Unexpected Promises

Chapter 67

Saad's pov: 

Ya Allah, it has been so long. So long since I last saw her or them. Or be with her or them. Ya Rabbi ya kareem, are you angry with me? Is this my punishment for some grave mistake of mine? Or a grave sin of mine? I don't know ya Rabbi ya Kareem. I don't know. It just gets so hard sometimes. I feel like giving up. No, not on her but on myself. I feel like taking a break from everything. The burden, ya Allah the burden feels so heavy at times. I know that trying to find her isn't a burden on me, but ya Allah, sometimes when I feel tired, when all the burdens of this chaotic world crush me underneath it, when all the responsibilities and expectations come to me all at once, I feel like giving up. 

Ya Allah when things get hard, I have nowhere to go except you. When I feel burdened or tired, I have nowhere to go except you. When I feel like giving up, I have nowhere to go except you. Ya Rabbi ya Kareem, I know that I have sinned a lot, I know that I have made several mistakes, but I know that you are capable of forgiving them all. And you love forgiving us. So ya Allah, forgive me, forgive my sins. Forgive my mother. Forgive my father. Forgive my wife. Forgive my family and her family. Forgive us all. 

Ya Rabbi ya Kareem, help me become a better Muslim. Show me the right path and let me walk on it. Give me Hidayah and let me be a source of Hidayah for others. Ya Allah, be with me. Always be here with me, by my side. Don't leave me even for a moment because I know that if you leave me even for just a moment, I will lose myself. I will get lost. And ya Rabbi ya Kareem, I don't want that. I don't want to get lost or be away from you and your mercy. I don't want to lose your sight. 

Ya Allah, things have been getting hard lately. I seem to be losing hope slightly. I know somewhere in my heart that you will make things alright, that everything will work out, but still Ya Rabbi ya Kareem, I seem to be losing my hope. It seems to be diminishing away, fading into the darkness surrounding me. Ya Allah, help me. Don't let me lose my hope. Don't let me lose my way.  

Ya Allah, I miss her so much. So much that at times it hurts, it hurts my heart to even think about losing her forever. And at times my heart is filled with so much love for her that it feels like it will burst. I crave to be with her, to hold her, to kiss her forehead and tell her how much I missed her. But ya Rabbi ya Kareem, I don't even know where she is right now. And I just hope and pray that wherever she is, she should be safe and sound, she should be at peace and happy. Ya Allah, keep them under your protection and keep them happy. Give me sabr and give her sabr too. 

I don't know how she might be, where she might be, if she has already moved on, lost her hope in our case or in ever meeting me. But I do know that you are the best of planners and you must have something in store for us. Something that when we get to know about it, everything will make sense. Ya Rabbi ya Kareem, give us sabr and let us reach our destination with ease. Be with us and help us. Don't ever leave us alone. 

Aameen. 

Getting up from the sujood and wiping my tears away, I closed my eyes and let myself sink in the pure feeling of bliss which I always felt after praying and crying my heart out to my Lord. After all, He was the one who was always there for me and will continue to be there for me no matter what. 

._._._. 

Checking all the marked places on the map once again, I quickly jotted down the few places which were still remaining to be explored. A tired sigh escaped my lips as I kept the pen down and took the map in my hands to look at it thoroughly. 

It was hard; living everyday without her. And it was getting harder. At times I felt like I wasn't even living, I was just surviving. Those were the times when I felt her absence the most. And especially knowing that I had promised ammi to get her back soon, I sometimes felt guilty for not being able to find her yet.