Conceive

Chapter eighteen

~NAMJOON POV~

I just collapsed into my chair, exhausted with stress and guilt that has been eating away at me over a month now. What I did to her haunts me every single day and I'll have to live with that. But now there's a child to be that constant reminder of what happened between us. It's not what I had ever imagined how my child would come to be but I cant change it.

Speaking to Y/n I just wanted to make it clear to her that I was and am very sorry about it. It wont change anything but all this time since I never got the change to apologise and so when the doctor that came by told us that she's pregnant I just knew I needed to speak to her alone. Even if I didn't get that chance alone with her I was still able to say something to her.

I'll spend forever making it up to her.

In my thoughts of Y/n and the current situation that is entirely my fault did I sit up as I cracked my neck on both sides, groaning at I had done so. Picking up that bottle of straight vodka on my desk that I had been drinking since Jungkook took Y/n back home. I hid in my office to drink while she slept and the doctor checked her over. Now it's time to get back to it.

I didn't even bother getting a glass to pour it in like I usually do, drinking out the bottle would be just fine. Taking a bit swing I scrunched up my nose, feeling that burn down my throat that somehow eased the pain slightly to how I was feeling inside.

When I did what I did I knew what I was doing but I didn't care in that moment. I was too angry to care and with alcohol in my system at the time I couldn't of cared less. But I had no idea that I would feel this way afterwards. Knowing I hurt her is just heart breaking to me. I barely know the girl but yet every time she looks at me before and after my stomach flutters and my head becomes dizzy with thoughts of her beauty.

Haru isn't my soulmate. Y/n is.

And I just fucked it all up.

To be rejected my your soulmate slowly kills you on the inside and that will be my punishment for my actions.

Cutting off my thoughts when I heard a knock on the door I looked up to it as it opened without permission and in came a twirling Haru, spinning in circles happily where as I just roll my eyes at her wanting her to leave me alone and go away.

"Go away Haru."

I groaned just before taking another swig of the bottle, glaring at me wife that I've grown to hate so much. She stopped in her dancing just to frown at me, tilting her head to the side stunned by my attitude.

"Why are you so grumpy? We're about to be parents Namjoonie." Haru

"Stop calling me that and if you haven't noticed I want to be alone."

Waving the half empty bottle in my hands in front of her. She just eyed the bottle blankly before that stupid grin crawled up on her face.

"Are you sure that's wise after what happened last time you drank? The proof is in the belly of our surrogate now." Haru

That was it.

I stood up from my chair, kicking it over as I had done so and threw the bottle towards the nearest wall shattering glass thrown across the room, cutting Haru on the arm. She gasped and stepped back but I just angrily pointed my finger at her.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out."

For several seconds her shocked eyes locked to mine, staring back at me in silence but I was in no mood to be around her or anyone. I wanted to be alone. Now that Y/n is pregnant with my child I have to be close to her most of the time, according to the law. This means every time we leave this house both Y/n and I will have that constant reminder of the pain I have given her.