Becoming Undone [1/2] [✔]

Fifty Six

Bailey's POV

It's Meredith's discharge day and my stomach is in knots. I dread to think how Meredith must be feeling. I watch Derek head into the elevator so I run over to him and follow him. 

"Bailey." He welcomes me, he looks baffled as I am trying to catch my breath. Once it returns to a steady rhythm, I press the stop button on the wall so I could have a private chat with Derek.

"Meredith's being discharged today." I start. "She's going to stay with me and she needs to attend day patient."

"She should come home to me!"

"We suggested that and she got really angry, she's still pretty pissed about getting admitted and blames you."

"I did it to save her life, she was slowly killing herself!"

"I know, I'm sorry Derek. I'll try to talk to her more when she's at my place, I'll try to get through to her."

Derek nods, indicating that he understands what I mean and I explain that I've got to go and pick Meredith up. 

Meredith's POV

I'm not as nervous about being discharged as I thought I would be. I'm pretty sure Dr Wyatt suspects I was going to do something naughty as she has requested that a nurse goes through my bag and I was given extra ensures "just in case". I'm just waiting for Bailey to turn up now..

She's a little late, she was suppose to arrive at midday but now it's 12.05.. Has she changed her mind? Oh god, what will I do if she has changed her time? What can I do? Oh god. 

My worrying turned out to be pointless as she eventually turns up at 12.20. I yell at her for being so late but she explains that a patient held her up. I can understand that, I've had it happen to me before. A patient gets worried and needs the reassurance. 

"Are you ready?" I nod in response. I follow her out, I had an appointment with Dr Wyatt this morning as a "discharge appointment". She explained my day patient programme which I'm starting tomorrow and we went through a summary of what we've done so far in our appointments. I also have an appointment with her the day after tomorrow so it gives me time to settle in my new environment as well as have the reassurance that I'm still going to get the support. 

We arrive at Bailey's house and she shows me her spare room as well as the en-suite. I begin to put everything away and then I proceed to look around the house, after all it is going to be my house for the next few weeks. 

I look in the bathroom cabinet and spot a set of scales. I can feel myself edging towards it but I quickly stop myself as I remember what Dr Wyatt says.. "No body needs to know their weight 24/7. Not everybody weighs themselves daily." So I keep repeating it to myself. I might mention it to Bailey and ask her to move it somewhere I won't find it but I don't want to make her feel guilty for leaving it out. I'm sure she didn't mean to.

I walk downstairs and notice Bailey in the kitchen. I walk towards her, waiting for her to say something.

"Okay, um, Meredith.. what would you like to eat?"

It was a little funny to watch Bailey being nervous, but she has no reason to be. I shrug in response to her question.

"We can have mac and cheese?" I nod, and ask if I can help. We get to work to make our meal, it's not a lot that needs to be done but I enjoy cooking.. I think I do anyway. Dr Wyatt seems to think its anorexia still wanting control. Maybe she's right, I don't know.

We eat, clean up and quickly retire to bed. Personally, I can't face the rest of the day.

I woke up early and all that's on my mind is those scales. I know I shouldn't weigh myself and I repeat Dr Wyatt's mantras to myself but I still find myself in front of the scales. I'm ready to stand on it.

Both feet on and I wait for the number.

Oh.

Crap.

That's high.

Painfully high.

I can't believe I've gained that much weight. I was perfect before and now I'm fat.

"Grey, your breakfast is ready. Day patient opens at 9." Bailey's voice is on the other side of the door.

I hang my head in shame, but nevertheless I still get changed and meet Bailey downstairs.

I move the food around on my plate with my fork. I don't feel like I'm real. That number has triggered me a lot.

"Grey, its okay to be nervous but you still gotta eat." I nod and start eating. I swear I can feel each mouthful of food turning into fat and clinging to my disgusting body.

When I eventually finish, me and Bailey climb into her car and we drive to the hospital. I return to the ward ready to start my day patient programme and Bailey goes to work. I'd do anything to be allowed to go back to work.

Bailey's POV

I make my way up to the ward where Meredith has been all day to pick her up so we can go home together. I watch her come out of the ward and her face is so red and blotchy. It's obvious she's been crying.

We walk back to the car, and the drive home is in total silence but as soon as we're indoors Meredith bursts into tears.

"I.. I can't do this."

"Can't do what, Mer?"

"My weight is too high. They just want to make me fat! They don't care about me. I'm disgusting." Meredith confess, scratching at her skin. She hasn't been like this in a while.

"What's happened? Mer please stop scratching yourself."

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"Of course I won't."

"I found your scales and I weighed myself... I'm disgusting. I've gained too much and then all day they kept bringing me food. I can't do it. I gotta lose it all again. I'm a failure! Everyone will think I'm fat!"

My scales? Oh shit, I forgot I had a set of scales in Meredith's en-suite. Jeez I didnt even realised I still owned them. Meredith is still scratching her skin and clearly upset but I don't want to allow her to restrict again.

"Meredith, yes you've gained weight but that's because you would of died otherwise. No one else looks at you and makes the same conclusions about your body. Your friends all love you and want you around and that means maintaining a healthy weight. Derek? Derek loves you and, also, wants you to be healthy."

"Der.. Derek loves me? Even when I'm fat? He threw me in a hospital to get rid of me."

"He's been asking about you everytime he sees me. He didn't admit you out of spite, he did it out of love. He wants you alive. But we have to eat. I'm going to make couscous as it's small and not too heavy. Okay? Okay."

We walk into the kitchen and I start on our meal. Meredith's quiet, probably thinking about what I said.. at least I hope she is.

"Bailey?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we invite Derek over tomorrow?"

I'm so sorry it's been a while since I last updated. I haven't been well and mentally my brain sucks. Hope you've all enjoyed this chapter xx