Appreciation

Control

That night, I went to Deidara's room.

For the rest of the day itself, Deidara had been avoiding me. In fact, he stayed alone most of the time. A gut feeling of mine has been telling me to go and check upon him, but with the war closing in on us I have to make sure that Tsuki no Me has higher odds of success. Deep inside, I have a feeling he is starting to resent me for not telling him the truth behind his past, undoubtedly I know most of what he is seeking. That's the last thing I want right now, losing Deidara is painful, but having him resent me is much worse. As I walked towards his room, I stopped halfway and looked down, I thought about what to say.

We were in love
then I lost you

Then you came back.

I groaned as I realized how dumb I sound, the words of only which can be spoken out of a true poet, which I am truly not. "Too poetic...and unnatural..." I said under my breath as I let out a quiet sigh. I usually don't plan out what to say and everything comes out naturally but trying to make someone fall in love with you for the second time can be nerve-wracking and very pressuring. I leaned against the wall and looked up, the candle on the wall lights up the small section of the hallway. I cramped my mind with thoughts of what to say as I watched the burning flame which sways side to side as it continues to burn, just then I noticed a figure standing nearby me.

"Tobi?"

I looked up to see Deidara, he yawned as he looked at me, his hair all down and his arms were crossed. I was so deep into my thoughts that I had not heard his footsteps approaching me. "What are you doing here hm?" He asked as he looked at me up and down. I quickly straighten my body and faced him. His expression now looked slightly annoyed and confused as he looked back at me.

"Deidara, I want to-"

"I don't want to know..." Deidara said as he waves his hand, dismissing the issue. I froze there for a second, looking at him in disbelief. He doesn't want to know? 

 "I know, you want to tell me about the past.." Deidara said as he tilted his head, the look of uncertainty painted across his face. "I'm just a reanimation, it's not worth knowing...after this war ends, so do i..."

"Deidara that is-"

"I've decided Tobi, I don't want to hear it..." Deidara said, looking very serious. The atmosphere suddenly became tensed and dark, it's as if I lost Deidara all over again. I could see it in his eyes, he simply doesn't care anymore. He no longer wants to know. He just wants to get this war done with. "And you..." he said as he stepped closer, pointing his finger at me. "Don't you have a war to prepare for? what are you doing, here with me?" Deidara asked as he stepped closer, his eyes glaring at me.

I watched as Deidara leaned close to me, his breath on my neck as he said.

"I don't want to know anymore"

with that, Deidara pulled himself back and walked away, I watched as his blonde hair disappears into the darkness.

what is happening, how could this happen?

I sat there in the darkness alone as I tried to process what just happened. Did he grow tired of waiting? maybe the war was close so it was useless, what does he even get for finding out that he was my past lover? that we were past lovers?

I sighed as I walked back to my room. Two days until we start to move to the battlefield and I'm trying to make do with what reality has provided me with, which is the company of Deidara. Even if it's just a reanimation, just paper-like skin with his soul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"In two days the war will begin..." Kabuto explained as all of us surrounded the table of the hideout, I looked at everyone who looked very focused, including Deidara. "So we will also be stuck in our ideal Genjutsu although we are reanimations?" Sasori asked as he crossed his arms, questioning Kabuto. Kabuto nodded and continued.

"The reason why you can also get sucked into this Genjutsu is that Genjutsu attacks the conscious state of mind, being reanimations which are not under my control, means that you all own your own state of consciousness..." Kabuto explained as Sasori nodded understandingly, taking in Kabuto's words.

"What if I don't want to get stuck in this Genjustu?"

Everyone turned to the source of the question, who was Deidara. Deidara looked at everyone coldly, his gaze was almost too cold to find any sort of lingering emotion left. "Why'd you say so?" Kakuzu asked as he leaned on his arm, observing Deidara. "I'm dead anyways...I'm just a reanimation...a weapon for this war..." Deidara said as he circled his finger on the table, tracing his fingertips along the lines of the wood texture. Deidara's eyes rested on me before continuing on his sentence.

"I'm not interested in living...being alive in that Genjutsu, what is the difference between living?" Deidara said simply, adding a rhetorical question at the end of his sentence. Everyone at the table kept quiet, all eyes on Deidara. "I'll see what I can do..." Kabuto said, nodding understandingly at Deidara's odd request. Ever since last night, Deidara has been acting strange. Did something happen? He absolutely refuses to talk to me, it's as if something has changed.

I looked at Deidara as Kabuto's voice in the background continues explaining everything. He looked cold, unusually cold. Weirdly enough, it didn't pain me to see him this way. My body, my mind, refuses to believe this is Deidara. No, I know this is not Deidara.

"Tobi, should I tell them your plan too?" Kabuto asked, snapping me out of my thoughts, I looked up at him and nodded slightly.

"So Tobi has structured the plan that we go in three separate groups, the first group is Zetsu and 6 other clones who will go on to observe the battlefield conditions and report back to me, which means I'll have a clone here with me while I control the battlefield..." Kabuto said as he pointed at Zetsu, who slowly nodded understandingly. He placed his hands on the table and looked at me, gesturing me to explain the next plan.

"The second group includes Nagato, Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu...you shall go on to the battlefield once the first wave of 1000 clones have been eliminated, we need to weaken and tire them first before we pull out our trump card..." I said as I sat straight up.

"Third group includes me and another individual who has not yet been reanimated, I am not close to what we should call our trump card, the most powerful shinobi yet to exist will help us in this war..." I said as I watched everyone's eyes shone with curiosity and excitement. Deidara kept quiet, not saying anything.

"That is all for now, rest up, within the next 48 hours we will be going to war..." I said as I got up, I watched as everyone got up and left, before Deidara walked out, I called out for him.

"Deidara, come here..."

He turned and looked at me, before walking back to me. Suddenly, I felt a shiver up my spine, a sudden wave of realization hits me. "What is it?" Deidara asked as he came over to me, his emotionless face looked up at me.

"What's my name Deidara?"

"Tobi" he answered, simple and quick. No, it couldn't be.

"What's my real name?"

Deidara looked back at me, confused and puzzled. I knew it. I knew this wasn't him.

I walked past Deidara and ran as fast as I could to Kabuto's room. He didn't, he couldn't have. But he did.

I strongly believe...

No, that's not it

I know for a fact that Kabuto Yakushi did it.

As I reached the front of his bedroom door, my rage took over me as I gave one heavy punch to the door, completely causing it to swing open. Kabuto was on his table, reading a few Jutsu scrolls. He turned and smiled at me. "Oh, Tobi what a-" but before he could continue his sentence, I walked up to him and grabbed the collar of his robe, lifting him up.

Everything adds up, why he has never called me Obito the last time we were alone, why he referred to himself as a 'weapon for the war', why he doesn't scold me for bossing him around, why he was so quiet the entire time and last but not least; the coldness in his eyes, the absence of emotion. I looked at Kabuto as he smirks back at me, it's as if he knows why I'm so enraged. It seems like it was him who did it. 

"What did you do to Deidara?"