Save Him

Chapter 19

I looked up at my mirror as the last night's events flashed through my mind. I had been wandering around dark streets under the strong rain until I had found the way back home. I had been shaking in cold and tears had been racing down my wet cheeks. I pushed my hair back in a tight ponytail after I wore a comfortable sweater. The rain hadn't stopped coming down; grey clouds were blanketing the sky matching my mood. I breathed in closing my eyes; I wouldn't cry. I made that promise to myself under the rain while I was helplessly running away with my heart broken. The vulnerable girl doesn't exist anymore. I owed that to myself.

Throughout the school periods, I was wearing the smile I knew wasn't real. I was trying to hide the pain that was weakening me but this time I wouldn't let it crush me. I didn't quit the Dance Club as I did the first time we broke up. I had to keep doing the activities that were boosting my energy even when I was wishing I was doing anything but that.

The presence of Anna and Blare was comforting. Our talks and jokes were attempting to lift my mood up. Eva apologized a couple of times and in some pathetic moments, I had wished that I let Christian got me home before I saw him. I had pushed that thought as soon as it occurred to me.

Noah had been asking about that night but I lied saying that nothing happened. At first, he didn't believe me but my acting abilities were getting better and better every day. Jacob didn't suspect a thing as well as my aunt who knew Corbyn and I got back together.

Nobody knew what happened when we got out and fought in the rain. Although, Cyle, Christian, and Eva were assuming the break-up afterward. We never appeared together, never in the same place. I stopped going to the cafeteria and I would always be grateful that Anna and Blare joined me without asking.

In the math class, I wasn't looking at his side. I was participating more than ever knowing that it will help my grades for my goal. The thought of med school was the only thing that was keeping me alive and hopeful. In a few months, I would leave and we would never see each other again. It was simple as that. The poor and small part of me was bleeding at the thought but I ceased listening to that part since the night he broke up. I had to continue moving on without him.

I wasn't having nightmares anymore. I went to Mrs. Jordan in the Social Service and told her everything. I had to take the only solution I wasn't even considering at first; pills. They were helping me sleep and I didn't have to battle the demons that were haunting me the nights. I was using them in moderation, slowly decreasing the dose. I kept going to Mrs. Jordan despite the fact that our sessions weren't obligated anymore. I wanted to be there; I was talking to her and those were the only moments, I didn't have to pretend, numbing the pain, hiding away.

Every time I was about to think about him, I was scolding myself and made the thought disappear. I hadn't let a single tear leave from eyes and I was proud. But it had its cost. I was always on edge; trying not to get weak, pretend, be careful of what I say, never quit smiling and laughing, showing I was fine when I wasn't. I was controlling every ouch of myself and I was horrified of the moment my guards would get down. And they did.

One day, I was walking in the central hallway when I stop at the sight. Anna was in the arms of Noah giggling. Her grey eyes were glowing with happiness as he was watching her with adoration, his arms protectively holding her as she was expensive, glassy porcelain. My eyes couldn't leave their forms as the memories were flooding my mind in thousand miles at an hour making it impossible for me to block them.

My body felt heavy as my heart started racing. I was having difficulty breathing properly as if the memories were taking the oxygen away from me. I shook my head not letting them soften me. I whirled around and fell on someone's chest. The totally black outfit and the scent that filled my air crushed my heart. I didn't have to look up to know who was standing in front of me. I refused to meet his gaze. Before I could move, his arm glided around me and connected my body to his. Electricity run down my spine and his warmth blanked my coldness. His hands cup my cheeks before he kissed my forehead. I squeeze my eyes shut not having any strength. I yelled at myself to run away yet my feet had rooted to the ground; my body was glued to his. I felt the wetness behind the lids and I seal them fully. His arm fell and kept me close to him as his lips started leaving their sweet mark in delicate kisses at the side of my face. My skin was tingling as it used to. He kissed my forehead, my cheek, my chaw before he planted kisses on my neck. I shuddered sensing the tears coming. His touch was nothing of a reminder of the past I was struggling to forget. His previous kisses were replaying in my head despite my attempt against it. I was losing control and I couldn't have that.

"I'm sorry," He whispered in my ear, only for me to hear. I bit my bottom lip tasting the blood sliding from the cut. I gripped tensely the bag on my hands so hard, that my fingers ached. I collected the power he had spared me and took a step back. I began walking away until I reached the toilets. I shut the door throwing my bag on the ground. I leaned on it clenching my fists. I won't cry; was the words I kept repeating to myself. I clenched my teeth looking up at the white ceiling to keep my eyes free of the watery signs of my weakness. A small of them slipped though. I wiped it away frantically feeling disappointed in myself.

I had presumed that I was starting to get used to my new version of reality; without him. I had believed I was healing; slowly and progressively. Or so I thought until fate reminded me that my life was never easy. And it wouldn't be now either.