Of course this happens to me

Chapter 25

I wake up surrounded by warmth and snuggle closer to the source. I open my eyes and see Will on one side of me with Xan on the other, both of them fast asleep. I look around the room before taking a mental check on my body, nothing seems too tense so I shouldn't have an episode today if I keep away from stressful situations, which in itself is quite stressful. I sit up slowly being careful to not jostle either of the men beside me. Glancing at the bedside table I can see some of my fidget strength toys, good for hand dexterity supposedly. I slowly reach over Xan for them, if I move slowly I shouldn't fall.

"What are you doing baby boy?" I hear Xan ask as I finally get a grip on the fidgets, I frown before looking at him clearly trapped by my body. "Getting a fidget so I can do that while you continue to sleep," I sign back. "Can I set you up with a feed before you settle back down?" Xan asks as he helps me back into a normal sitting position. I nod in response not wanting to risk waking up Will. I had heard Alex telling him to sleep with me because he'd barely been sleeping while I was gone.

I play with the fidgets with Xan after he sets up the feed. It's all nice and relaxing compared to the chaos of my usual life. I move my body slightly and cringe at the feeling of the diaper being very full, glancing at Will I try to decide whether I should leave it and risk an overflowing diaper or get changed and risk waking Will up. I sigh before signing to Xan, "What time is it?" I sign slowly making sure I don't fuck up any sings. "It's 10 in the morning baby, everyone else has been up a while. Do you want to go down to them?" he asks me as he pulls me into a sitting position.

"I need to be changed, and probably bathed to be honest, I feel a bit dirty," I sign to him wishing the ventilator wasn't in. "Ok no worries, are you comfortable with me helping or do you want Sir to help?" he asks carefully. Sir, Will and Spencer are the only ones who've seen my scars, the others have not yet seen my body at all much to my relief. I try to figure out whether I'm mentally ok enough to allow another person to see my body before deciding against it.

"I'm sorry......... can you get Spencer or Sir please, I'm not ready for anyone else to see," I sign back not wanting to insult him but not yet being ready for him to see. "Hey, heyyy, I know you're not trying to insult me, I can wait to help you until you're ready. I can change your diaper when needed but anything more than that I am willing to wait until you are ready don't worry. I'll go get Spencer, Sir probably is catching up with work," Xan says to me before he leaves the room.

I push myself to the edge of the bed and allow my legs to dangle over the side, focusing I try to move the intentionally and they listen a bit but barely. I glance at Will before looking at my phone in my hand. Opening it I see a ton of messages from Finn and begin slowly but surely reading and replying to them all. Since he met me he has made it his mission to get to hang out with me more and maybe meet the other boys.

"Good morning Sweet, let's get you unhooked" I hear Spencer's voice from behind me and look at him with a small smile. He quickly disconnects the ventilator doing a quick vacuum before smiling at me. "Mornin'," I reply softly as he crouches in front of me. "Shall we go bathe?" he asks with a grin and I nod in response. He lifts me up carrying me into the bathroom getting a smile from me. "I'm just gonna place you on the ground so you can take off your clothes while I get the bath ready," he tells me and I nod in response my jaw on the floor from the size of my bath. They'd gotten the room changed since I left and it now had a massive bath that was big enough for multiple people taking up a large part of the room.

He begins readying a bath before turning to me and smiling. "We have another bathroom with a shower chair in it, but we thought you'd prefer a bath in your own room," he says to me as I continue undressing. "It's perfect thank you, could I get cleaned in the shower chair before having a bath by any chance, I still feel dirty and don't want to get into a bath super dirty," I finally finish undressing leaving myself in just my diaper as I look at Spencer.

"Yes of course, lemme get your shower robe for the trip," he comes back moments later with my towel texture dressing gown helping me into it before picking me up and carrying me to the spare bathroom on the floor and revealing a fully equipped disabled bathroom. He sets me in the shower chair helping me out of the robe before going to a corner with medical equipment. "I'm just going to use this to cover up your PEG tube before I take your diaper off and give you a quick shower. Is that ok?" he asks gently.

"Yeah thats fine," I respond allowing him to help me ready. The shower and bath go quickly with Spencer doing majority of the work with me helping occasionally. When we leave my bathroom we find the room empty.

"What you in the mood to wear Sweet?" Spencer asks as he sits me on my bed. "Whatever, I don't really care," I shrug as I wait for Spencer to choose. "How about one of the bodysuits with shorts attached with tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie?" he suggests and I nod in response, I don't care how I dress at the moment and if I remember correctly medical people will be visiting today so I should dress appropriately.

Spencer sets about changing my diaper and getting me dressed before sitting me in my chair and putting my chest harness on. "Helmet?" he asks before we leave the room. "No, I feel good today," could we change my trach tube to a silk ribbon though?" I ask and he smiles at me before changing it to a black silk ribbon making me smile in response.

When we arrive downstairs Alex, Orien and Sir are sitting at the table eating breakfast, they lift their heads up and greet us as we enter before returning to their food. "I'll go grab some food for us," Spencer says before heading into the kitchen leaving me beside Sir.

"How did you sleep?" I ask Sir, I still feel guilty that he just slept on a chair when I was in the hospital. "I slept great baby and yourself?" he asks and I nod in response. He kisses my cheek before continuing, "So we have a physio, orthopedist, orthodontist and optician coming by today. Do you think you will need a nap in the middle? I know this is all very exhausting," he says to me letting me think for a moment.

"I will, physio and orthopedist are tiring. Why optician?" I ask tiredly. "You were meant to go to one when you first arrived but never got the chance and the doctors from the hospital want to make sure that they didn't damage your eye in that place," he says tracing the scar going over my eye. "Sir, that eye is basically useless, its just blurry now, it has been the whole time?" I say confused, I had assumed they knew this and that we were just leaving it because well the scar.

"Why didn't you tell us baby? We could get you a surgery or something if its damaged," he explains to me. I sigh in response before looking at him. "Because.... I'm tired of being broken and didn't want anything else to be broken and need to be fixed," I say to him avoiding eye-contact.

"We're not trying to fix you because you're not broken. We are trying to get you to your best but I understand what you're saying. I'm sorry baby," Sir says as he hugs me. I feel a few tears run down my face as I refuse to let him go. I had been feeling so broken but didn't want them to know, what Lex had said really hurt. I know he only said it because he was struggling but it is really fucking with my brain

Hey guys,

Sorry I've not been around, my sister passed away so life has been very sucky but decided to write to escape the feels.

Good news however is I finally got registered for a doctor so I may be able to get help soon.

Hope y'all are doing oki

Much love

Boo xx