Dishing The Dirt: Nikki Sixx • Mötley Crüe •

Chapter 12: Revelations

With Nikki gone, I was left alone with my thoughts. I'd locked myself away again and told everyone I was writing some more music but the reality was, I'd become petrified to leave my own home because I didn't have him there to protect me.

Everytime the buzzer went or the door knocked, I'd completely freak out. I was constantly looking out the windows to make sure nobody was on the street watching me and I'd bolted extra locks onto my door, but I needed something extra, something that could help protect me at all times...

I was pacing around my apartment doing my regular checks and biting at my nails, and the phone rang. I practically jumped out of my skin.

"Hello!?" I snapped as I held the phone up to my ear.

"Jee - What's rattled your cage!?" I knew from the sarcastic tone and lack of filter it was Ashley.

"Sorry, I was just... I was in the middle of something... what's up?" I asked as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Well we wanted to know if you wanted to come down to the Veil. Have a few drinks, work the pole, goof around like we used too" she giggled.

"Tell her it's not an option! She has to come!" I heard Sean holler over the phone.

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my face, silently groaning at the thought of leaving my house.

"Come on! You've locked yourself away for like a week now..." Ashley pleaded.

"Yeah but what if I miss a call from Nikki?" I sighed as I played with the phone cord.

"You won't! It's just a couple hours. Besides, Vince is calling here anyway so I can always tell him to tell Nikki to call you here" she whined.

"Alright fine! Give me like an hour to get ready and then I'll be over" I groaned.

I could hear her chatting away as I placed the phone back on the receiver.

I threw on some clothes and made some sort of effort with myself. I grabbed my purse and took off.

I walked down the strip, looking behind me and around the streets constantly. I glanced over the other side of the road and that's when I stopped...

It was a small firearms store. You wouldn't really know it was there unless you looked hard enough.

I had a thousand thoughts racing through my mind as I weighed up the pros and cons of buying one, but before I knew it, I was heading straight for the door.

A little bell rang as I opened the door and walked inside. I looked around and this place was insane! Being British I'd never seen a firearm so this was like, a whole new level of crazy for me.

"Can I help you, miss?" An older guy asked as he placed his hands on the counter.

"Hi! I think you could actually..." I smiled as I walked over to him.

I explained my situation and this guy started showing me a whole bunch of guns. I found a cute one with gold plating, pearls and diamonds... it was very "me". He let me test it out and eventually I bought it. I felt a lot safer knowing that it was there if I needed it.

I stuffed it into my purse and started to walk out the store but I couldn't find my cigarettes. I started to rummage around in my bag and I felt myself bump into someone.

I instinctively looked up to apologise and...

"It's you!?" I stuttered.

I couldn't believe it. I wasn't on drugs. I wasn't drunk. I was stone cold sober and she was standing right in front of me.