Unexpected Promises

Chapter 85

Atifa's pov:

It was after a while, when we had calmed down a bit, that I asked him, not really wanting to know the answers. I was dreading them, there was no doubt about that. I couldn't stop thinking about it. "You said they. Wh- who all?"

"Everyone except Rayyan. They were going to pick him up from the airport and..." Looking away, he paused before running a hand through his hair, looking despaired.

"And?" Looking up at him inquisitively, I probed.

"Met with a car accident on the way..." He muttered quietly, not meeting my gaze and stealing my breath away. I- I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting anything like that at all!

"When… when did it happen?" Gulping the lump formed in my throat and tightening my hold on the covers, I asked him as once again, tears glistened in my orbs.

I could feel my heartbeat rising and my breaths getting labored. I could even feel sweat forming on my forehead and my palms, it was getting suffocating and hot. I couldn't even hear what he was saying properly. But trying to focus on his voice, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"...Maybe ten days after you guys left..."

"We stayed at her place for two days before coming here." I rasped out as tears made their way down my face, without any pause.

"Ar- are you okay?" Sitting on his knees to come to my level and holding one of my hands, he asked me, worry etched on his face.

"I- I don't know..." I cried while squeezing his hand and bringing my knees closer to my chest before keeping my head on it.

"W- why are your hands so hot? Atifa? Okay, listen to me. It's okay. You are fine. Everything is okay. Calm down, okay?" Rubbing his thumb on my knuckles, he tried to pacify me, desperation clear in his hazel orbs.

"Okay? How is everything okay? I- I lost my best friend and I didn't even know about it until now! You think it's okay? I could be losing my mother and you think it's okay? Amira is losing herself and that's okay too? NO! Nothing is okay! It won't ever be! NO ONE WILL EVER BE THE SAME AND NOTHING WILL EVER GO BACK TO NORMAL! DO YOU REALIZE THAT?!" I shouted, or at least that's what was intended but my voice wasn't that loud.

"Atifa…"

"What? What is it now? What else will you tell me? Nothing that you say is going to help me. And leave me alone! You weren't even going to tell me anything! Not about ammi's health and not about… about their death… Why? You wouldn't have even told me if- if I…" Closing my eyes and looking away, I sniffed while snatching my hand and wiping my tears before looking back at him questioningly. "Did I not deserve to know? Was I that bad of a friend? Or a daughter?"

"N- no. That's not true Atifa. That's not true! I just… didn't tell you because you are sick right now and  I- I didn't know how to tell you…" Desperately trying to grab my hand, he replied, his voice turning just a breeze of whisper by the end.

"But nothing is ever going to be okay, right? I- I won't get to see my best friend ever again! I- I didn't even know it was the last time I was meeting her. I- I wanted to tell her so many things! I wanted to hug her so badly. And all this while, all these years, I was in the dark. I didn't even know she was no more!" A sob racked through my body, shaking me as I kept my head back on my knees. "I- I should've known when she didn't answer my phone calls that something was wrong! I should've known! I should've known! What kind of a friend was I? I didn't even go and check up on her when she didn't pick up my calls and continued to think that she must be busy or there must be some problem. Why? Why couldn't I just go there and check up on her?! I hate it! I hate myself! I'm such a fool! Couldn't even keep an eye on my only friend! Couldn't even keep track of her or be in touch with her! I- Saad I-"