Today's the day. It's gloomy outside. It's so much like a year ago it's insane. Aaron wakes up and it hits him like a ton of bricks. He can already feel his head pounding. Lear came and checked on him all night every hour or so. He wanted to make sure he was there when he woke up.
"Good morning kiddo. How are you feeling?"
"Horrible. I'm about to throw up." Aaron says. He's transparent with his feelings today.
"You need water? Breakfast?"
"I'm ok. I'll be ok." Aaron sits up and checks his phone. He's gotta check on Roni.
Alex wakes up later that Aaron as usual. He feels sadness and anger wave over him. Before he can be upset, Lear comes to his door.
"Good morning. You ok?"
"Not really. I'll make it though."
"I'm making breakfast but I understand if your not hungry."
"Ok, thank you." Alex says. He checks his phone even though he doesn't want to. He has two important text.
Roni doesn't feel like getting out of bed. She was depressed for the longest after the shooting. She's back to that state of mind. Nessa is up and about. She's doing her best to not let this gloomy day get the best of her.
"Roni, I made you breakfast."
"I'm not hungry."
"You have to eat."
"Leave it on the nightstand and I'll eat it." Roni finally says.
"Well I'm going to sit right here and eat it with you." Nessa says. She plops down beside her with her plate.
Kian wakes up and has a lot on his mind. After checking in on Nessa and after Sherry checks in on him, he gets up and goes to paint. He needs to channel this energy in the best way he can. Painting and art is going to do that. He's going to cope with this in his own, healthy way.
Luke wakes up in the morning with his leg hurting. He can still feel the pain. It's just a phantom pain and he knows that. His girlfriend is at home with his child. It's her actual birthday today. He's sure that she doesn't know the difference but they're still going to honor it. He's going to have to get through the day for her. No matter how many times the scene of him getting shot plays over and over in his head, he's going to push through today.
Aaron keeps his nonchalant attitude. If he lets his emotions out, he doesn't know what he would do. He's going to see Roni. He needs to get out of the house. He feels restricted. Being in a coma for awhile after the shooting reminds him of how he feels now. He knows it's the opposite for Roni. She likes to feel restricted. It's comforting to her. They're polar opposites that somehow match. That's why he needs her right now.
Alex takes his shower for the day after slightly eating his breakfast. He gets dressed and sits back on his bed. Today is a big trigger for him. He can feel himself yearning for a dose. Just so he can stop feeling weak. He's fighting the urges as best as he can but it's all in his head. He's trapped in his head. His own mind is his worst enemy and best friend. He's thinking when Lear opens his door.
"You have a visitor." He says. Niyah walks in the door.
"Hey. How are you feeling?" She ask.
"Not good. I'm craving."
"You want a patch? Just to combat the cravings." She says and moves a piece of wet hair out of his face.
"Sure." Alex shrugs. She grabs a patch out of his drawer and sticks it to his arm.
"You know you can always talk to the therapist at rehab and I'm always here."
"Thank you." He hugs her. She rubs his back.
Kian's painting is disturbing. It's a bloodbath. Red paint cover a majority of the canvas, but that's how he feels at the moment. He's just recollecting what happened. He feels good when he's alone and can just paint. One tear drop falls down his cheek as he steps back from his work.
The next day, the same thing happens. This time, they visit Andrew's grave. They each have a conversation with him. Some short, some long. It really sets in the idea that he's dead. It hurts. A lot. No matter how many coping mechanisms or the amount of support they have, it's not going to ever not hurt. No one expects it to, even though they want it to.
Aaron visits the clubhouse. Andrew's room is the only room that's still the way that it was when they lived there. It's locked and closed up so no one else can get in. He takes a seat on the race car shaped bed. He remembers tucking Andrew in. He looks in his toy box and sees all his toys. He remembers Andrew begging for him to play with him. He feels a tear fall down his cheek. He wipes it. He doesn't cry often. It feels like he lost his own child. For as long as he can remember, he's been taking care of Andrew. It really feels like that was his kid and now he's gone. He's struggling to deal with that.
"Dad" Aaron says when he comes back home.
"Yes?"
"I need some advice."
"Ask away."
"Ever since Andrew died I feel like a lost a piece of me. I took care of him like he was my kid. At this point he could be considered my kid. It's like I lost a child. Do you ever get over that?"
"I don't think you do. It gets better over time but you're never over it." Lear says. He's lost a kid. A newborn. Premature. He died a week after he was born. Lear carries that around with him everyday. That's what he means by he lost a lot in his first marriage. He can get where Aaron is coming from. Aaron knew Andrew better than he knew that newborn. He spent more time with him, so he's sure it hurts more. He sure this whole situation hurts. These two days have been hard on him so he knows it's been really hard on the kids. He can't imagine. He's going to make sure graduation is worth it for all of them because they deserve that and so much more.
