Unexpected Promises

Chapter 41

Atifa's pov:

I couldn't get that thought out of my mind. He really thought like that? He actually thought that I was that kind of a girl? I mean... I know that we might not have been married for much time but that didn't mean that he could judge me like that.

But that was not my main concern. He wanted me to tell him everything when I got to know about it. And I didn't know if I should agree or... I mean... I just didn't want him to start disliking ammi...

Yeah maybe I didn't know her reasons, but that didn't mean that I could stand someone disliking her or talking bad about her. However she was, she was still my mother. And I couldn't just stand and listen to someone talk bad about her. Maybe her reasons couldn't even be justified, but still... I just couldn't...

But I couldn't even break his promise. I mean, maybe I didn't promise him yet, but I couldn't break his hope. I couldn't let myself be the reason for his pain once again. We already hurted him enough when we left without even informing him. And I couldn't let that happen again. Maybe it doesn't matter to ammi that much if he was hurt or not, but it does matter to me. It does matter to me...

"Api, what are you thinking?" Amira's bubbly voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Nothing Mira, but what were you doing?" Shaking my head at her, I smiled slightly.

"I was checking your gallery. But now I miss bhai and Alayna. Oopsiee... I mean bhaijaan and Alayna." She smiled sheepishly in the end, making me roll my eyes. It was all Emaan work!

Thinking about Emaan, I missed her so much. I didn't even know how to contact her because ammi strictly refused me to use my number, whether it's to contact someone or to message someone. I didn't even know why she said that. But her authoritative voice left no room for argument. And so, I couldn't ask her anything.

I hoped she was alright and not crying or getting sad over me. I mean, I didn't deserve it. What kind of a friend was I even? Leaving without even informing her? Couldn't I have asked ammi to stay for a while, just a while longer so that at least I could have bid her farewell.

But no, I was a coward, and I still am! No doubt about that.

She must have been thinking of ways to kill me when she sees me, I was sure about that. Even I would have done the same, if she would have left without even informing me... At least I should have left a message for her or something, but I don't think my mind was working that well that I would do something like that.

I was just busy in self pitying, which if I think about right now, seemed so self conceited ! 'How considerate of me!' My mind mocked me, making me hate myself for doing such a thing.

Couldn't I have thought about others for once? Or more precisely those who were close to me? Was I always this self conceited or that was the only time? I hoped it was the latter one which was true because I didn't know what I would do if it wasn't.

"Api aap wapas kaha kho gai? Mujhe bhaijaan se milne jaana hai. Hum unke ghar chale aaj?" Tugging at my shirt, Amira whined, bringing me out of my thoughts once again.

(Where are you lost once again? I want to meet my brother-in-law. Can we visit them today?)

"What do you mean 'hum unke ghar chale?' Aisa thodi hota hai Mira. We can't go there because first, we didn't ask ammi and second, aise kisi ke ghar jaana acchi baat nahi hai. Unki family kya sochegi? They don't even know about..." I trailed off, realising what I was going to tell this seven year old kid. How could she have understood this situation?