Save Him

Chapter 35

His words whirl in my head no matter how many times I try to shut them down and fall asleep. My body screams for rest but the guilt sweeps my system.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. I don't know how many minutes have passed since he switched off the light. I don't even know if he has fallen asleep. However, I know what I have to do even if he doesn't hear it.

"When you told me you slept with her, I promised to myself that I wouldn't let it crush me like the first time. And that included the nightmares. I told Ms. Jordan, my psychologist, in the Social Service, about it and she gave me the pills to help me sleep without them torturing me. They're not painkillers," I add. "I wanted to tell you but I was too ashamed to do so. This is the only reason I didn't talk to you about it sooner. And you're right," I mutter. "I was mean to you, I don't really know why though," I capture my bottom lip between my teeth after my soft confession, waiting. Just when I think he has fallen asleep and my words were just a murmur that was caressing his closed eyes, his arms slide around me. He nuzzles his head in my neck and my heart thuds inside my chest fearing about what he might say or think about my revelations.

"I'm sorry," I gasp, softly. Never in thousands of years did I imagined him saying those words to me. "Your parents?" He asks.

"Actually..." My voice trails off. "It was you,"

His arms turn me to him to meet his wide awake and alarmed eyes that search for mine frantically.

"What?"

"I have been seeing you in my nightmares lately," My words freeze him, transforming his warm body into a cold rigid one against mine. He sits up and I frown.

"It's my fault," He whispers as his eyes seem to be lost in the distance while his brain runs; a million miles away.

"It's not,"

"It is," He claims. "I thought I was protecting you when you were having nightmares about me. I let you believe I cheated on you...oh my God,"

"No, no, no," I get off the sheets; I scramble on his lap, resting my thighs on his side and having his face in my hands."You should have told me the truth, yes, but you couldn't have known about it," I caress his cheeks with my fingertips.

"You're right. If I had told you in the first place, you wouldn't have done it. It's all my fault,"

"It was my choice. You didn't make me do this, I chose it so that I do not have them,"

"You can't say that," He replies shaking his head. "You wouldn't take them if I wasn't such an asshole. Fuck," He shuts his eyes as his chest moves against mine rapidly; I feel his anger drown him.

"What else?" I frown. "What else happened then we were apart?"

"Nothing else,"

"Don't lie to me," He warns.

"I don't," I say offended.

"If it's the fifth time tonight..."

"It's not," I prompt.

"What happened at the party?" He asks again.

"I can't say,"

"Amelia, I swear to God, if it was Christian..."

"It was a girl, alright?"

"Dakoda," My eye widen momentarily.

"How do you know?"

"I didn't," I scrawl myself for my stupidity and seal my lids.

"What did she say to you?" He inquires staring at me.