Becoming Undone [1/2] [✔]

Forty Six

Teddy's POV

I don't want to believe that Meredith is purging. She was doing so well, what happened for her to slip?

I want to go and find her to talk to her but I'm not sure if I'm the right person for that anymore. I've tried to keep my distance slightly because of my feelings for her, but something like this I feel like I need to be the one to talk to her.

Thankfully me and Bailey have a surgery together today and Meredith and Yang are the residents on the case so I'm able to catch up with Meredith.

It's been a few hours and I can't quite figure out how to start a conversation with Meredith. It's not like I can really say "hey Meredith, I think I love you and I've heard you've been purging so please stop because it breaks my heart". Yeah, that definitely wouldn't go down well..

After surgery, me and Meredith was the last to scrub out and I took this opportunity to ask if we could have a chat. We nodded and we both walked to the nearest on-call room.

"How have you been, Mer?"

She blows out air through her mouth "Well, it's been tough but you know things are getting easier. I guess."

"I'm sorry I've been distant recently.."

"You don't have to apologise, I know I'm a burden."

"You're not a burden, Meredith. I have feelings for you and I know you don't feel the same so I needed to distance myself from you to try and get rid of these feeling."

"Oh wow, I didn't know. I, um, sorry.. I don't know what to say."

"Thing is, I still care about you and your recovery. Yang told me, that you've been.. throwing up? Intentionally after meals?"

Her face changes. Crap, I probably should of stayed quiet.

"HOW THE HELL DID YANG FIND OUT? IT'S NOT EVEN TRUE! God, Derek is such a drama queen."

"Meredith.."

"It's not a big deal."

"It is, if your hurting yourself."

"Please, just let me do this. Teddy, I beg you don't tell anybody."

"It's dangerous, Mer."

Suddenly, her whole personality flips. "Who the hell are you to tell me it's dangerous? It's my body! If I want to control what's inside then I can because IT'S MY BODY!"

"This is your eating disorder trying to come back." I reply, calmly.

"It never left!" Meredith begins to laugh through the tears, "I spend time in a ward and everyone thinks I'm magically better. It's a joke. Screw you Teddy.'

She gets up to leave but I hold on to her forearm. She flinches slightly before remembering that she's trying to leave.

"Get off me Teddy!"

I pull her into me and hug her, it's a deep hug. A hug, I think she needs.

She breaks into sobs while in my arms. She went from crying a little to full on sobbing in a short period of time.

"I.. I cant.. stop.. it helps me. Please don't tell D.. Derek."

"He knows, even if you haven't told him. He knows. He loves you Mer."

"I'm so sorry."

I page Derek and tell him to join us in the on-call room. Thankfully, he wasn't in a surgery so was able to arrive pretty quickly.

"What.. is.. it? Mer, you okay?" He said in between pants of breath.

"Meredith needs to talk to you." I know Meredith didn't want to talk to Derek about this but I think they need to have a proper conversation.

"Meredith?" He's looking at her with such admiration.

"Theres.. so.. much.. pressure.. I can't.. I won't.." Derek goes over to Meredith to hug her as she has recoiled onto herself after having put her knees upto her chest and hugging them. She looks so vulnerable. So fragile.

"Breath Meredith, what are you saying?"

"I can't stop throwing up, just because you want me to. It's too much pressure. I left the ward and everyone seems to think I'm fine but I'm not. I feel so alone."

"Oh, babe."

Derek continues to hug her after her admission, and Meredith keeps crying.

"I'll let you guys keep talking."

"Thanks Teddy, and thanks for.. this."

I nod and leave the room.

It's all one POV, but I hope you like it. Any suggestions or comments always welcome!!