Becoming Undone [1/2] [✔]

Twenty Two

Dr Wyatt's POV

I brace myself, I don't want to spook Meredith by asking too many questions or pressing for answers. Especially as she already looks petrified and ready to bolt.

"We're going to go at your pace, Meredith. If there is a question that you don't want to answer you don't have to. Try and remember the end goal, to get cleared for surgery."

Meredith nods. She keeps looking at the door.

"Don't worry, no one will come in while I'm in here. I've asked Bailey to make sure that we're not disturbed, so you can say anything without fear of being interrupted."

Another nod.

"Why did you try to leave earlier? I'm sure if I didn't stop you, you wouldn't of gotten coffee."

She starts playing with her fingers, she lowers her head. "I didn't want to stay.. the fluids and the x-ray and you. It's too much."

"Too much?"

"Help."

"Why do you think it's too much?"

"I'm the doctor. I don't need the help, nor do I deserve it."

"Why don't you deserve it?"

Silence.

"I caused the problem.." She whispers, it's barely audible but I manage to catch it.

I allow silence to fill the room for a minute.

"What's on your mind right now?"

"I'm scared."

"What of?"

"You're going to lock me up."

"I don't want to do that. That's a very last resort, you know that.. you're a doctor remember."

"I know but -"

"The voice in your head convinces you differently?"

She nods.

"I'm not crazy though! I'm not hearing voices or anything like that. It's just like my conscience. A second one. It tells me what to do, when to eat, when to work out, when to do everything."

"I don't think you're crazy. Has the voice been stronger recently?"

Another nod.

"It told me to run."

"This morning?"

She shook her head. "When I told you I went on holiday, I didn't. I ran away. I took money out of my bank and ran away." She starts to cry. "I couldn't stay. They knew everything, I told them everything so I had to leave. I stayed at a hotel until my money ran out. Then it just went to hell. I slept on a bench. Then a guy let me stay at his but he saw how fat and ugly I was and started beating me. I had to call them and they picked me up and since I came back it's all gone bad. I'm so stupid. I should of just died. I'm so stupid."

"Thank you for telling me the truth, Meredith. I understand you was gone for about 10 days, so it must of been a tough ordeal for you. You didn't say their name, who did you get to pick you up?"

"Teddy and Arizona. I had told them before I left so I thought I could trust them but I've been back 3 days and it's already been proven that I shouldn't of. I'm so stupid."

Teddy? I think this is the same Teddy that I've been seeing in my appointments. I wonder if Meredith is the girl she talks about..

"You gotta stop calling yourself stupid. You aren't stupid for trusting someone. Why do you think you that was a mistake?"

"It was on my chart, Teddy and Arizona was the only people who knew and now it's on my chart. They must of told someone for it to be on my chart. I'm all on my own. I'm use to it but I really can't take it for much longer."

"Meredith. Think like a doctor. Could there be any reason at all that means you're chart could indicate anorexia?"

"I DON'T HAVE ANOREXIA!" She stood up as she shouted.  

"Okay, I apologise. But could there be? Anything that could indicate the same suspicions. Maybe Teddy didn't tell anything."

"Maybe my bloods did? My body did it? My body betrayed me?"

"You're the doctor. You tell me."

She begins to cry again.

"It's not anorexia. I just.. I don't know."

"You know, I'm going to need to weigh you at some point. You can step on backwards, if you want to." 

"Can we not? Not today."

"Okay, not today but we will probably need to do it soon. Remember what I said, admitting you to a psych ward will only happen as a very last resort. We haven't got long left, but is there anything else you want to talk about?"

Meredith looks up, her face looks full like she wants to say something but then her eyes goes glassy and she shakes her head. She must of lost her nerve. Maybe she'll have confidence to tell me next time. 

"Okay, well I want to see you tomorrow. Can you stay in your room or shall I meet you by the coffee cart again?"

"I'll stay in my room."

"What are you going to do for the rest of the day?"

"I can't do a great deal while being hooked up to IV fluids."

"You could talk to Teddy and Arizona or some of your other friends."

"I don't think anyone likes me anymore. I'm too fat, too broken, too stupid. The list really goes on."

"Until you have proof that no one likes you, try reaching out to your friends."

Meredith nods.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Meredith."

I walk out of the room and make my way back up to my office to write up my notes. The women I met today was polar opposite to who I met two days ago. 

Is this her rock bottom, I really hope this means things will only get better for her. 

I didn't get as much information from her as I typically would like but she needs to learn to trust me. I think she is slowly trusting me, I really hope so..