Of course this happens to me

Chapter 3

I hadn't said a word since I was shown to my room, I didnt trust these people, I should never have talked to them in the beginning. It hurt talking to people, it felt impossible but for some reason my mind made me talk to them in the beginning but now I had come to my senses so I wasn't talking. Why would I talk all that happened when I talked was I would get in troubke or be insulted so there is no reason to talk.

I make my way to the room I was reading and sit on the couch and start reading again.
"Sir, what did his school say when you contacted them?" I hear Spencer ask, I realise they dont realise I'm here and go still. "Well they said he didn't talk much, was bullied but was very smart" Sir replies, I hear them walking into the room and I fake sneeze. "Oh hi Iz, didn't see you there! Do you want anything specific for dinner since I'm cooking tonight?" Spencer smiles down at me. I shake my head before standing up and grabbing my crutches. I put the book back on the shelf and start to head back for my room, I feel a hand on my shoulder and freeze. I look over my shoulder terrified and make eye contact with Sir who realises the panic and removes his hand. "I'm so sorry Isaiah, I'll make sure to tell everyone not to touch you. I was just going to ask you to my office so we can have a chat" he says gently, I shrug.

He leads me to his office while Spencer heads to the kitchen, we walk into a fancy office with three couches, walls full of bookshelves and one large desk with one chair. I sit on the couch closest to the door and look at Sir expectantly, he sits on another couch and smiles at me.
"So Isaiah, tell me about yourself! Why do you think you are here, if you have any mental illnesses, what your hobbies are and such!" he speaks so gently trying to hide that mental illness question by cushioning it with normal ones. I just look up at him and shrug, seems the anxiety didn't want me to talk anymore. He frowns and I can see the moment an idea pops into his head, his whole face lights up when he reaches for a notepad and pen and hands them to me. "If you don't want to talk thats fine, you can write instead" I look at him and smirk. "Theres a difference between not wanting to talk and not being able to talk" I sign to him in ASL not expecting him to understand. "No need to be cheeky" he says and signs back to me, I flush. "I'm here because my parents are tired of me. I like reading, music, art and languages. I can't talk most of the time because I get anxious and it overwhelms me and when I can talk I often stutter and stumble over words. I have never been to a therapist so I wouldn't know if i had any mental illnesses" I sign back to him wanting to get this over and done with.

He nods his head "Your parents told me you caused lots of trouble and had anger issues apparently which is why they sent you here. I can give you access to unlimited books and art supplies, if you want any language tutors let me know. Lastly I am a licensed psychologist who can help you and diagnose you with stuff if you have any problems which could help lead us towards solutions and things that can help. Now can you tell me about your mutism?". I visibly gulp "I'm not mute I just can't talk more often than I can because I feel like theres an elephant on my chest stealing the air from me" I sign quickly avoiding eyecontact. "This sounds very similar to selective mutism, but lets just see how you get on for the next while. I want you to settle in before we get into the deep stuff." he talks as if hes trying to calm me with his voice. "Are we done now?" I sign before reaching for my crutches, I could feel a panic attack coming on and didn't want to pass out in front of the guy again. "Not yet I just have a few more questions. Can you tell me about the bullying?" he asks gently. My head snaps towards him "Thats private, I'm leaving. Don't come near me for the rest of the week" I sign as fast as I can before grabbing my crutches and getting out of there as fast as possible. I can hear him moving to come after me, I drop the crutches and expertly jam the knee lock before running up to my room and slamming the door behind me. I sink to the floor the pain taking over as I try to prevent the panic attack that I can feel coming faster and faster. I ignore the knocking on the door and rest my head against it.

I stand up a while later and look around my room before changing out of my sweats, brace and leggings and into pyjama bottoms and getting into bed. I rummage through my bag and find my stash of blades that i bought for art purposes but did not turn out that way. I go to take them before deciding against it and stuffing them further into the bag. I relax into the bed and decide to sleep, I think I saw the doc give Sir some tablets for sleeping but he never gave them to me so I'm gonna have to use some of the strong ass ones I stole from a guy a year ago. I grab the bottle and take out three tablets, one is a dose three should let me sleep until tomorrow evening it'll be fine. I bury the bottle in the bag with the blades before swallowing the pills. I grab a sketchbook and start to draw before passing out completely.

