Becoming Undone [1/2] [✔]

Fifty Five

Meredith's POV

I wake up anxious, well technically that's a lie because I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep last night at all so I couldn't of woken up. I've been worrying about this meeting with Dr Wyatt for the last few days and today is the day when it's happening. I've been on this ward for 2 months and there has been more discussions about discharge and my next steps. Truthfully, I don't feel ready for it - the meeting or discharge.

I asked Cristina and Bailey to come with me to the meeting as they've been such a massive help in my recovery, so that's what I'm waiting for. Dr Wyatt asked me if I wanted Derek to come along but I said no. I knew he was going to get told everything that was discussed anyway and I'm still really hurt that put me here. Logically I know it was for the best, kind of but I also hate it here.

"Meredith, we're waiting for you." A voice has brought me out of my thinking. I turn around and see Dr Wyatt in the doorway.

"No, no, we can't. Cristina and Bailey aren't here yet. We can't start without them. Please."

"They're already in the office, are you ready or do you need a minute?"

I shake my head and get up to walk out. The corridor feels so long as I walk down it. Dr Wyatt opens the door and welcomes me into her office. It's slightly different to her therapy room, mostly because there is more chairs and a computer whereas her therapy room is a few chairs, a desk and a few pot plants.

Both Cristina and Bailey stand up to welcome me into the room and the meeting.

"Please, make yourself comfortable Meredith."

I smile, weakly at Dr Wyatt's instructions. I can't make myself comfortable because this is not what I want. Regardless, I sit on the nearest chair near me.

"So, I wanted to have a meeting with yourself Meredith and those closest to you to discuss your next steps. We're happy with the progress you've made here, in comparison to how you was when you first got here for this admission you have came a long way."

I nod, watching the floor, too scared to look at everybodies face.

"This is your chance to say how you feel and how you would like discharge to go."

"Mer?"

"Meredith?"

I take a deep breath in, too scared to say anything in case it's wrong.

"I dont want to." I whisper.

"Don't want to.. what?" Dr Wyatt asks

"I failed last time, I was already relapsing before I was discharged. I hid the food remember? I don't want to be discharged because I don't want to fail again. I wont be able to handle it." My voice is breaking as I speak and tears are threatening to fall. I can hear a few inhales from the other three and I resume looking at the floor.

"Oh Mer, but your talking to us now. You're not the same person as you was during the last admission. You tell us everything, your engaging in therapy. You're doing well." Cristina replies, in a very soft voice.

"I'm glad you can recognise the problems with your last discharge and I can assure you we won't make the same mistake again. This is why we're having this meeting, so you can dictate how you would like it to go."

"I.. well.. I guess I could try that day patient programme for a little while and then be discharged." My stomach is in knots after I speak. I feel so idiotic.

"That sounds fab. I was going to suggest the day patient programme so I'm very glad that you mentioned it."

I look to Bailey who appears to be wanting to say something, "Where will Meredith be discharged too? I'm sure Derek would love having to back at yours."

"No! He put me in here. He should of just kept his stupid mouth shut! I was skinny and perfect and he ruined everything. My head is so much worst because of him. I dont want anything to do with him, ever!" My outburst shocked everyone in the room. I'm pretty sure it'll get mentioned in my next therapy session with Dr Wyatt but right now everyone is staying quiet.

"Umm, maybe you could stay with me?" Bailey suggests after a few minutes of silence. I nod in reply, not wanting to speak anymore. I can feel myself shutting down emotionally which I think Cristina picks up on when she asks if the meeting is finished.

A little while later, Cristina is in my room and we both have some food in front of us. As well as I'm doing, according to Dr Wyatt, I still don't feel confident enough to eat unsupervised.  The meeting clearly took its toll on me as I'm finding this meal really difficult to finish. Dr Wyatt has told me how I treat food and restricting is usually a way of my emotions trying to come out. So when I'm restricting or feeling the urge to it could mean that I'm struggling with my mood or anxiety. I like it because for the first time in a while, it actually made sense.

So sorry for the delay in updating, life has been so busy recently! Thank you so much for 21k reads.. can not believe it!! Hope you enjoyed this chapter x