keep doing this-" i choked out wrapping my arms around her crying into the crook of her neck.

"Let it out baby, let it out" she cooed making my floodgates open more. After I got myself cleaned up we went inside of the office.

"Sorry for the language yall, sorry for lashing out as well." I said quietly. "It's fine, we understand" auntie doe said smiling.

We went outside.. us all squeezing into auntie karens truck. We were to scared to ride separately so this was the outcome.

"Baby dee" auntie Karen called out looking back at me.

"Ma'am?" I replied back looking up from my phone.

"Me and your uncle has a safe house that's not in detroit.. if it's okay with you we were gonna go there after we packed up everything else." She said biting her lip.

"Yeah that's cool, you sure they won't find us?" I asked her nervously overthinking the whole thing.

"All we can do is pray about it" she replied back. She called everyone to meet her at the house with a bag packed for a while.

At about 8:00 everyone arrived.. stretched back to all of my aunts kids, their kids and spouses.

They had a van in one of the many garages they had and we all settled in not knowing what the next couple minutes.. hours or even days could bring us.

love and war at its finest.

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