Can't Help but Love Him

What's Said Aloud

     This was the first time my life had been so silent. No one was with me, and I had nothing to do. The voices in my head began again, whenever I wasn't busy with anything. It's as if everything came to a halt, and I had no choice but to be alone with my thoughts.

     I worked on getting water and electricity reconnected to the house, being careful to avoid using my last name in any transgressions. Letting others know I was a Wilson wasn't ideal, especially since this was my fathers old house. I didn't want to accidentally meet the enemies he had made.

     The entire day passed before I got the utilities back up and running. It wasn't the most entertaining time passer, but it was better than nothing. It was about five at night when my phone rang, and I assumed it was one of the salesmen I had spoken with on the phone today. 

     "Hello, Jason speaking." I mumble, rubbing my forehead. 

     "It's too early in the morning to sound so depressed. I told you to take care of yourself, remember?" Axel says.

     I shot up from my chair, a wide smile spreading across my face. "Make me! I can sound as depressed as I want when you're gone." He chuckles, filling my heart with warmth. 

     "I was worried about you, you know." He murmurs, sending a cold chill down my spine. "You're always overthinking things."

     "W-Well I'm fine, thanks for your concern." I say, instinctively looking down. "Enough about me, tell me how your flight was." 

     "It was weird! I was in first class which was cool I guess, but they kept bringing me snacks. I had to keep telling them I couldn't drink, too. Flight attendants kinda freak me out, you know?" He says earnestly. I ginned; I could imagine him talking with his hands

     "Other than that the flying was fine, but when I landed there were so many security men waiting for me. It was really embarrassing. Oh, but I met with my mom in the car. She really is nice you know, she was crying the entire ride about how much she'd missed me." He explained, as I sat on the couch to settle down. I loved his stories more than anything, and I couldn't be happier to hear him again. 

     "The house was a lot bigger than I remembered, and it's smack in the middle of the city. Traffic doesn't bother me since my old room is in the twentieth floor, but it's kind of annoying that the building's right on the street, you know? The view's incredible, though. I wish you were here to see the sunrise with me." 

     I happily listened to his story, imagining him sitting next to me. I was warmed just by his voice, so I kept asking questions about the trip. Apparently, he hadn't even seen his dad yet, he had spent his time going to small social gatherings as a representative of his fathers company. 

     "Hey, you've been avoiding telling me about your break. How's the whole inauguration thing going?" He suddenly brought up. I didn't necessarily know what to say; it would feel good to get the stress off my shoulders, but I didn't know what he would think about what had happened.

     "I went to my Uncle's house the same day you left, but he wasn't as... pleasant as I remembered him." I admitted, frustrated that I couldn't see Axel's reaction.  

     "Oh, you mean the guy you already didn't like? He got worse?" He snickered in the way I loved so much, making me want to see it in person.

     "Well, he kind of wanted me to marry this girl I knew, but I said no so he found out I was with you, then threatened me once more into marrying her but I said no again and ran away to my old house. Then the sink guy came to clean the-"

     "Wait, wait marry who? A girl?" He interrupted.

     "Yeah, her name's Aurora." I echoed.

     "But you're gay. You're gay, so why a girl?" He asked.

      I sat there for a moment, stunned. This was the first time it had been said aloud. I guess there was a part of me that didn't want to believe it, and saying it made it official. When he said it though, it made me strangely happy. It was almost as if he was claiming me, or insisting no women could have me.

     "He didn't know I was- that I didn't like her, I think he just assumed I would since she was my childhood friend." I explained. 

     He was quiet for a moment, which scared me. I didn't know what he was thinking. I couldn't look at his face or read his body language. There was so much I couldn't do over the phone, and it made me incredibly weak in terms of having a conversation. 

     "Do you?" He said softly. "Do you like her?"

     The pain in his voice tore me to shreds, and I felt the desperate need to explain.

     "No! It's like you said, I'm..." I struggled with the word, disappointed in my hesitation. He patiently waited for me to say it, which made me even more nervous.

     "I-I'm gay." I mutter. I felt a sudden wave of relief, like something had been dug out from inside me. I was raised to look down at same-sex couples, so it was even more satisfying to finally admit I was part of one. 

     "What? Sorry I couldn't hear you, a little louder?" He mocks, bringing a smile to my lips.

     "I'm gay, but only for you, got that? There's no one else I'll ever want as much as you." I stated, grasping the phone. 

     "Wow, that was really hot. Alright Jay, you can have me on one condition. Stop drinking Fiji water. It's so useless and only adds to earths mountains of plastic." He says, dead serious.

     "No. They make the bottles anyway, so I might as well buy them."I fumed.

     "With all the water you buy from them, they'd go out of business if you stopped. Just drink the tap water." He pleaded.

     "I refuse. And you can come up with all the conditions you want; it won't change the fact that you're mine." That was a pro of talking on the phone, I was surprisingly courageous. It was a front of course; I'd never look at Fiji again if it meant I could be with him. 

     "You can't just work me up over the phone like that and not do anything about it." He complained. I blushed profusely; my intent wasn't to arouse him, it was to tell him how much I cared about him.

     "I-I couldn't do anything if I wanted to, you're thousands of miles away!" I stammered, twisting my sleeve. 

     "Hey, I'm coming back so you're not allowed to get married until then." He orders.

     "Yes, sir." I smile.