Becoming Undone [1/2] [✔]

Twenty Five

Meredith's POV

I'm glad things are sorted between me and Teddy but I can feel my mood getting lower and lower. It's like all of my fight that has been inside me has left and now I'm just an empty shell.

Night time falls and I wait until just after midnight before I sneak off to the bathroom with my IV stand. As I did the night before, I pour some down the sink. Not a lot because I don't want to raise any suspicions. I thought I was almost caught out yesterday when Richard saw how low yesterdays bag was but thankfully nothing came from it.

What I'm really desperate for is a blade but I know if I snuck off to a closet someone is bound to notice. I just really need a release. I feel like an addict, I'm desperate

When I finish with the IV draining, I decided to do some exercise in my room. No one will notice as they all think that I'm sleeping and they wouldn't do checks for another few hours. However, I'm so weak so I only do a little workout, it was enough to raise my heart rate as the machines start to beep and a nurse came in and forced me stop. I'm crying but she forced me.

I cry myself to sleep. I wish they would just let me die. It's too difficult.

Cristina's POV

I woke up at my usual time to get ready for work. Although to be honest, it hasn't felt good knowing that Meredith is a patient and that she is struggling so much with her mental health.

I had a shower, brushed my teeth and grabbed a coffee in a to-go cup. I always try to get there before rounds start to see the charts before everybody else does. It's a habit that most people leave in intern year but, I still do it.

I get in and check all the cardio charts, I know Teddy has been letting me take on more responsibility in the OR today and I'm sure she'll let me do a solo surgery any day now.

I'm paged by the chief. I know why I'm being paged, it's going to be for the same reason as yesterday. To round on Meredith. I don't want too.

I really do not want to go in there. I don't really know how to talk to her, sure we're the Twisted Sisters and all but I'm not sure how to help her.

I go anyway to the floor she's on, I read over her chart and notice that she was caught exercising during the night, which made her heart rate go way higher than what it should do.

The chief, Bailey and myself walk in, I try to smile at her to make up for yesterday where I didnt even look at her but it's her who doesn't even look at me.

"Hi Meredith. I hear you had a rough night. Could you not sleep?" Bailey starts

No reply.

"We may prescribe you a sleeping tablet if that's okay. Help you settle at night."

Nothing.

Richard takes over "Arizona and Teddy told you about your broken rib so it's important that you rest. Do you understand?"

A tiny nod.

I can't stand this. "Meredith. Speak. Fight. Argue. Say something."

I know I shouldn't encourage a patient to argue with their doctors but this is starting to creep me out.

"Yang. It's okay. Grey is probably just tired. We're just going to leave her now." Bailey finished and then ushered us out of the room.

Meredith's POV

I really have no reason to talk or to do anything. All I have to do today is listen to rounds, which has just finished, and my appointment with Dr Wyatt, which she never gave a time for.

Being a doctor is a lot more fun than being a patient, that is for sure.

I know Dr Wyatt says that I need to get better so she can clear me in order for me to become a surgeon again but this habits have kept me in check for my whole life.

After several hours of waiting and of the anxiety building up within me, I decide to do some exercise in my bathroom. My vitals was checked 20 minutes ago so I know a nurse wouldn't come in for another two hours and I only allow a few visitors who are all currently in surgery so I know I'm in the clear.

I remove the wires that are attached to me so the machines can't beep when my heart rate goes up, again.

I start exercising and I really get in the zone, so much so that I don't hear my name get called.

"Meredith?"

I freeze.

"Meredith?"

I get up slowly and move towards the other room to be greeted by Dr Wyatt. Of course, she just has to come now!! I'm suddenly very conscious of how much I'm sweating.

"Hi."

"Are you okay?"

I nod.

"Was you exercising again?"

She's read my chart and saw I did it last night.

I nod again, there's no point lying - yet.

"Why?"

"BECAUSE THERE IS NO RELEASE HERE! ALL I DO IS SIT HERE BEING PUMPED WITH FLUIDS, GETTING FAT ALL THE WHILE PEOPLE JUST WALK PAST LAUGHING AT ME."

"How do you normally release bad feelings?"

"With a blade." I said bluntly. "Are you going to get one for me?"

"No, but let's talk instead."

I groan, pretty loudly but I do sit down and we talk for about an hour.

Once she leaves, I ask one of the nurses to page Derek. I need to say speak to him.

Derek's POV

I get a page to go to Meredith's room. My heart drops and I run to her room. She's led in her bed, smiling at me. Her eyes look empty though.

"I don't like that you told everyone my business, but I miss you. Can you stay with me for a little bit?"

Gobsmacked. That was not what I was expecting.

I nod, I was not going to pass this opportunity.

I go to hug her but she pulls away. Maybe she's not ready for that level of physical touch. She holds her hand out.

So we spend an a few hours holding hands, we don't talk too much but given she refused to speak to me for the last fortnight, apart from the night she was drunk, this is a big deal.

Thank you for your support!! It means so much xxxx