Dishing The Dirt: Nikki Sixx • Mötley Crüe •

Chapter 42: Nightmare

Liv's POV:
It had been a week since my mum died and I'd convinced myself I was doing fine but the truth was, I hadn't left Nikki's place once. The two of us had become inseparable and I found complete comfort in it.

My dad called a bunch of times but that's only because he had Nikki's number, I was kinda surprised that they'd developed a little bond while I was off gallivanting with Dave. Speaking of, he heard from whispers on the strip that I was staying with Nikki so he decided to swing by. He was his usual narcissistic self, he even tried blaming me for the whole ordeal but I stood my ground and Dave started to back track a little. He said he'd come to see how I was doing after the news broke and asked if I was coming "home" but Nikki had heard the whole conversation. He came over to the door and I thought he was gonna whoop his ass but he simply pulled me out the way, told him I was already "home" and slammed the door in his face.

I'd spent my entire life being super spontaneous, but I'd gotten rather comfortable in my new routine. I'd wake up in Nikki's arms and indulge in the moment for a little while but then my mind would start racing and I'd start to remember what had happened. So, to numb the pain, I'd sneak off to the bathroom and slip myself a couple of pills from the medicine cabinet and hide them under my tongue while I walked back to the kitchen to take a shot of Jack to wash them down. Then, I'd climb back into bed next to Nikki and revel in bliss as everything started to kick in. Some days we stayed in bed, making up for lost time but others, we'd move to the couch and watch movies and cuddle. Nikki had honestly been my saving Grace. After being so neglected by Dave, I was craving intimacy and it wasn't even in a sexual sense. Whatever invisible force was there between me and Nikki was something so much deeper than making out and screwing each other, it was being able to let my guard down, lay myself completely bare and allow someone to see me for the person I truly was and I was beginning to learn that that was real intimacy and not the bullshit Dave brainwashed me with.

***

I'd just woken up and Nikki had his arm draped over my waist, and was nuzzled into my neck. I was caressing his back and my fingers were intwined with his hair. I was enjoying how soft and smooth his hair and skin was... how our naked bodies fit perfectly together... how his warmth was the perfect temperature. I was almost falling back asleep, nuzzling my nose into the top of Nikki's hair when that voice in my head spoke out of no where again.

"She's gone..."

I opened my eyes instantly and my stomach dropped. I could feel the panic starting to set in and tears started to build up in my eyes. I could feel the winded feeling in my gut getting more intense by the second. I took a deep breath and slowly tried to get out of bed without waking Nikki. I pulled his arm off me and rested it on his side but as I did he stirred. I waited a couple of seconds but he rolled over and started snoring again.

I raced into the bathroom on my tip toes, carefully closing and locking the door behind me. I opened the cabinet and picked out the white medication bottle. It felt a lot lighter than I remembered. I emptied them out into my hand and saw there was only 8 left.

I pursed my lips and thought about what I was gonna do. They belonged to Tommy and he must need them for whatever reason, but my grief had made me selfish, and so I convinced myself I needed them more. I was just gonna have to take what I needed and find a way to replace the whole bottle.

I needed them to get into my system fast and I was shaking from the withdrawal, so I crushed them up with the soap dish on a dry part of the basin and scooped the freshly crumbled pills under my tongue. I was in so deep with them, I even made sure I licked my finger and ran it over the area, just to make sure I'd got all the residue.