Becoming Undone [1/2] [✔]

Twenty Nine

Meredith's POV

Okay, this is it. 

I'm definitely being discharged today. 

I had the stupid extra bag of fluids yesterday. 

I'm mortified at the fact that Bailey and Arizona saw me trying to empty it but they said that barely nothing came out so I wouldn't need another bag. Annoyingly they locked the bathroom and I had to have a babysitter with me all night so I couldn't even do any exercise last night which is ridiculous. 

I just have to wait for rounds and then I can leave. 

I just want to go home. I can carry out my plan and finally be perfect.

After what feels like ages, the door knocks and Bailey walks in with Richard and Cristina.

I can barely look at Bailey. She's probably seen me cry so many times the last few days but last night, I was hysterical. Beyond hysterical. It really wasn't good. As for Cristina, I'm not even sure why she turns up because she barely speaks to me. I guess I pushed her away for good now and this hospital stay has proven to her how dark and twisty I really am. I miss her though. I really miss her.

"So Meredith, we're happy for you to let you go home today."

"Brilliant, let's go. Where are the papers?" I ask Richard.

"Let me finish. We understand you have been put on a part time work schedule from Dr Wyatt, and we know you staying here for the last four days hasn't been easy for you, emotionally. Normally we would give you an extra week off to adjust being out of hospital but I fear that wouldn't do you any good so we want you to restart work tomorrow at 12."

"Yup, part time work but working tomorrow at 12. Sounds fab!"

"For your first week, I want you working with Bailey and after that you'll be put back in the rotation for other specialities. Also, I want you to come to my office at the end of each shift for the first week for a debrief."

"Okay, sounds fair."

Honestly, at this point I don't care what they want to force on me - I just want to go home.

"Meredith, I hope things pick up for you." Richard says sincerely. The other two hasn't said anything yet.

Bailey and Richard both leave and Cristina just walks and sits down on the other bed. I watch her, very confused.

"Hi."

"I was asked to stay with you until Derek gets home tonight. Is that okay?" Cristina says.

I shrug, "I guess, you haven't spoken to me all week but now you suddenly want to be twisted sisters again. Strange isn't it."

"I'm sorry Mer. I let you now. I didn't know what to say to you that would help."

"I don't need help."

"You've been in hospital for various issues and a therapist has been seeing you daily. You kind of do need help. I'm not saying it to be mean, just being honest."

"Oh."

"Meredith. You always kept me at arms length, then you ran away and told Teddy! Of all people. Why couldn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to be weak."

"You're not weak, but please fight this. Fight whatever it is making you unwell. I need my person back."

I nod. I didn't want to cry but they come so easily at the moment. I couldn't stop them before Cristina comes over and cuddles me.

It wasn't too much longer, Bailey returns with my discharge papers. 

"Meredith, I just wanted to say, about yesterday. We all want you back. I'm sorry you're struggling. Please never give up." She whispers to me but I'm pretty sure Cristina could hear. 

I say thank you, I want to say more but I can't find the words. I'm so scared that everyone will look at me differently now. I'm also scared that they already do.

"Shall we get going?" Cristina comes over to me and gives me arms a little squeeze as she hugs me.

"Please!"

Cristina's POV

Me and Meredith walk back to my car and I drive her to her house.

She looks nervous to go in but I gently push her through the door. She's crying. I'm really not the best when it comes to emotional people but I'm trying to be as supportive as I need to be for her. 

Crap, I notice the time and it's lunch. I don't want to push her but I don't want to let her avoid it. 

"Um, Mer? It's lunch. What do you want?"

"Oh I'm not hungry."

"Meredith."

"Oh.. maybe a half sandwich?" 

Okay, well it's not much but it's probably more than what she's had in a while for a meal. I make us both sandwiches and go back into the lounge. I watch as Meredith is pacing back and fourth in front of the sofa, she's on the verge of a panic attack.

"Whoa. Mer?"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, obviously. Not breathing is clearly a useful task."

She laughs. Holy hell, I made her laugh. Her panic attack seems to have calmed down and she stops pacing. 

"It's not a problem like they all said, I just got panicky when you was making the food."

"My kitchen skills aren't that bad. Maybe next time, you can help?"

Meredith nods. I only had the suggestion after remembering a patient from my psych rotation in med school felt safer eating after they prepared the food and maybe it would work for Mer.

I hand her the plate with the sandwich on and she eats it so slowly but she does eventually eat it. I finished ages before she did but I noticed as soon as she finished she got up and started cleaning the plates up.

"Here, let me do that." 

"No, no. I'll do that. You have to babysit me, I'm not going to force you to clean too."

My heart breaks for her, I wish she wouldn't see it as babysitting. 

She cleans the entire kitchen, even the areas I never touched. As least she ate so I guess that's what is important.

"Hey! Know what we haven't had in ages?!"

I look at her, confused and waiting for her to answer her own question.

She plugs her phone in to a speaker and plays "where does the good go".

"DANCE PARTY!" 

I laugh as she has already started to jump around before me and I quickly join her. This feels like old times, dancing like mad with my person with no cares in the world.

Hey, sorry for no update yesterday! I've rewrote this one a couple times and I'm still not happy with it. Hope you're all okay.