Save Him

Chapter 53

I put my folded clothes in my suitcase. The sunlight of the afternoon has slipped into my window, gracing my room with its yellow and light red shade of light. My heart thunders more rapidly and powerfully with every movement I make. A bittersweet emotion swells my soul; my chest aches as if I'm tearing my heart, disconnecting a piece of me, and leaving it here, knowing that I won't be able to take that back. I will be different.

I walk down the stairs, with my naked toes, slowly, and place my suitcase at the base of the staircase, next to the wall. I find Corbyn standing in the living room as his eyes are glued to the screen of his phone. I smile briefly when he looks up.

"You've packed, already? We still have some time," I nod in agreement and chew my inner cheek.

"I would like to do something, first, before we go," I mutter. He stays silent for a few seconds, narrowing his eyes, as his mind runs thousands of miles per hour, and suddenly, his facial features relax, and he nods. He knows.

I grasp my arms tighter around my small form. My long black coat ends at the middle of my thigh, leaving my legs exposed. Despite the faint sunlight, the weather is colder than the previous days; cold-freezing wind scrapes skin. Corbyn puts our bags in the car as I stand still, watching.

The overwhelming and bittersweet emotion pounds through my veins. My heart thumps loudly in my chest putting in silence every other sound of the free highway from afar. I peer at the house I grew up and my chest aches as if I rip a part of me out of my body. I attempt to memorize all of its petite characteristics, forcing my mind to travel back in the dusted drawers of my mind and reveal as many memories I have in this residence, knowing the fanatical consequences.

"Amelia," A sweet voice breaks me out of my painful search. I whip around to find a small girl with long brown curly locks. Her black jacket with blue jeans hugs her curves.

"Jenna, hi," I say and clear my throat. My voice sounds hoarse and forced as all the times I had been crying, or I'm about to.

"Hey. I just wanted to say good luck. I saw that you're leaving," Corbyn has disappeared in the front of the vehicle, leaving us alone in the back. I look back at my toes that stand at my house's grey sidewalk. I shrug.

"Thank you, Jenna. I appreciate it. You too," I smile briefly. Today, all my energy seems drained, my mood cloudy.

"I know we weren't close, but I wanted to say that I would never really fink on you. I never had friends, so you brought some interest in my life," She chuckles, yet, her rosing cheeks betray her embarrassment.

"It's okay," I comfort her.

"I wanted to say sorry for your parents too. I never got the chance to do it. They were great people," She smiles sympathetically, and my heart drops in my stomach. I attempt to speak, though my throat has closed up achingly. I smile back. Her mother's voice calling out her name jolts her upright.

"I should probably head back," She murmurs as her head whips around, causing her locks to fly. "Best in everything in the next chapter of your life, Amelia,"

Her eyes flicker towards Corbyn who appears before her quick strides of run drive her to her house. Tears well up in my eyes and I squint them shut.

"We're ready,"

I shut the door of the car. Silence has crept into this foreign place, hidden and forgotten from the face of the earth. High trees upon allies of grass and petite paths between the built written stones fill my vision. I breathe in the clear air, focusing on the smell of the freshly cut grass, the sweet lullabies of birds in the distance. I sense my skin warm up as the sun gently and gracefully brushes my uncovered skin. Memories of the day of their funeral haunt me; black clothing, people saying their formal con adolescents, whispers, muffled cries of pain, dull screams, low voices, religious words of death, and their eyes sealed as their faces hid a certain peacefulness on their expressions.

I chew my lip and squint my eyes shut, again, to swallow all the tears before I take a few unstable and unsure steps. My eyes look around; peace. Maybe there's a reason why cemeteries are away from all the noise; a way to bless the hearts of the forgiven with quietness.

I follow the path that leads to my parent's grave. I push myself to keep my emotion in check but I don't think I will bear it for long. Memories, voices, and faces resurface in my memory of that day; a day I want to forget and never remember. The day I used to call my hell, but, now, I know it's the day I broke out of my bubble and had to face the world alone from that day on.

My footsteps are slow as I can't bear to push myself to pace more rapidly. Corbyn isn't beside me, yet, I can hear his angelic soft steps from behind me. I eye the yellow flowers in my hands; my mother's favorite. I halt in front of the two stones.

Few words have been written as they can sum up their whole life and personality in them; a beloved mother, wife, daughter, and friend for my mum and a beloved father, husband, son, and teacher for my dad. I never liked those chosen words. They were a lot more than that. I place, softly, the flowers on the green ground chewing my lip.

I stay silent staring at those words till my angel stops in my side.

"I never liked those words," I mutter. "Beloved..." I try the word in my mouth as if I'm testing its sound, expecting an aftertaste to possess my lips. I turn to him and notice the way his eyes are looking at my parent's grave before they meet mine. He hasn't uttered a fragment of a word since my conversation with Jenna. He has stayed quiet, maybe he doesn't know what to say. Neither do I.

"Can I have a moment alone, please?" I ask. He nods and wrapping an arm around me, his lips leave their chaste and sweet mark on my forehead in the form of a feather kiss. However, if I am to survive this, I need all the strength he can give me. I raise my lips to his and lock our mouths. I slide my arms around his torso sensing his fire and warmth easing the ache of ice in my soul.

"I will be in the car," He whispers and his lips offer me a shy smile before he vanishes. My eyes follow his figure. I kneel to the ground and place a strand of my hair behind my ear. I see an old woman walking in the distance towards another grave with a bouquet of flowers. The sun has slid between the thick branches of the trees sending beams of light and, glimmers of hope to the buried or walking alive ones. I glance towards my angel and admire the way the sunlight glistens his hair, creating a path of light on his way.

"You would have liked him," I say. "Maybe not a first but you would have," I smile. "He takes care of me," I whisper after a moment. "And if it's true if you can see me from up there, then, you know that he saved me," Tears pool my eyes blurring my vision before they stream down. And I let them.

"I know I should be strong, lead my life as you did but sometimes, it gets hard. You left me so quickly that I didn't realize how I was left all alone. I was living in your bubble protected and in one day, I was thrown into the real world expected to battle my fights when I couldn't stand up. I know you must be disappointed in me." My voice cracks as I find trouble breathing. I sniffle and with the corner of my sleeve I wipe off my tears and nose. "I know I didn't reach your expectations, I was weak and whining and vulnerable but I was trying. I still am. Sometimes, though, it's not enough." I hide my head in my hands blocking everything around me, dooming myself in the darkness I was used to breathing for the last months.

"I miss you, terribly," I admit and tears pour down my cheeks. I don't stop. My body wiggles as soundly sobs possess me, troubling my breathing. My chest aches, my whole flesh seems to reject me. I lean down resting my elbows in my thighs and bury myself in my clammy palms. Tears I was suppressing since the second I learned that I had to come back, bring themselves to life as more give birth to more. The anticipated trembling sways my weak form. It feels freezing cold. My fingertips get a tingly sensation at the ends and for a second I think I will throw up. I concentrate on my breaths revealing my damp face; full of watery and blazing tears that burn my cheeks and look up at the clear blue sky. The treetops allow a small fragment of the sky to be visible. A flock of birds gathers in there and begins to chatter noisily.

"I will try," I take an oath. "I will do whatever I can to make you proud. I will mess up but please, have your faith in me." I raise in my feet after a few tranquil minutes while my tears slow down. I peer at their names, chewing my inner cheek. "I love you," I whisper and imprint the image of the pacific and green scenery in my mind. I hate a piece of me that's terrified. I don't know when I will be back. I don't know if or when I will have the opportunity of courage to come back to them. However, they are here, they will always be.

I smile.