Hanahaki Strings • seventeen jihancheol

Chapter 40: Cupid

Jeonghan

I stared blankly at the whole campus as I let myself shiver in the coldness of the air that's piercing through the thick fabric of the coat I'm wearing all the way to my skin.

It's the third day of the Christmas Sports Fest, and the campus is still crowded just like the first day.

I went up to the rooftop of our dormitory building to have some time alone to think about things.

Lately, my mind seemed so messy. I've been thinking a lot of things, including Seokmin's sudden revelation to us which fueled something inside me.

His confession about his crush for Joshua makes me annoyed, and seeing how he is so passionate with our birthday surprise for Joshua makes it more annoying. He is trying so hard to impress him, to get to Joshua's heart.

I know I said it's bad to have this sort of feeling when we're in one group of friends, but I couldn't help it. It just irritates me so much.

I know why I'm acting like this. I'm very aware. I'm not stupid not to know the meaning behind the sudden increase of my heartbeat whenever Joshua is around, and how my energy deflates every time Seokmin pulls him away from us, or how his simple smile and laughter could brighten up my mood.

I am very much aware of those symptoms. But unlike Seokmin, I don't want to tell it straight out to our friends, not when he already did. I don't want to look like I'm competing with him.

Besides, aside from feeling this way to Joshua, there's still this confusing turmoil inside me that I've been trying to ignore, that I've been reasoning out because I don't believe it's possible to happen at all.

How can you have feelings for two different people at the same time?

I never liked someone before, let alone two. How am I supposed to do this?

Sometimes, I just think that maybe I'm just thinking that I like them when in fact, I don't. It was just probably an infatuation I developed from our previous hang outs when the three of us were left alone by our friends. Maybe it's because I found comfort in them, because we're all the same age.

But how could I explain the way my heart palpitates whenever they're around? I don't feel that way to Jun or Minghao when they're the only friends I had. I don't feel that way with Wonwoo and Jihoon. Or even with Soonyoung and the other two.

You just don't feel that way towards friends right? Moreover to two people.

I have never seen a relationship that consists of three people. That doesn't just work. And I can't think of ways how it would work.

"Jeonghan hyung?"

I was startled by the sudden voice that emerged from behind. When I turned around to look at who it was, I saw Mingyu.

"Oh, Mingyu. It's been awhile," I greeted him with a smile.

He smiled back, "Yeah, it's been awhile hyung."

He stands right beside me as we both divert our eyes to the sight of our campus.

"Why are you here, hyung? Are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking of some things," I responded. I glance at him sidewards, "how about you? What are you doing here?"

"I always went here to think. This is the only place no one wanted to go to, so this is the best place to unwind some thoughts."

"Are you alright?"

He quickly glanced at me when I asked that. He didn't answer, he just sighed before looking back in front.