Dishing The Dirt: Nikki Sixx • Mötley Crüe •

Chapter 28: Home

I put my key in the door and turned it clockwise, letting out a little sigh.

"You sure you're gonna be okay on your own?" Dave asked as he handed me my bag.

I decided I was gonna go clean up my mums house and stay in my old bedroom for now. My dad decided he didn't want to come back here, apparently it bought back too many bad memories, so he got himself a hotel room. Tony decided to go back home to try and sleep, while Bill and Geezer kept my mum company. The nurses said it could be days before she woke up, and that was being hopeful, so I decided I was gonna get a shower and try to sleep for a couple of hours.

I looked up at the house I'd once called home, and all these memories flashed before my eyes as I looked round. All the birthdays... Christmases... easters... the huge street party we had for the Queens Silver Jubilee... my first kiss on the doorstep with a kid called Razzle that lived opposite... the way mum chased dad down the street with a rolling pin for feeding the stray cats outside the chicken we were having for a Sunday dinner...

There were so many happy memories that had all been tarnished, from finding my dad in here with Sharon, all the arguments and keepsakes that had been smashed, and now my mums overdose.

"Actually... can you stay?" I asked.

I was apprehensive about going back in there. I knew if I went in alone, I'd cope the way my parents taught me to - drown your sorrows with a bottle of Jack and don't look back.

"Yeah! Of course I can" he smiled as he cut in front of me and opened the door.

As I walked inside, it was nothing like the home I remembered. The photos that used to cover the walls had been taken down. There was rubbish all over the floor. The carpets that we had fitted not even a year ago were all completely stained and burned. The wallpaper was peeling off the walls. There were silver spoons, candles, needles, bloodied rubber tubes and empty packets all over the place. There used to be this homely musky smell that made you feel safe and relaxed, but now, it smelt like a landfill site.

I always said when I was a kid, I was going to marry Razzle from across the street and we were gonna raise our kids in this house... safe to say that dream was long gone.

As I walked around the house, every single room so far had been used as some kind of crack den. I got to my bedroom and took a deep breath. I opened the door and walked in to find that it was completely untouched. The same white wash walls that were covered in photos and posters. The same pink bed sheets with tiny lavender plants printed all over. The same lamps, same rug, the same dressing table and the same built in wardrobes.

I sat down on my bed and looked around. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands as I broke down. I just wanted to be back in L.A. without a care in the world, downing shots of tequila with Sean, Vince, Tommy and the girls.

I heard the door open and Dave popped his head round. I quickly wiped away my tears and took a deep breath.

"You don't have to stay here, we'll go find you a hotel" I said as I stood up and quickly brushed myself down.

"What!? What are you talking about?" He asked as he walked in and sat down on the bed, pulling my arm so I flopped down on the bed next to him.

"Look at the state of this place! I can't have you sleeping here, it's a dump!" I sniffled.

He let out a sigh and looked around. "We can fix it, alright? I'll help you clean up, we can make dinner, maybe open a bottle of Mateus... c'mon! It can be like old times" he smiled as he tickled my side and giggled.