"Sir, the last six times we knocked theres been no answer. I know you're all for privacy but we need to go in and make sure he's alive. No one has seen him since lunch the day before yesterday!" I hear a muffled voice on the otherside of my door as I wake up. I roll over so my back is to the door as I hear Sirs muffled voice "He said to leave him alone for the week, the best we can do is knock on the door and leave meals outside. He needs to learn to trust us". I shut my eyes tighter hoping that they'll take their conversation elsewhere. "He missed both his brace casting and wheelchair fitting yesterday Sir, they said that they could fit him in today in three hours so we need to get him up. I'm going in". The door slams open and I roll over to glare. I raise my eyebrows in question at the two men. "You're coming downstairs eating breakfast and then you are getting ready for your appointment thats in three hours you don't get a choice" its the dark one of the yin and yang, Xan I think. He looks angry but theres something else there, if he gets angry at me he might hit me I don't know him I don't know what will send him over the edge. I glance at Sir over his shoulder who is looking unimpressed but I can't tell if its with me or Xan. "Whatever give me 10 minutes to get dressed, I'll be down after" I sign to them before rolling back over. I hear the door close and sigh in relief.

15 minutes later I'm halfway down the stairs and dying, it's a bad day, a very bad day. My leg feels like its on fire and people are ripping it apart even my good leg is in pain. I can do this though, I've done it before, I got through school on days like this. I did spend those days basically hiding in the art or music room and refused to leave but I walked the 20 minutes to school on those days. I can deal with some stairs. After another 5 painful minutes I finally reach the dining room to see everyone waiting for me, the only free seat bejng beside Xan at the end of the table. I make my way over to my seat manouvering my crutches past everyone else. When I finally sit down everyone moves to eat, well not everyone. "Wow how nice of you to finally join us" I hear, I don't even bother to pinpoint who the voice comes from as I reach for the bowl of fruit. I can eat six strawberries for breakfast and then I will eat dinner later it will be fine.

Breakfast passes quietly with only quiet conversations happening with a few people trying to include me but my eyes don't leave my plate. "Isaiah!" I glance up and meet Sirs eyes. "You haven't eaten since Tuesday, eat more than just strawberries, either toast or a pastry. Then you can be finished with your brealfast". I look at the toast and at the pastries, both full of calories, a work out will have to be done especially if he's keeping this much of an eye on my eating. I grab the toast and eat it as fast as I can focusing on anything other than the seven sets of eyes staring at me and the calories going into my body. I finish and stand up, "I assume we will be leaving soon, I am going to read for a while" I sign before making my way out of the room. "I will get you in fourty five minutes, be ready to leave then" I hear Sirs reply as I make my way upstairs.

Going upstairs took up ten of those fourty five minutes, I will just meet him downstairs in whats now thirty five minutes because otherwise he'll see how much my leg is bothering me. I glance around and realise that everyone else stayed downstairs. I pop into my bedroom grabbing my toothbrush before heading into the bathroom and locking the door. This will be better, I can purge now and work out later, I don't like purging and rarely do it but extreme times call for extreme measures. By the time I finish purging and cleaning my teeth I realise it's time for me to start heading down the stairs. I sigh and stand up from the floor and make my way downstairs. Just as I reach the bottom Sir appears and smiles at me. "Shall we go?" he asks as he opens the front door for me. I go straight past him to the garage without a word.

I look around and realise it's just the two of us, oh no, he's going to use the car rides and time alone as an excuse to get to know me. I slide into the passenger seat and shove my crutches in the back as he sits in the driver seat and smiles at me.
"Lets get to know each other! But if you could use text to speech for the car ride so I can pay attention to the road it woukd be much appreciated" he says handing me a iPad. I have a feeling I won't have much of a choice.