Dishing The Dirt: Nikki Sixx • Mötley Crüe •

Chapter 45: Rehab

I was 4 weeks into the 6 week treatment plan my dad put me on. So far it had been really fucking rough. The first day I got here, I woke up in what looked like a hotel bedroom. It had these huge French doors that opened up onto a little balcony and overlooked a gorgeous view of the Hills. There was a dark green garden table and some rattan patio furniture, and that's usually where I spent the first hour of my morning every day.

My room was magnolia. There was a black metal bed with a super comfy mattress, Egyptian cotton sheets and duck feather pillows. The curtains were meant to be gold but they were more like a piss yellow. There was a small, dark wood table next to my bed which had a lamp on it, and there was a matching wardrobe, table and chair.

Using the bathroom was a pain. It was such a small facility that there were only a handful of residents. Everyone had their own 15 minutes to take a shower each night while someone waited outside the door. The whole thing was ridiculous.

I'd made friends with all the other "patients" and we were helping each other through it. There was Kimberly, she was in her 40's and the wife of a plastic surgeon. She had gotten addicted to medication he was slipping her after surgeries. Then, there was Kaine. He was a music producer and he was sooo freakin hot! He was covered in tattoos, had the dreamiest blue eyes and a charming smile but he was addicted to coke and pills, this was his third time going to rehab so far. And then, there was Mindy. She was the sweetest girl who was a model for a bunch of designer companies. She was around my age and she was addicted to weed and alcohol. Apparently she used it to calm her nerves because she suffered with really bad anxiety.

When I first arrived, I was really hostile to everyone. I'd sit on my own and tell everyone to fuck off. The withdrawal really fucked around with my head and the little pills they gave me to try and subsidise the effects didn't work that great. It was hard to be mean to the 3 of them though. Kimberly was like the mum figure of the group, she always had a smile on her face and would give you a hug if you needed it. Kaine was the eye candy but he was a real gentleman, we'd sneak off every night once the staff fell asleep and we'd go for a walk down the nature trail together and smoke cigarettes and just talk about all kinds of things. Mindy was so adorable. She really reminded me of Maggie but she looked a lot like Ashley. During my first week when I was really struggling, she would sneak into my room and leave her yogurt from lunch under my pillow with a little note saying she was proud of me for still being here.

At first, I wasn't committed to the whole thing at all, I was certain that I was going to walk out and leave and I tried to a couple of times, but the way the staff spoke to me wasn't how I imagined they'd be. I thought I'd turn up to some place with bars on the windows, white washed walls and every other resident would be a zombie, sedated up to their eyeballs, but it wasn't like that at all. There was freedom, respect and a lot of fun. They really cared about the people staying here and wanted to help rehabilitate them and support them back into society.

I'd gotten myself into a great routine. I'd wake up at 5:30 am, I'd sit outside on the balcony with a cup of coffee and watch the sun come up over L.A., then I'd knock on Mindy's door and we'd go join Kaine and Kimberly for breakfast.

At around 9:30, we'd have circle time where we'd all talk about the events of that morning, how we slept and we'd write down in our journals things we were grateful for, how we were feeling and our plans for that day. After circle time, we did our own thing. I'd usually go out to the nature trail which led to a lookout point and take photographs to add to my portfolio. I'd really gotten into photography and it had become a healthy distraction. I really wanted to hold an exhibition to showcase my work once I got out of here!

After I was done shooting for the day, I'd grab some lunch and then I'd sit down for a therapy session. Everyone else would talk and meet up with their families and friends but not me.